What if your husband (or wife) slaps you ?

diamond321 · March 24, 2010, 3:41am

Depends upon the situation/reasons. Sometimes a loved one may slap you if you’re going hysterical. Or if you’ve done something sooooooo abominable such as a huge betrayal or breach of trust…then the other person may lose control with you for the first time.

On the other hand, if your spouse is frequently abusing on a regular basis (ridiculing you, putting you down, embarrassing you, screaming at you in public, hitting you)…and is showing no sign of improvement, then leave. A person may be patient with your first few lapses in judgment, but if dysfunctional behavior is a freaking PATTERN…best to get out. And I know that kids complicate the issue, but that’s not a healthy environment for kids to be raised in.

Unfortunately, even though Islam has allowed divorce (as a last resort)…and from a religious perspective…frequent abuse is valid grounds for divorce…unfortunately the D-word is a huge stigma for women in desi society. Even if the husband was abusive or more at fault…there will still be people in society who will blame the woman and treat the divorce as if it is a blemish on her character. The abusive guy might get remarried to a girl considerably younger who he may not be worthy of…but it might be a bit more challenging for a divorced woman to remarry. It’s this very unjust stigma and its consequences that may deter a desi woman from leaving even the worst brute of a husband.

Also, if she has no job, or little education/credentials…then she may not leave her abusive husband because she’s financially dependent upon him. I think that geographic location plays a role as well. If a woman with no job experience lives in a city where there are greater job opportunities and where the culture is more open-minded…it can make it easier for her to leave her husband, get a job, and start a life for herself. If she’s living in a place where there are few opportunities and the culture is harsh toward women…it naturally makes it tougher.

I agree that sometimes halat makes it hard for a woman to leave an abusive relationship.