Sometimes you talk to certain people and they leave you with billion things to think of.
I was speaking with one of my clients and all of a sudden i hear her crying. I asked whats wrong, in next 10 min she went on and on with her life. " My x husband use to beat me, it took me 7 yrs to stand up for myself and move on. He broke 2 of my fingers and hit me while i was driving thats when i broke my back. Today i am disable. I support 3 kids and my new husband with only 1300 a month".
We all hear things from each other or directly from the person who has gone through some tough times of their lives.
But for sone weird reason that women left me with many questions. How can you feel love for somone marry them, promise to be their for them, tell them you love them, those promises, marriage vows and so much more…how can one hurt someone they love so much?
What kind of a pleasure can one get by harming someone physically.
It's because most are too desparate to be "in love" to think properly before they take the leap. Pretty soon they find out its not always happily ever after in real life.
I have heard similar stories from my psychology n sociology professors
my sociology prof himself was abused by his wife, eventhough he is a very tall and strong man and has been in army for a while.
and he was like these are the ppl who know that you are attached to them so they try taking advantage of you, they know you will keep coming back to them no matter what. because they know you are kinda dependant on them, just like it took her 7 yrs.
we had a really sizzling discussion about this in class too, and one black guy said guyz beat women because women want to get beaten that’s why no matter what the guy does the woman stays with him. that’s buncha bull, the woman’s just scared cuz he has treated her that way so now she has lost all her confidence and independence and feels that she can’t do nothing.
they also like to manipulate the other partner saying they love them and care so much about them but then later on go about abusing them and hitting them. i think people like these definetly have self issues and definetly need to get some counseling.
it’s definetly sad though, all the vows they take of protecting eachother and loving and caring for the other. humans have a thing to belong somewhere and to be loved by someone, so when they think a person is interesting and “think” they can spend their life wid em they quickly get married, only to realize later on that they have many differences and instead of making all that work they get a divorce or just dont’ care bout it or abuse the other. i think these days it’s very very very hard to find true love, times have changed so have people and many concepts. there is not long lasting love or marriage these days, all were the old times.
A lot has been said about domestic abuse, about the causes and consequences. The most logical explanation I've heard so far is that people who were abused as children tend to abuse their own spouse and children.
^ No, Fallenpieta; however it seems that BV and I share the same icon. There are a number of GS icons to choose from so it seems that we had both chosen the same one when we registered respectively.
i think a lot of these problems arise when people get blinded by temper and anger, lose sight of all logic and self control, and resort to abuse...deep in their hearts they might care, but in the heat of the moment, anger overtakes them and they commit some crazy violent and abusive actions...when this happens again and again repeatedly over a period of time, it affects the relationship permanently and may even lead the relationship breaking up...
no wonder in Islam we are told to control our tempers...anger is the worst worst worst quality in a human being...
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*Originally posted by nia_khan: *
Sometimes you talk to certain people and they leave you with billion things to think of.
I was speaking with one of my clients and all of a sudden i hear her crying. I asked whats wrong, in next 10 min she went on and on with her life. " My x husband use to beat me, it took me 7 yrs to stand up for myself and move on. He broke 2 of my fingers and hit me while i was driving thats when i broke my back. Today i am disable. I support 3 kids and my new husband with only 1300 a month".
We all hear things from each other or directly from the person who has gone through some tough times of their lives.
But for sone weird reason that women left me with many questions. How can you feel love for somone marry them, promise to be their for them, tell them you love them, those promises, marriage vows and so much more....how can one hurt someone they love so much?
What kind of a pleasure can one get by harming someone physically.
pyar itni jaldi khatam ho jata hai?
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Nia - so far in my short life i have come across several people, mainly women, who find it extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship. I actually personally knew a girl whose boyfriend was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to her. yet she still wanted to marry him. there was no reasoning with her.
and that stemmed from her own lack of self esteem. she believed she didn't deserve any better. one of my other friends, her family and i all tried very hard to convince her and to try to help her see the truth, but she was not willing to see it. she would much rather be in this abusive relationship than be alone. she went on to marry him. lost an unborn child due to the abuse and still never left him. now they have a beautiful daughter together and according to her, he is not abusive to the child but continues to be abusive to her. there is just no convincing her.
and you know as it stands, if there is "SUSPECTED" child or elder abuse, we are all mandated to report it, but no such laws exist regarding domestic violence. you cannot do anything about it until the woman herself decides to leave. its sad...but sometimes it hurts more to know that you can't do anything to help.
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
i honestly dont understand how women can handle any suit of abuse and still stay with the guy
how does one get their self esteem back? how does one believe that they are worth so much more than this crap...?
i wish i could help these women realise they dont need to stay in such reltionships that only give u a mere 2 seconds of happiness
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sadzzz - i don't know the answers to your questions either. i myself have wondered the same thing for years now. it just makes you feel sooooo useless to not be able to help these women who desperately need help but are not willing to take it because they really don't know how to exist without this person in their life.
its sad. and the lack of self esteem often stems from events in their lives that have made them feel this way. for example, someone who was raped as a young woman and did not have any therapy or counselling to discuss these issues, usually end up blaming themselves and feel that they are worthless. sexual abuse from someone they know has also been a cause in some cases, along with physical abuse of the mother by their own father and having grown up in a household with that environment, most children feel that it is "normal".
one of the nurses once told me a story. she said she was talking to a teenager who had just given birth to a child the night before. the nurse was talking to her and noticed some old bruises on the younger mother. next, she told her, you know "i've been married for 50 years and my husband has never laid a hand on me. he has never ever hit me." and the young mother was sooooooooooooooooooooooo surprised by this comment. she could not fathem the thought that this woman's husband had NEVER hit her. she was shocked.
Someone in my family went through an abusive marriage and got out of it, it wasnt physical but verval/emotional abuse. I think it depends on the person how strong they are, and the support around them to help them.
