What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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So what do desi folk expect as the norm when visiting a new mum for the first time to give mubarak for a newborn?

Is the new mum expected to provide tea with nibbles/mitaai? Or do you offer something more substantial?

Also, is it traditional for the new mum to give well wishers a gift (e.g. a suit) or is that something that is seen as old skool rather than with the times of today?

Oh not sure if this makes any difference, but I’m in the UK, not sure if desi folk in America expect something slightly different that UK folk.

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

when i had my son, and ppl came to greet us.. we just put some mithai (which we got loads of ) and some tea... no dinner lunch lavish rizz mizz. maybe soem biscuits.. thats it..

ure second q is more for family im guessing... when a couple have a baby, they give their elders stuff... my dad did it when us kids were born... gave something to his own mom and his mil.. but thats it. oh and ofcourse to his wife, my mom, as a pushing prezzie

at our son's birth.. the only person that got anything was me :D

i think it depends on what you as a couple want to do... and what you can afford. my husband couldnt afford to give gold sets to both his mom and my mom and it wasnt exepcted either.. i think its old school now.. but again.. depends on families.. i know my family back home still does this :)

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Thank you for that Khawateen. I was hoping mitaai would be substainal with tea. The thought of preparing other food directly after birth is a scary prospect.

Mum was thinking about giving suits to the nearest/dearest as Mashallah it's our first baby and the fathers side of the family in is Karachi so won't be able to do all the stuff here.

Yeah gold is out of the question for us too-doing up a house/garden and preparing for baby can get quite expensive.

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

to be honest.. its upto you... we live with teh in laws and my own mother was visiting... we did an aqeeqa .. a lavish one... and we had it catered.... as for the ppl visiting us at home.. we could have listened to all teh advice flying our way or just do as we thought best.. we did the latter and were quite pleased.. no one got pissed at being served mithai or biscuits with tea or cold drinks... and its just the new mom doign it all.. i think its understood that no one should come expecting a 7 course meal!

you can also get ready made bhel puri mixes by haldiram.. just chop up some tomatoes and onions and its a great snack idea.. ppl loved it when tey came to see our son...

as for the gift giving..again .. upto you... my mom knew the elders get stuff at the birth of a child.. but she said that its our first child, whatever tradition we start right now, it will be expected to remain consistent for the rest of our lives.. so dont do anything you cant keep doing in teh future. my mil agreed.

so the mil and my own mom just got lil prezzies to show them that we appreciate the help they offered.. but i wouldnt call it major gift giving.. i was the only got something major as a pushing prezzie from the husband...

so if its you that will be spending the money to buy these prezzies.. just talk it over with your husband.. if its a tradition you guys would like to keep going and if its something you guys can afford, they why not :)

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

we just had our 2nd child and we served tea/juice, biscuits, shop bought cakes and mithai.

we did an aqeeqa simple lamb pilao and lamb salan with salad and naan.

we didn't give gifts to the elders/nearest dearest.

some old school ladies will bring a gift for the baby and also for the new mom but not everyone does that.

if we give a gift for a new baby it is just for the baby not the mom.

it's your budget you have to keep in mind.

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

I think having mithai and just little snacks with tea is fine in this case. When people came to see the baby my mom had prepapred some somose and rolls that she would just fry right when someone was coming. She had some other snacks at home as well so it was convienent for her to get it ready.
As for the gift we got mithai for our close relatives to give them and I was the only one who got a present from hubby:)

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

This is the first time I've heard that the new parents are supposed to give something aside from mithai...but not gifts...rather she should recieve them.

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Ive recently visited a TON of new moms...seems like everyone decided to give birth in the same month...lol.

Anyway, I actually dont expect ANY khatir dari. Rather, I took something substantial (a pan of biryani, salan, etc) to eat at all the homes I visited because I felt like they might need help with the cooking. The new mothers are swamped with visitors and not exactly in the position to be slaving over a hot stove.

Also, I took a gift for the newborn...Ive never heard of the new parents giving gifts to anyone...not even family.

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Same

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

In our family any well wishers get tea/coffee/cold drink along with stuff that is easy to put together - so biscuits, cake and of course mithai is served.

Never heard of the new parents giving out gifts, but we never go to visit new parents without taking a gift of some sort (usually money for the newborn).

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Well in our family, mitaee is usually distributed in pretty gift packages to all close friends and family after the baby is born. Then a aqeeqa party is given to family members and relatives. Guests who were not invited to the party or come before the aqeeqa to see the newborn are usually served whatever is easy to put together not a lavish meal, just snacks like chana chaat, somasas, eggrolls, shami kebobs, fruit salad, pound cake, etc...

Close family members usually the sisters of the husband and mother are usually given small gifts like a outfit or ring (piece of jewlery).

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i think tea with meetai is enough..or you can also add samosas, cake or pakoras with it

i think its diffuclt for a new mom to prepare meals for the guests...

for gifts, in our family we also give a suit or a a gift to all the guests who came to see the baby....

i have a question? when is aqeeqa done? i heard on the 7th day but can it be done after a month?

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Re: What hospitality is expected when you visit a new mum?

aqeeqa party can be doen whenever.. its most important to have the goat slaughtered within 7 days. most ppl do teh party at the same time as its recommended to use the meat of the goat slaughtered.