Re: What is Pakistani Shadi Experience really like?
To be honest, I’m still trying to figure it out. But what really helped was one piece of advice that my mother has been giving me since I was little (and I’ve been ignoring until recently …whoops). You have to pick your battles and know when to speak your mind vs. when to hold your tongue. I am a bit impulsive and don’t have a very good history of guarding my tongue. I’ve been trying to improve myself in that regard and I’ve found that to be really good for my relationship.
My advice to you is that if you have any grievances, try to talk to him when he’s in a relaxed frame of mind and therefore more willing to listen to your POV. Also, try to frame your words in a way that don’t shed a negative light on his parents. I’m sure you would hate it if he said anything negative about your folks. Similarly, he would be less receptive to your problems if he thought you were blaming his family for it (however justified it may be). Try to make it about you. e.g. instead of asking him what he does for you (bad move btw), ask him for help on specific tasks (e.g. cleaning up, packing your MIL’s suitcases, etc.). Maybe your husband doesn’t know how to behave with a wife. Men learn from their fathers, and if his father is the “typical” desi male, then you have to be the one to teach him how to be a husband. Most of all, be patient and think positive thoughts. It takes everyone time so don’t worry. You have the rest of your life IA.