The process of evolution demands that each generation improve upon the one that preceded. If we agree with this then it becomes incumbent upon us to make some changes in the way we raise our children.
What are some of the lessons you were taught as a child/young adolescent/young adult that you will make a conscious effort NOT to pass on to your children?
For example:
The boys in some families are given more freedom than the girls. It is often okay for the males to stay out later at night while the females are expected to be home at a “decent” hour.
I believe that the curfew should be directly related to age rather than gender and that there is a “decent” hour that applies to both beyond which neither should be away from home.
I like to make my kids street smart also. They should have basic skills to survive and fix things around. I don't want my girls to wait for their dad or hubby to show up if they need to replace a flat, or fix a leak under the sink.
Teach both girls and boys to be confident, empathic and self-sufficient. If something doesn't sound right, don't follow it blindly just because it is the norm. This covers gender roles, expectations re: housework, dowry, etc.
I'll teach them to look out for each other but don't assume that just because it's a girl, she is a little damsel in distress waiting to be rescued.
I want to raise my children blind to color and gender.
Show empathy to those that need it most, not only next to kin. I’ve seen way to often my immediate/extended family giving preferance to Pakistan when it comes to charity work. I wish we’d be able to see the Muslim Ummah and not the Pakistani people.
My parents didn’t differentiate between my brother and I - if anything I think I was better taken care of because I was a girl. He often got the short end of the stick. Poor guy.
And tolerance.
Towards, religion - creed- caste- sexuality everything.
Even the smaller things - like judging a SAHM vs Working mom. I want my boys to be able to say - hey it works fro them. Good deal, and walk away.
LOVE this! We desis (well a lot of us) are unknowingly quite racist.. be it skin color, caste, religion.. anyone a bit different from what we're comfortable with is treated as being "inferior"
I'd be so proud of my daughter if she is able to look beyond these differences.
I want my daughter to be aware of different people, races, cultures, religions, but instead of mistrust, I want her to celebrate our differences.
I want her to trust her instincts, I want her to listen to her alarm bells. Whenever we are together and she asks me anything about a situation, I always ask her "Well, what do YOU think?" and then if her thought process is heading in the right direction, I tell her that her instincts were right, if not, I positively steer her in the right direction with "Well, that's one way to think about it, but what about...".
I want her to be able to rely on herself. She's not the biggest and strongest little kid and she'll probably grow up to be a petite little thing, but I want her to be able to analyze a situation and figure out how to resolve an issue even if it involves asking for help. I want her to recognize when to ask for help and when to keep trying.
I want to nurture her love of nature and animals and being outdoors.
I want to encourage her to be a chipkoo with her parents even though it's not always convenient, but I always want her to know that she can always come to us and talk to us about anything.
I want her to always know that telling the truth is more important than consequences and towards that goal we have a rule in this house, if you do something wrong and own up to it, the consequences are going to be much more relaxed than if she was caught lying about doing something wrong.
I want her to be a neat and tidy person, and hygienic.
I want to nurture and encourage her to be kind to others and be generous of spirit.
I want her to understand that parenthood/childhood is a hand in hand relationship, I always tell her that she helps me be a better father and that I also am learning to be a good dad as we move through life, just like she is learning how to be a good child and person. I always tell her that parents aren't perfect either.
I want her to know that gender roles in society are defined BY society and that she doesn't have to be bound by them, that if she doesn't like something, change the way people think. One of her favorite things to say is "Abbu, if you want to wear a dress, you can if you want, you can do anything you want, and you'll still look handsome." Gawww shucks.
Finally, I want to pass down my love of the sea to her, so far it seems to be working.
I would make sure my kids would read good material - fictional or whatever at least 4 pages before bed. Become a book worm. I don't want them to suffer in Critical reading section as I did.
-The gender stuff, we all know what I'm talking about.
-Teach my daughter that her worth lies in her personality and character, not in her looks or weight (well I wasn't taught this but I'm sure this is something all women struggle with).... that she's not worthless if she doesn't look a certain way or gets a bad grade.
-That her sole purpose is not to be a wife and mother, and while those are fulfilling roles, it's OK to want more.
-Not to let people treat her like crap because that's what women are supposed to do, be compromising and soft and willing to bend over backwards.
-both- social etiquette and manners, learn how to be social and talk to people and not be awkward dolts most of their life
I would make sure my kids would read good material - fictional or whatever at least 4 pages before bed. Become a book worm. I don't want them to suffer in Critical reading section as I did.
I am the bookworm in my family. I want to cultivate the joy of reading in my kids. It does wonders for their vocabulary, writing skills, and ability to think deeply and critically.
I am the bookworm in my family. I want to cultivate the joy of reading in my kids. It does wonders for their vocabulary, writing skills, and ability to think deeply and critically.
I know countless hours of reading Drudge report, atlantic NYT 6 months before the exam didn't help. Was a real struggle in both SATs and MCATs. Its a basis of standardized testing now a days
I want my daughter to be stronger than me. I want her to be independent, to be humble but to know her worth. I don't want my kids to define their worth by their looks, or material things, or even by some guy or girl...I don't want them to become consumed by these things. I want to foster hayaa/modesty in my kids because there is such a decline in this trait in the today's society. I don't want to be the kind of parent who puts greater emphasis on academics while namaz and Quran take a backseat; I want them to have taqwa. I want them to have some domestic skills as well..too be able to cook etc. My mom had placed more emphasis on education so that took a backseat and it's harder to get into the habit of it later on...so that's one thing I 'd do differently with my own kids. I don't want them to be sheeples that blindly follow every trend; I want them to think critically about things. There are so many other things...but these are what come to mind for now. It's easier to answer the question in terms of what I want my kids to do as opposed to what I don't want to do with them. And there's nothing wrong with the latter; it's just easier to think along those lines.
One of the most important things I want to teach my kids (which my parents/elders didn't stress enough or at all)...the importance of financial responsibility. My parents never discussed money, credit, financial stability etc with us. Sure we got allowance, and worked summers in the family business, but I was never "taught" how to properly budget, or about what it takes to buy a car...a house. My husband and I are very vocal and open with our kids about how finances work (credit cards, savings and checking accounts, earning vs spending etc). I don't want them to be 18 and have their first glimpse of credit card at the table in the university quad where someone is enticing them with "free money" and their own visa/MasterCard. I want them to know the importance of a dollar, how to spend and more importantly save wisely, and be super conscious of building a good and strong credit.
^Also, some of the lessons that u want to teach your kids are the kind that they have to experience themselves or learn the hard way in order for them to internalize those lessons.
