what does it mean when
a] your mother in law doesnt really talk much on phone with you, and quickly passes it to someone else…not in a mean way, just maybe run out of conversation( after 1 minute) OR something else…
Okay…so you said she doesn’t do it in a mean way. So, what’s the problem? If she DOES do it in a mean way, then it would be understandable for you to be concerned.
b] she in one conversation says live simply, simple life.( does she think im screwing her sons money, or is this just genuine advice…
It could mean that. BUT…the comment is so broad that it could mean a whole bunch of things. Perhaps she’s giving you advice from experience. It is better to live a simple lifestyle…and not that of extravagance. I think that Islam recommends that as well. There are so many people who get caught up in competing with the Jones’…outdoing each other with their cars, homes, etc…and it causes more stress (debt, etc). You can try to dissect her words and come up a slew of negative assumptions. But…in the end…her words are not bad. Even if it was meant as advice…there’s nothing negative in it. The economy is bad all over the world and it’s even worse in third world countries like Pakistan…perhaps your MIL just wants you and your hubby to be practical during these strained times. There would be greater concern if she gave advice that is blatantly harmful.
c] whenever theres an occasion, like a birthday, or whatever, she will say ( on the phone, as shes in pak) ACHEY KAPREY PEHNA…wtf…do i not wear nice clothes, or is this again, just normal advice…
Again, the comment is so broad that many interpretations can apply. To THIS DAY…my mom will tell me “Achay kapray pehna karo. Achi tarha se raha karo.” Sometimes my mom will say this because she feels I waste the fancy/dressy clothes I get from Pakistan by not wearing them. You’re newly married. Perhaps your MIL is hoping that you won’t waste the fancy outfits she bought for you…and that you’ll wear them. Also, in desi culture…newly wedded women are expected get really dressed up for special occasions. My cousin got married TWO YEARS ago…she now has a seven-month-old son…but when I met her in Pak a few days ago…she was realllllly dressed up…fancy clothes…quite a bit of gold jewelry…even mehendi. In our culture…I guess people look forward to a newly wed girl to look like a newly wed girl, if that makes sense. And it could be that your MIL just wants you to dress like it.
what kinda person does she think i am…she hardly talks to me, most of the time shes quiet, and when she does talk its crap advice like above…or am i taking it too personally…
Her advice is not crap…it’s reasonable. There are all kinds of people…loud, quiet, outgoing, calm. Often times extroverted personalities feel incompatible with introverted ones. It doesn’t necessarily mean the other person doesn’t like you.
like d] on new years day, me and my hubby text her…she replied back with an extensive deep text to her son, and with me she replied with 1 sentence although i also said love you in the text, no love you back, just normal jumble…
Some families are not very expressive about their feelings…they instead prefer to show their love through actions. My parents are not the type to say “I love you” to their kids very often…but I don’t doubt their love for us because it reflects in their actions. I’ve noticed that in Pak…parents don’t tend to say “I love you” to even their own kids…and you’re just her niece. Don’t get too worked up over it. There are people who abuse the words, “I love you” and don’t even mean them. I’d rather someone say those words with sincerity than just for the heck of it.
so…i think she doesnt like me much, maybe because her son chose me, from her hubbys side of family, not her side…
You used the word “Maybe” and that shows that even YOU are not 100% sure about whether or not she likes you. Maybe she wishes he married someone from her side of the family…maybe she’s okay with you. It doesn’t matter because her son has married you and there’s no reversing that.
but hubby insists she likes me, and shes just quiet and im reading too much into it, just cos im a chatterbox doesnt mean neveryone is…
Even if his mom DID hate your guts…do you really think your husband would tell you that his mom hates you??? I don’t think so. Regardless of her sentiments…what matters most is that your husband loves you and is happy with you. Instead of spending time analyzing her comments…use that time to make your marriage soooooooooo strong that it can withstand any trials…including potential in-laws drama.
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