What is the best way???

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hi I hope someone could give good suggestion on this. My sister 23 years old, graduated from a Top Asian University working for one of the largest IT giant in the world. We are interested in find a Mr. Right for her in Pakistan but having difficulty chalk out right strategy for this. The problem is although studied at mix environment, but due to conservative up bringing, she has no one in her mind (there are not much Pakistani guys are here also). At other side most of proposal we are getting from Pakistan are mostly passport seekers. And another issue is clearly the person is marrying to her has to decently qualified to not only match her as well. At her side she is telling us, that she didn’t do anything to embarrass us, but now she should be punished for that by forcing her to marry someone mismatch to her. I would appreciate if members could share their experience, and ideas how the handle this situation.

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Re: What is the best way???

If I was your sister, I would be ticked off for my conservative upbringing :naraz:

cause now, life will only go downhill if a guy is “imported”.

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Re: What is the best way???

^ Try match.com or asian matermoney or shaadi.com

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Re: What is the best way???

don't get her married to an imported guy. i am facing alot of difficulty in my married life bcuz i am married in different culture/background family than mine. just this minor difference has caused me much trouble in my life and 4 me it's hard to imagine how two people from different countries will get married to each other and will spend rest of their lives together. there would be difference in each and every aspect of life then.

it's better to find a good mate for her in the country of your residence where u may also conduct a good investigation of the guy and his family , you can never be sure of any guy or family unless and until u get into them but still "seeing is believing" . plus any guy shd get married to your sis not because he will get a visa for abraod he shd marry her for her education , deeds , upbringing etc.

you can start by asking friends / acquintances of your & your family in the country of your residence to refer any good guy for marriage. you may also seek help from shaadi.com as mcpendu suggested but be extra careful with that also.

i firmly believe that this is all naseeb and her going to be husband's proposal will knock at your door at the time decided by allah and you even realise how it all happened.

wish you good luck.

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Actually there is nothing wrong with the conservative up bringing, i am proud of her, she is starting a successful career, yet a modest girl with strong moral values. I rather have her then a girl with a lot of stories. On other side it is not we want to import the guy for her. I am proud to say that despite most of life spending outside, Pakistan is the only country she loves. Our parent made a point to spend every school holiday at our family home in Karachi without fails. She also would like to marry in Pakistan only, (we are not in importing a guy, but more looking for compatibility) with only condition that she would be final person to give approval and we have no problem with her. On other side she is horrified to see how our society losing it values (there is a class discrimination and drinking is fashionable in most of of so call high society areas such as Clifton and Defense). I am been telling her that do not take these NOU DOULATIOUN KE BACHAE sample of Pakistani society, there is good upper middle class peoples still has good bought up and moral values. Anyway thanks for comment.

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I agree with you, that is the reason importing a guy is my last priority, i still hope to get someone locally. But so far nothing much happens. There are not much Pakistanis here, only time for her to socialize was during University as schools has practice to offer scholarships to top students from Pakistan/ India. But she while she was business student and most of Pakistanis were engineering side. Moreover she found most to desi guys (Pakistani/Indian) are like flirting type, so she kept herself away from them. Anyway hope for better thing to come soon, in any case she is just 23 we still have year or two to decide. Thanks again for your honest advice.

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Re: What is the best way???

Do you have family friends in the country you reside in? Maybe they could help your family find someone and put the word out that your family is looking. Maybe attend networking events. Rishtay karney wali aunties/uncles? Then maybe resort to Pakistan as a last option, because it seems that even in Pakistan it is going to be a hard feat to find someone compatible.

Good luck.

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Re: What is the best way???

If you are avoiding clifton and defense then you will have difficulty believing the upper middle class rishtay; you will classify them all as visa seekers.

I would look outside of Pakistan.....perhaps Europe.

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Re: What is the best way???

If she has grown up outside of pakstan then its best to find a man from the country you live in. It doesnt matter how conservative she is, it would be really difficult to match the mind sets of the two people.

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Re: What is the best way???

Here you go. One step solution to all your rishta problems. http://www.paklinks.com/gs/wedding/318498-looking-rishtas-post-here.html

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Re: What is the best way???

Enlist the help of an online matrimonial website: mehndi.com, shaadi.com, etc.

If you are not very socially connected where you are getting rishtas sent to you then you will have to go out there and look for yourself.

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Re: What is the best way???

A good way to find a guy who is somewhat "conservative" and well-educated is by socializing with the people at local masjids. Most of the families there are good muslims and everyone knows everyone in the community so it's easy to find out everything about the guy and his family. That way you won't be "importing" anyone for her. Also, if there are not many Pakistanis in your area, try driving to a neighboring area where there are Pakistanis. Every area has at least one masjid and all the masjids have regular weekly events on Friday or Sunday. I know an aunty who does this to find a girl for her son.

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I am sure you noticed so call class syndrome in Pak society, which is more prevalent in upper class, less in upper middle class families.

I rather have a person, with middle class upbringing without this extra baggage, but must be highly qualified professional so able to move if wish to (no condition though).

I agree the compatibility is a big issue, after joining big O of IT, i was hoping she could find someone.

But that is another big issue, a son of so called "a billionaire family" in Karachi (a distant cousin) is mad about her, i suspect she is mildly effected as well (though always denies, as the families has some "History" and she know it is impossible for both side).

There are less then 200 Pakistani families mostly with young kids, it would be easier for next generation though.

Since she is 23 years only, i would rather try through friends and family recomondation before seeking professional agencies.

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Re: What is the best way???

yeah ask your friends n family for help. if you find two good boys, let me know then :D

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Re: What is the best way???

Contact PSquared :@:

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Re: What is the best way???

^ are you telling me to contact PSquared?

Does she have a single brother or Bro In Law? ;)

Last person to post in this thread wins!
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Fairy Tale, i am sure you should not have any problem, as UAE has huge Pakistani community. there is no much cultural shock as well.

My side, most of Pakistani qualifications (including Medical and CA) are not recognized, most of the Pakistanis here are upper/ mid level transferee in MNC (thus not available), only exception is students came to study on scholarship here.

I know someone imported a son in law having MBA qualification from some institute in Karachi (not IBA), they guy is really very good but could not get a job here as his qualification are not recognized here.

Unless i have a lucky break, otherwise instead of importing Guy, i might need to export her to Pakistan.

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She is guru of all that stuff :fatee:

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So , I should look for Match for You ........ ?????

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Re: What is the best way???

Beware of Vultures........................

No matter what is one's social status, when come to marrying off the sisters/daughters we needed go through this kind of helplessness feeling. There are vultures hiding in human body willing to do any thing to have a chance to bite your flesh, and you need to make a decision to separate real human from vultures.

The lines are so much blurred everyone looks same. And you needed to make a decision sometime it comes good and some time otherwise. It is huge responsibility for parents/ brothers. I shudder to imagine cost of wrong decision, life long suffering for everyone.

My grandfather made a wrong call, and sister earned life long time suffering, uncles needed to take care not only her and her children, but the human vulture calls husband for life. I hope this should not happen to my sisters/daughters.

I really hope she could come and tell me her Mr. Right, in the way it is her life she should take her share of decision making.

A vulture keeping calling from Malaysia, later from London for her hand. Who is this guy? we never seen him, I am sure he never saw her as well, even does not know her name. Just because he is very distant relative, he has license to bother us? All he knows that we are so called well off family.

I am happy one my sis made her own decision, the guy is very nice (actually we all like him as person) may not be a qualified professional we were hope, she might needed to settle down in Karachi, but at least she made decision and lifted a lot weight out of my shoulder.

But for this one of my most LAADLI, I never let her move alone since secondary school, when she was junior college, I made a point to schedule my timing according to her school. When she went to University it was me drove her everyday.

Those days I was her driver, educational / career councilor, and I am still the same. We shared, discussed and debated on everything, sometime heated, but end up always together. No matter how if do not call her at least once in day she would call me just to ask why.

I had big dreams for her, pushed her hard, sometime she angry with me for that, we had heat debates but always end up doing what i want.

After all teas and sweats she successfully graduated with very good honors in one of the competitive school, she got a good job getting into a regional role in one to the top US MNC.

Now what’s next ??

Again she is still a small girl, looking at me for direction. I feels that she sort of likeness towards that so-called "billionaire's son, due to family “history” it is not going to happen, she told him clearly “my family is important to me more then anything. In any case it was always a Long Distance relationship.

Now need to make decision, but it is too difficult for to shoulder too huge responsibility for ones life. All I can do is pray:-

May Allah give us wisdom to make a right decision.
May Allah show us the right person.
May Allah bless her life full of happiness.

Like everyone girl, marriage is journey into unknown, but she is not alone in her hopes and fears.

Beware of Vultures........................