After 21 good years of being created and having achieved almost everything that my parents must’ve once desired, when I-out of depression or angst at the selfish business of our society-sometimes decide to wish good bye to a journey which hasn’t been really glorious; the only question that pops up before I become determined to transform my thoughts into action is-“Are my actions creditable enough so that I can fearlessly face Him?” And the answer, as in most people’s case, is always a big-“No”!!
I may not have killed anybody nor have I been a vampire to suck out joy and bliss from the lives of those around but despite having read the Qur’an and discovering spirituality at the age of 10, I somehow don’t find myself fit to proclaim a ‘Muslim’, probably because I purposely overlook my duties towards the faith and deep somewhere there is a sinking feeling that I’m not as pure, noble and dutiful as I used to be and this feeling of worthlessness often coerces my heart to ask for death!
Should He really comply with my demands and get a few men to dig an eternal home for me in Mother Earth’s bosom or should I really thank Him for bestowing an honored life upon me? Until now, I’ve been a fix but the scenario has completely changed in the past few days. In fact, it actually took a tectonic shift a few hours ago.
It so happened, that around 5 am in the morning, our entire neighborhood was awakened by shrill cries and lamenting of a Hindu family that lost a son due to prolonged illness. He is survived by his wife and a daughter he had adopted after 20 years of religious visits to the best gynecologists in town bore no fruit. What saddened me the most was not the way all his family members-immediate and extended ones-lamented or wailed before his corpse, but the manner in which his widow-all decked up like a bride-was made to sit next to him and an old lady untied her long stresses, broke her red bangles, wiped off her sindoor; while she sat benumbed and senseless with her little 6 year old daughter innocently witnessing the entire episode without even realizing that she’s now orphaned for the second time! Is this something he must’ve yearned for? No!
Similarly, a man in his late twenties was dragged out of his house during Sehri in the month of Ramzan, by underworld guys because he was a police informer, while his wife and children pleaded for mercy. A few days later, his body –with every vein cut and intestine visible—was found in a dump yard near his house! Did he ask for such a death? No
I know these incidents because they’ve happened at ground zero, but I fail to understand what it feels like when terrorists in uniform-pro or anti government-ransack happy homes, rape daughters and mothers before everyone and kill sons of poor farmers in broad daylight or how it is like when a loved one leaves the house saying he’s off to the mosque for a prayer and you later come to know a bomb had exploded in that very holy place. Or what do the family members of a girl, who was molested and burnt to death by her in laws for dowry, feel when they not only lose their child but their honor and pride is butchered as well.
People say that the angel of death changes his face according to the soul he’s about to carry. When he knocks at the door of a pious man, he’s calm and serene and the person has no difficulty in breathing his last but when it’s the other way round, the angel of death looks more ferocious and merciless and that this person of bad deed struggles a lot before finally biding adieu to the material world
I don’t know how much of it is true. If it really is, then somebody please tell me, how much time does the angel of death take or what garb is adorned by him or how quickly he changes his state of mind while he goes on a rampant spree of snatching away the lives of hundreds of Iraqis, Palestinians, Kashmiris and Pakistanis who are the favorites of all suicide attackers and their motherland that has somehow been reduced to a recreational land where politicians don’t mind playing dirty games even if it means ruining a million families?
None of the above mentioned people asked for death, not at least before they could fulfill the promises they’d made to their loved ones or completed their responsibilities. Perhaps, they must’ve begged for mercy to save some breathes…and here I am, a sensitive girl who was just miffed by a few idiotic professional bad luck, inviting death over coffee, without realizing the reason (foremost one being, for writing and boring everyone!!) for being alive and kicking….Yes, I’m here to do something and I will
Signing out with a hope that , whenever you feel depressed and want to bid tata good bye to your beautifully beautiful life, this write up will at least serve as an anodyne, if not a complete remedy package.
