This is an interesting thought in my head… What if the roles were reversed.. How would you all react then? I’ve been aching to ask my in laws the same but obviously I can’t. What if their son was a girl..and things and stuff they do were being done to their sons? How would you feel…?
Does karma exist? Do good and good comes to you?
I’m starting to question every thing. Things are better for me.. But the fact that they say that my parents have no importace bugs me. How my husband doesn’t have to meet my parents.. Etc etc. So in real light only the boys parents matter right? Indeed it’s a crime to have daughters.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
But the fact that they say that my parents have no importace bugs me.
They say that?
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
That my husband rarely visited my parents before marriage so he doesn't have to meet them now.. That he can't ever spend the night. Etc
^So what? They're YOUR parents... he has no obligations towards them other than salam/dua/general politeness. If he is disrespectful, then that is a different case.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
^So what? They're YOUR parents... he has no obligations towards them other than salam/dua/general politeness. If he is disrespectful, then that is a different case.
...and she has no obligations towards his parents either, so he should behave the same way with his in laws as well since his wife treats his parents with courtesy
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Exactly my point. Why am I made to live with his parents on their terms? Give them time. Do their work. Mingle in their social circle etc while my family is only related to me?
Did u know what they were like when u got married?
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Exactly my point. Why am I made to live with his parents on their terms? Give them time. Do their work. Mingle in their social circle etc while my family is only related to me?
You were engaged for YEARS and knew that your in-laws were like this. None of this is a surprise to you. You knew that you would have to live with your in-laws and you knew exactly how your FIL/MIL lived and your husband made it very clear to you what the expectations would be after marriage.
The real question here is that why should your in-laws change their behavior or views when you knew how they were before marriage? They didn't hide anything from you. If you weren't willing to fulfill what they wanted from a bahu, why did you marry into this family?
By the way, no one of making you live like this. You're not being held prisoner in your in-laws home. You had a choice when you were engaged and you have a choice now.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
I think class, social level and financial status of families define behavior in Pakistani society.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
I think class, social level and financial status of families define behavior in Pakistani society.
To a certain extent yes. But there are exceptions to every rule.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Some ppl will stick to kameengi until it happens to their daughter. Thrn they will remember rights of girl n feelings of dil. I hope so at least.
^ If what Paheli00 is saying is true, then it's not kameengi. If she knew already what they were like, why complain?
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
^ If what Paheli00 is saying is true, then it's not kameengi. If she knew already what they were like, why complain?
Exactly.
And even if she just realized this, she can still make this clear to her hubby in a polite but firm manner that she shouldn't be expected to just forget about her family. She didn't just fall from a tree, and feels like she has certain duties to look after her parents as well. If her husband can't be a part of it, he shouldn't at least stop her from those certain duties. And if OP fulfills her duties at her own home regularly, no way hubby can stop her.
Nothing to do with being a man or woman. I am a woman and we communicate and meet with my parents more than his because mine live closer.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Yes before marriage I had a long relationship. In the long relationship they met my parents less but whenever they spoke of marriage it never meant we won't be able to go to their place.
Anyway alhumdillah I go everyday for my business and then after two weeks I spend two nights.
My husband rarely ever meets or communicates. This bothers me a lot. But i believe slowly I can change things?
Like initially in marriage they had issue with me working from mom's house. Then issue with me going for a sleep over. So things are changing. Just guide me about how I can communicate this to my husband better without a fight.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Yes before marriage I had a long relationship. In the long relationship they **met my parents less but whenever **they spoke of marriage it never meant we won't be able to go to their place. Anyway alhumdillah I go everyday for my business and then after two weeks I spend two nights. **My husband rarely ever meets or communicates. This bothers me a lot. **But i believe slowly I can change things?
Like initially in marriage they **had issue with me working from mom's house. Then issue with me going for a sleep over. So things are changing. Just guide me about how I can communicate this to **my husband better without a fight.
Your initial post here is referring to your in-laws. Now you're talking about your husband. So who exactly are you trying to change? Your husband or in-laws? Or both?
You go to your mom's house every-single-day due to your work. You are even spending 2 nights there every two weeks. You're still not satisfied? Now your complaint is that your husband rarely meet or communities with YOUR parents?! How often did your husband meet or communicate with your parents in the 7 YEARS you were engaged to him? How often did he do it during the 1 year in between the nikah and ruksati?
What specifically are you expecting here from your husband? How often do you think he should be meeting or communicating with your parents?
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
I often talk with my daughters and their friends about "their' expectations and such about marriage.
Many 100% believe if "he" pursues them, it must be "love" Or if things are not quite going according to Bollywood standards, etc that he will finally come around and accept certain things.
Ie putting their parents first, respect , your bedroom, you taking care of your FIL. etc
Your posts are the posts I suggest everyone read, because, this is to show after 7 years of being engaged, or whatever it is you call it, one is still not happy ever after. The so called drama associated with your life, your relationship etc is like the pathetic dramas on Zee TV.
i recall one of your posts stating you are 'religious". Please vent to the Almighty and ask for His divine Mercy and intercession.
I hope you manage to mold and control your husband, his family into whatever it is you want them to be. Maybe then you will achieve some semblance of peace.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
I would suggest, leave in-laws out of it. Talk to your hubby in a polite way, tell him you try your best to maintain relationship with his family but you can't abandon your family who have taken care of you so well all your life. If one can't be there for their parents, they can't do anything for any relationship either. You just want to take some out of your life to visit your parents and be there for them. If he can accompany you, it will make you happy but if he can't, you will still not stop visiting and caring for your family. It is unnatural, and you wouldn't want your kids to treat you as parents the same way.
As long as your husband understands and shows you support by letting you and your kids (if any) meet your family, don't worry about anyone else.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Puberty would be very confusing
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
I often talk with my daughters and their friends about "their' expectations and such about marriage. Many 100% believe if "he" pursues them, it must be "love" Or if things are not quite going according to Bollywood standards, etc that he will finally come around and accept certain things. Ie putting their parents first, respect , your bedroom, you taking care of your FIL. etc
Your posts are the posts I suggest everyone read, because, this is to show after 7 years of being engaged, or whatever it is you call it, one is still not happy ever after. The so called drama associated with your life, your relationship etc is like the pathetic dramas on Zee TV.
i recall one of your posts stating you are 'religious". Please vent to the Almighty and ask for His divine Mercy and intercession.
I hope you manage to mold and control your husband, his family into whatever it is you want them to be. Maybe then you will achieve some semblance of peace.
This! Especially bolded every girl who thinks marriage will make her happy needs to read.
Re: What if you were a girl? What if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Thought of me being a girl is terrifying.