When a 22 year old girl gets married, even if she’s still living with her husband in her parents home in the meantime cos of various valid reasons, isn’t it her responsibility to put her husband first before her own parents? (and family) Isn’t her husband priority now that she’s a wife? Don’t her husband’s parents become her own parents? Shouldn’t her mom and dad let go of their “beti” now that she’s a grown woman and not have any control/say over her life and decisions cos thats her husband’s job now?
I thought I understood the concept of marriage in Islam.. until my mom made me confused. Someone enlighten me.
When a 22 year old girl gets married, even if she's still living with her husband in her parents home in the meantime cos of various valid reasons
I don't see any valid reason for this.. it shouldn't happen in the first place.. I've seen myself many marriages fail cuz of this situation for multiple reasons..
isn't it her responsibility to put her husband first before her own parents?
that's not possible in such situation , so don't think you're responsible..
I don't see any valid reason for this.. it shouldn't happen in the first place.. I've seen myself many marriages fail cuz of this situation for multiple reasons..
Valid reasons being the husband is a foreigner, recently graduated from uni, can't afford a house (even the smallest ones cost a bomb here). So we should move out and rent a room?
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that's not possible in such situation , so don't think you're responsible..
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Really? So I'm not responsible as a wife to take care of my husbands needs cos I'm living under the same roof as my parents? Thus, parents house = parents rules? Husband (ghar jamai) = too bad, suck it in?
parents try to protect their children but sometimes its over protection. As for the husband wife relationship, YES. Your husband is your foremost priority and responsibility. If it is like your moma dominates you in your marital affairs you can politely tell her that since your married life has begun, you would like to build it in a best and sincere way. One thing anyway, daughters always possess this soft corner in their parents hearts. And one thing Im sure of: when your husband will (God forbid) make you cry it will be your mother to wipe them and console you the first.
So I'm not responsible as a wife to take care of my husbands needs cos I'm living under the same roof as my parents?
lol well I didn't mean that.. of course you're responsible as a wife to take care of your husband's special needs .. what I meant was that if he's too demanding then that's not possible living under the same roof with your parents.. and he should realize that as well
So we should move out and rent a room?
don't think that would be an appropriate thing to do at this stage, give him time and encourage him to find job , once he starts earning the just move out and rent a single room flat , over even a room if his job can't afford a flat ..
If you're asking about Islam, then your parents and what they want will always come first your entire life even if you're 75 years old, married with a bazillion kids.
I get some men doing stuff like this because they're raised with the thinking of "bahu ayegi to saas aur susar ki khidmat karegi". Its wrong but thats the expectation. Men are not expected to do khidmat of their own parents...its some weird system where all of the bahu's sawab is given to the son because he married her or something.
However IMHO, a woman should be much more conscious of these things.
You're living with your parents and it is their home. Im not saying let them control your married life but respect their rules and their house because technically you're not supposed to be there. Its your husband's job to provide but since he cant at the moment you're being given a favor...not your right.
If people followed the 'Divine' Rules and Regulations of marriage and follow the teachings of the holy Prophet SAW, Then all the above misconceptions wouldnt arise. People have forgotten their core Values as to who we are rather than trying to become what we are not .. hence follow the 'man made' sayings and ways.