what does this mean

Lifestyle Relationships
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what could be the reason for someone who you broke up with to contact you and tell you 5 years after the fact that they’ve found someone? Keep in mind I left the guy because he was so abusive so I’ve had zero regrets…the guy contacted me, said he found someone, asked how he could know whether she really cares about him or not and then went on and on about how great he treats her (i highly doubt it…once a douche, always a douche).

It really bugs me that I even responded to his simple salam in the first place to give him the opportunity to tell me all this crap…I feel like a fool and have such anger at myself for giving him a chance to have a normal conversation rather than curse him out like i used to.

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Re: what does this mean

  1. He wants a reaction. An immature mechanism by which to see if you even remember him or care about him anymore. Which you do not, so don't even respond to him.

  2. He wants to make you jealous. Therefore, he is continuing to abuse you, even now that you're out of the relationship.

Is this your ex-husband?

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The only thing I can think of is that he wants to make you jealous.

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Re: what does this mean

thanks pyaricgudia... your response was really helpful, simple and clear cut. its funny that when we're in situations like this, we aren't able to analyze as well as others.

nope, thank God it never got that far. my childhood obsession, my first love you could say.

I was lucky enough to marry someone who has really taught me the meaning of true love. its been just two months but we're happily married alhumdulillah!

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Re: what does this mean

thanks fatspartan :)

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So what did you tell him concerning his questions of if the girl he's with likes him or not? Did you tell him that you also found someone? The best way to deal with this type is just to ignore them.

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Re: what does this mean

you're right, I should've done that to begin with and now I'm regretting it.

he knows I just got married, which is why I think he's all of a sudden messaged me with this random info.

my response was its hard to know whether someone really loves you, the way I've been able to tell though is that with my husband, if there was ever a decision where on the one hand, its something he would want, and on the other, its something thats best for me, he will always choose whats best for me. Also, he will always look for my long-term betterment in any situation...for example, whenever, and I mean whenever I have fought with my elder sister, he has always told me to apologize....even if I think or know that I'm right. He's never been a source of creating division in my family or between me and my friends. on the other hand, with Biggest Mistake Ever, he used to only want me to do what he wanted, not what was best for me, not what would be in the best interest of my reputation or self-respect. he would try to pull me away from my family and my friends.

Thats the only way I know how to define love...to notice the differences between someone who says they love you and someone who shows it.

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Re: what does this mean

yea I also think he called to make you jealous...
But I don't think his phonecall should effect you...in any case it should make you happy to see that you got saved from marrying a complete idiot! If your happily married and love your hubby...then the past shouldn't matter!

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Re: what does this mean

an attempt to look for an opening through jealousy, BTW congrats on your wedding and may Allah bless you with a happy and prosperous married life :k:

Time Pass - February
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Re: what does this mean

I think its jealousy and ego boost in his part to see if you care about him and some people get an ego boost out of that .... i say whn someone does something pathetic like that u just tell them how great your life has been without them and how awesome u feel and that puts them in the right place.

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Hi Jalebi,

You think the guy is a douche. You've moved on with your life. You responded to his salam.........probably because you were curious. I mean most people would be curious as to why someone that they've had no contact with for 5 years has suddenly emailed them

As to why he's telling you that he's found someone.......and that too after 5 years......well there could be be a few reasons for that:

1) His ego. Abusive people want to CONTROL their victims. It's a sign of insecurity, really. They want full control of people and situations. And since YOU were the one who dumped HIM...........you basically took that control away from him. You didn't let him make decisions or control you........YOU took control of your OWN life. It hurt his ego. He's trying to show you that he's DESIRABLE.....he's trying to prove his worth.........trying to show that there actually is a GIRL that wants to be with him.

Have you ever seen Pride and Prejudice? I watched the movie recently, so the example comes to mind. Well......Lizzie Bennet rejects Mr. Collins. And Mr. Collins ends up marrying her friend, Charlotte Lucas. The next time, Mr. Collins and Lizzie meets..........he sorta shows off about good life is for him and his new bride.........and is basically saying "Look what you missed out. I'm desirable and you missed your chance." In reality.......his ego was offended.

Your ex thinks that he's trying to show YOU how great he is, that there's nothing wrong with him, that YOU made a mistake by dumping him, and that he's still desirable to other females. In reality........................he's only trying to REASSURE HIMSELF (but doesn't realize it).

2) If he felt the need to contact you.....he probably still feels sore about the rejection. He obviously still "cares" about your opinion in a really twisted sense.
But don't be flattered or deceived by that. Because......if he truly cared about you..........he would have treated you right in the first place. And if he had truly become a better person in these past 5 years.............he would have contacted you to be pleasant and not to show off or attempt to make you jealous. So, through his attempts to make YOU feel bad and jealous..........he's trying to see if he can CONTROL you through his mind games. He hasn't changed much. Don't email him. Don't talk to him. End it!

3) He's hoping that if he mentions his girlfriend to you........that you'll get jealous. And IF you get jealous..........then he'll think "Ooooo.......she still likes me. I'm irresistible. She can't get over me. She wasn't better off without me." SO, please don't give him the satisfaction.

*******I'd advise you to just not even respond to him. OR.......tell him in a **VERY PLEASANT manner that you're truly happy for him that he has found someone and that you hope that he'll be mature enough to treat this girl with dignity and respect because nobody likes a control freak. Say "best wishes" to him. And don't ever respond again. He's going to be SOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY...........that you have moved on with your life, and that you are not even the slightest bit jealous.

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Re: what does this mean

what if my id was ladoo, how would you address me then RV? :pcg:

or even better, what if it was babyLadoo hmm