:salam2:
i have 2 questions in my mind.. kindly guide me in the context of Islam.
Question # 1: - Does Islam allow a girl to choose her better half herself? if yes then what are the conditions (if any)?
Question # 2: - If a man doubts the character of a lady what does Islam say about it? the background information of this question can be seen in the 1st post of the thread thats link is given bellow…
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/471971-what-should-she-do.html
Thanks a lot!
Re: What does Islam say?
Course she can :) Didn't Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) receive a proposal (via a third party) from Khadija.. This 'parents must choose' rubbish is cultural..
Islamically, she is supposed to conceal her sins.. Obviously, this is a bit controversial tho..
Re: What does Islam say?
Re: What does Islam say?
2.** Islamically, she is supposed to conceal her sins**.. Obviously, this is a bit controversial tho..
Deeba1234 can you plz give me any reference from Quran or Hadees of the bold part of your reply?
Re: What does Islam say?
Here u go:
'A wife or fiancée is not obliged to tell us what happened in the past that Allaah has concealed. Rather she must conceal herself, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid this filth that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever does any such thing, then let him conceal it with the concealment of Allaah.”(Narrated by al-Bayhaqi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663).
And Muslim (2590) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah does not conceal a person in this world but Allaah will conceal him on the Day of Resurrection.”
If her husband or fiancé persists in asking, then she may use a double entendre, such as saying: Nothing happened between me and that man – meaning that nothing happened today or yesterday, because she is enjoined to conceal it and there is no interest to be served in telling him. So it is prescribed for her to use a double entrendre, and in fact some scholars said that it is permissible to tell a lie in that case’
Re: What does Islam say?
**Should one confess or conceal one’s sin?
**Question: What should one do if one has sinned? Should he tell the ruler so that he may be punished for it or is it better to conceal it?
Answer: Confessing to the Ruler
**Sins are of two kinds: (1) those that only violate the rights of Allah, and (2) those that violate the rights of other people as well.
**
**Examples of sins that only violate the rights of Allah include having sex before marriage or drinking alcohol. It is obligatory to conceal such sins and not to tell anyone about them, not even the ruler.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever commits one of these reprehensible sins must conceal himself with Allah’s concealment, for verily, whoever exposes himself to us, we will punish.” (Hakim, Bayhaqi)**
Examples of sins that violate the rights of other people include, for example, murder and falsely accusing someone of adultery. Concealing such sins would constitute wrongdoing because the rights of other people will thereby continue to be violated. In order to ensure that the people one has wronged are able to get their rights, such sins need to be confessed to the ruler.
Talking about Sin
All of the above applies to confessing to the ruler. Outside of this context, talking about sins that one has committed in the past in jest or boldness (for example to one’s family or friends) is absolutely unlawful because of rigorously authenticated hadiths that have come about the matter.
Source: al-Zawajir `an Iqtiraf al-Kaba’ir, Enormity #355
(Adapted translation based on Shaykh Amjad’s answer)
Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=3&ID=9627&CATE=282
Re: What does Islam say?
1. Course she can :) Didn't Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) receive a proposal (via a third party) from Khadija.. This 'parents must choose' rubbish is cultural..
what if her parents have chosen someone else for her but she is interested in another guy? what should be har preference then?
but sometimes the girls is blackmailed emotionally or is convinced in a way that she agrees to marry a man she doesn't like or feels unfit for her otherwise. or for the sake of her parents dignity and respect she agrees. will the Nikah be valid in such situation?
Re: What does Islam say?
and thanks a lot Deeba:flowers:
Re: What does Islam say?
Yes Islam allows a woman to pick her hubby. I am not sure if there any conditions there. Just that he should be Muslim adult and that is it.
If a man doubt his wife's characters for no reason then islam allows the wife to leave the guy.
Re: What does Islam say?
Ur welcome 
She has the right to pick the guy she wants (Islamically it’s also her right but there are the obvious conditions.. is Muslim, of ‘good’ character etc).. Her parents don’t have the right to impose their choice on her and if the nikah is done against her will it is invalid.
In this case she really needs to make it clear she does not want the guy, going along with it and not really resisting or speaking out will mean she has ‘agreed’ (silence is taken as a ‘yes’ at the time of nikah).. For the nikah to not be valid she needs to make it clear she isn’t happy with the situation, say it is being done against her will or she has been coerced or emotionally blackmailed into it.. Easier said than done but she needs to tell her parents bluntly she does not want him..
Re: What does Islam say?
/religion-and-scripture/472226-what-does-islam-say.html
Re: What does Islam say?
This topic seems of a serious concern to someone , so i have to add contribute the knowledge I have. I intend to elaborate on points made by previous posters. Unfortunatly, This had to become lecture to fully address the matter at hand.
Firstly; one should be weary as regards to where they are sourcing islamic opinions or guidance from. Respectivily, understanding aswell as knowledge of hadiths or verses are required to be able to intrprete and guide properly from them. Adequate understanding is derived from learning under a scholar or qualified teacher of the subject at hand.
Some gupshup members could be a little more cautious in terms of thier advice not being nreliably refernaced or personally biased.
Secondly; Differance of opinion exists between scholars in the sunni sect. To elaborate, varying hadiths on a subject, is one contributant to the differing opinions amongst scholars on that subject.
For example, for men, in the 'Hanafi' school of thought, the position of the hands during prayer is required to be below the naval; whereas in the 'maliki' school of thought the hands are required to be above the naval.
Nevertheless, Both methods of prayer are right, because each of the scholars (Imam Hnafi, Imam Maliki) have derived thier rulings from the hadiths and reports that they found, according to thier reserach and methodology were more reliable than others.
Similarly, according to the notion of 'concealing ones sins' there is a differance of opinion. Relativly, All, scholars of the sunni fiqh agree that there is 'no one' solution or fix to the same problem for everyone, and that treatments vary depending on individual situations.
With respect to my opinion on 'concealing ones sins' regarding the marriage topic', i relate another scholalry opnion, and the one which i strngly belive is more appropriate and the one i belive is more logical to follow. so:
Regarding concealing ones sins; there is differance between concealing from someone and decieivng somone.
As stated by someone earlier; the sins that violate Allahs rights should be be concealed from people and for which private forgiveness should be sought. These sins for example, are; drinking, fornication, zina, etc.
However, my assertion, is that a sin or past should be concealed from the world and public as long as there is no problem from it to anybody else. But In the event that the past could become a problem or of importance in an event, particularly marriage, then it could be sensible to disclose it (indirectly) to avoid problems occuring later.
For example; in the case, two parties are discussing to marry. The girl here has a past. The boy does not inquire about her past or related aspects, therefore she is advised to keep it that way, in other words to conceal, and to enabl amarriage to proceed.
However, if in the same scenario; (where it should be understandeble that islamically people are islamically allowed if not encouraged to take all initiatives to satisfy themself that they are choosing for themself the compatible partner), if the boy expreses that to the girl that her past (whatver it maybe) is important to him, then or if he asks seriously about it, then concealing the past in this case, is not concealment but also deception. Deception in Islam is not allowed, infact it can be a sin.
The boy may have genuine reasons to know about her past or any other activities she indulges in. Furthermore his reasons may not only be generally acceptable reasons, but in terms of his personal prefernace, where Islam also encourages you to choose a spouse based on your personal compatibility.
Hiding or lieing to a party in this case can be attrubuted to deception, which in the bigger picture, as opposed to forming obstacles, can be somthing that could lead to problems- mainly for the female who is weaker by nature-if the marriage went ahead.
There are many examples nowadays; where women who have had pre-marital sex have married men other than thier bf, wheryby ther husbands to discover the truth only after the marriage has lead to serious problems including divorce.
One related issue could be that of s.t.ds. From the simple example of s.t.ds one can deduce that a past sin or activiti can continue to have its effects into the present and therefore can violate anothers right-and in this sense the sin or past can be attrubuted as one which comes into a catergory of violating anothers right.
Other such examples exist.
Furthermore, people, many a time-do respect Honesty. Sometimes , and it does happen, the respect given to another person of sincerely (ofcourse in the aprropriate manner) replying to something important to them, makes a beneficial impression of the person.
In terms of concealing sin AFTER MARRIAGE:
In terms of after marriage; concealment of ones sins, according to the scholar,.s whos opinion i support, is that whatver that has remained concealed until then should remain concealed. The spouse should have made his inquires and indicated things that are of importance for him to know of before the marriage. If he has not done this, then the other wife is should keep her sins concealed and seen as things of the past etc, unless an event or situation occurs that could make it important to disclose a matter.
In the case that of the scenario, that after marriage a husband may ask about his wifes past, the wife should aim to conceal her sins if she can, for reasons explained above, pertaining that these things should have been dealth with by the husband prior to marriage.
If in the case that the husband becomes adament about somthing about her past and it continues to be disturbing for him, and he cannot seem to be satisficed, then it is the discretion of the wife if or how and what to tell him.
To summarise on the subject of 'concealing ones sins', i would say that:
There is differance between 'concealing' and decieving'. Usually people do not mind if things are concealed from them, but people do mind if they have been decieved or lied to. By decieving, it is meant if one lies or hides things that are important to the opposite party, to make them entering into a contract that they othwerwise may not or would not want to.
Personal Opinions: I always say- Honesty is a virtue at times. A lot of people respect honesty.
Another personal opinion; To Girls- if you have had 'friendships' (not 'affairs') before, its not a major thing, but if a man bes honest about himself it makes sense being honest about yourself. On the other hand, a girl or boy not being clear if nquired about full out previous affairs, could pose a problem later.
tired...