What if you dont want to have children? I am not saying this is the case with me. I am wondering how many desis out there dont want to have children, but want a spouse.
Maybe there have been some studies/research on this. Anyone know?
In highschool(atleast the one I attended) girls often said that they didnt want to have kids, especially the desi girls. (I happened to be one of them.) Is this due to a persons age that so many think in this way?
Now when I hear young girls say this, I usually tell them to keep their options open for what the future may present. However, it is their right to not want to have children.
Do you want to have children? If you do/dont, why/why not?
I believe I want to, however I am terribly afraid that I wouldnt make a good mother.
You sound just as uncertain as i was about marriage .
What we say before can change ,you dont have to honor them in case you worry just say “i changed my mind”:nahnah:
The difficulty is … finding the partner to go with that & to be fair to him/her letting know before marriage !
Munni
One thing i ll let you know… i think desire to have children is GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.
Its indicator of Normalcy not that non normal dont desrve to live .
I feel all aberrations from desire to be single ,marry same sex,have perverted sex like Oral or three some or anal all are ABNORMAL No matter how much alliances are there in liberal arts college for almost everything being personal rights & choice .IT IS NOT THE NORM
I still judge everything from how much deviant you are from theMEDIAN MEAN & mODE..statistically .Again i dont dislike aberrent or hate them but being honest to all .
I have a desi friend who is very nazuk, extremely thin, and very girly type. In high school she used to say she would never have kids, it’s too much pain, and she’d rather adopt. Now that she is engaged and a few years have passed since she’s made those comments, she’s all ready to have kids. Asked why the change, and all she could do was blush. She said that her fiance wants to have kids, and since she also loves kids, the pain would be worth it. Hmm okay.
Sorry to stray off the topic a bit.
Well there was a time not too long ago when I wanted the opposite...no spouse...just adopt a child...no huby trouble and I think i have teh capabilty of providing a child with a stable home, plus I love kids...but I then 'someone' came along and took all my fears and pains about marriage away!
All my life I used to think I was gonna have a lot of kids after marriage. Even in high school, I was sure that I wanted at least 6 kids after marriage. But now that I'm almost 21, that has changed. Now they irritate me. Once you have kids, you get tied down. You have to follow a daily schedule and can't be spontaneous anymore. Once I'm married, I'll have kids b/c I'm sure whoever I marry would want kids...but it's not something I'm too crazy about. If whoever I married said they never want children, I'm be totally happy with that.
well, before i got married i used to think the kids make too much of shor sharaba and noise... so i always thought ke aik ya do kids bohot hotay hain.. abhi bhi i am married and expecting for the first time... i am still not sure whether or not have more kids.
but i always wanted to have my own kids someday ziada nahein aik ya do :)
Personally I don't want to have children, I know people reading this will think I'll change my mind once I'm married but I highly doubt I will. don't get me wrong, I don't hate children or anything but i don't have any desire to have my own and it's something I've fely strongly about for the past 10 years or so.
Why is a person incomplete with a child? Does that mean that anyone who choses not to have children, or can't have children, does not lead a full and happy life?
Supposing you do have children and they grow up and become mass murderers (extreme scenario I know), would you say that the parents would still say that their children have bought them great happiness?
ummmm same with me.... when i was in HS i had the same feelings that i dun want kids after marriage because its just too much pain which i cant bear it.. but ohh well now i m like I cant be a complete women without kids..
and normally when u dun have kids your values get lower in family.. specially in susraaal.... cuz they want their family to grow... and without kids family cant be complete..
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*Originally posted by jelly belly: *
Supposing you do have children and they grow up and become mass murderers (extreme scenario I know), would you say that the parents would still say that their children have bought them great happiness?
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Jelly Belly: Life is unpredictable like a gamble. There is a good side and then there is a bad one too. Why assume that something will only turn wrong? Scenario you described is sad but it does not mean that one should plan on not having kids because we think that they will only turn into monsters or something. To me life is incomplete without kids (own or adopted), its the way of nature. Rest lies in the hands of God.
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*Originally posted by jelly belly: *
Why is a person incomplete with a child? Does that mean that anyone who choses not to have children, or can't have children, does not lead a full and happy life?
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I guess they don’t. Not to sound arrogance or anything but when someone has no children...how can they know they are living a full and happy life??
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Supposing you do have children and they grow up and become mass murderers (extreme scenario I know), would you say that the parents would still say that their children have bought them great happiness?
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To some extent it is their parents duty to bring up Good well mannered children in this world so they (children) can be your source of happiness but then again ...even Prophet Noah (as) had a disobedient son. Do you think parents has stop loving their ungrateful children??
I think people have the right to make the decision to have kids or not. However, I think it's retarded to say that life is incomplete without kids or that a woman or couple is complete without kids, I mean that's abolutely arrogant. You can make the above statement as your opinion, but not as a fact.
Personally I think people who have kids really really miss the times they didn't have kids. I think as time goes by, it all becomes "worth it" to them. In my opinion, the sacrifices far outweigh the benefits. I don't see the point of having kids. They're a financial burden, they take almost all your time so that you now have zero time for yourself or your spouse, you cannot be spontaneous, you're tied down, and worst of all, most kids don't even appreciate what you do for them.
This is all my opinion, you child mongers need not bother telling me how wrong I am, I have the right to an opinion. Thankfully, my wife agrees with me on this one.
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*Originally posted by aahmed: *
In my opinion, the sacrifices far outweigh the benefits. I don't see the point of having kids. They're a financial burden, they take almost all your time so that you now have zero time for yourself or your spouse, you cannot be spontaneous, you're tied down, and worst of all, most kids don't even appreciate what you do for them.
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You certainly have interesting opinions on this issue, and as you said you have a right to your opinion, just out of curiosity if your parents had made the same choices as you have, then this would probably be a moot point for discussion, cz you wouldn't even be here to argue anyway. :)
Just to set the record straight, I'd say that aahmed is quite right, although he probably exagerrated a bit when he said that kids leave your zero time for yourself. Intelligent parents do end up having some productive time with each other (kids sleep more than adults, right?). The cost-benefit for having kids, in purely financial terms will probably come out quite in the negative, and they do take a lot of their parents time, especially when they are very young... the fact remains that the feeling of parenthood and of having the opportunity to bring up one, two or more kids by instilling in them the values you hold dear and to make them productive citizens of the world, far outweighs the financial and time investments. And as regards kids being non-appreciative, I'd say only one thing... what goes around, comes around. The kids inherit and develop the same values which you teach them. Enough said? And yes, that is again, a personal opinion. :)
Millions of parents in the world evaluate the same factors every day and an over-whelming majority of them decide to procreate, because at the end of the day, this is part of human nature and a natural process. Countless couples around the world live with the sadness that they can never become parents of their own flesh and blood, and only they know how painful that feeling is.
She said that her fiance wants to have kids, and since she also loves kids, the pain would be worth it. Hmm okay. 
