Re: What do you women think about prenup??
How old is your friend? I might have rista suggestions for him.
Lol. You serious? He is 34.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Haha! @Dr Dre... Reminds me of our convo at coffee shop. Yaa i am considering that option too now..lol. Personally...i think it all comes down to trust. If ya do not trust your partner..whats the point of getting married. But i also think..there is nothing wrong with that. I do know..lots of chaps are putting this as pre-req nowadays..especially now that..divorce rate being so high. Gotta protect yourself and your assets first...
Bro!!. I agree with you about trust. But as i was telling you, you bought the house yourself AND if you as in YOU are taking care of your spouse financially and she is not contributing anything which is fine. At the event of divorce you shall have full right of the property. I see this is fair deal.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
You asked fir opinions from women and I just said how I feel. I would run a mile from any such guy. Seems mean spirited and lacking in trust.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Bro!!. I agree with you about trust. But as i was telling you, you bought the house yourself AND if you as in YOU are taking care of your spouse financially and she is not contributing anything which is fine. At the event of divorce you shall have full right of the property. I see this is fair deal.
Buddy..i am what i said..if ya don't trust your partner why bother getting married. Why begin relationship with dis-trust..and secondly..these are materialistic things. You make sure..and try your best to choose someone whom you can trust. But ya're friend would like to start his relationship with wrong foot. Education suppose to make ya humble. And if Allah has given him..just remember it is nothing but a test in this world. He was tested when he had nothing..but now that he has..it was suppose to make him more humble.
I guess..being in classroom for over 10 years doesn't teach ya all that eh. His experience was bad..i am sure he has been through so much. But is it really fair to treat other person like this..whom he intends to marry??.
Remember...we have come to this world in cloth..and we shall only have nothing but one piece of cloth. That is how life is!.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Interesting. So women who are working do not care. The two rishtay he rejected because they wanted to be housewives and SAHM. I guess he will have to look until he does find right fit.
Makes me wonder, guys i know looking for professional wives. Especially who are raised here.
He is still a liability because women in the workforce are affected by pregnancy. A friend of mine recently rejected a guy for this exact reason. She was making three times more than him but he was not willing to stay at home with the kids when the time came or do any house work so ultimately he wasn't worth the monetary loss she would face by settling for him. Also she was willing to share her assets and he wasn't. If your friend is willing to not have biological children with his wife then everything will be much more fair.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
You asked fir opinions from women and I just said how I feel. I would run a mile from any such guy. Seems mean spirited and lacking in trust.
I disagree, nowadays more and more marriages are ending in divorce. Why should either party be forced to give up money or property that they have worked hard to build for the sake of a marriage that's lasted a few years.
I would be tempted to suggest a pre-nup and I'm a woman. The laws in the West are extremely unfair to men in the event of a divorce.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
there's no problem with a pre-nup as long as it protects both sides equally.
why not sign it?
particularly when the culture promotes marriages between people/families that may not know much about each other to begin with.
it doesn't need to be seen as a lack of trust but a means of protection.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
I disagree, nowadays more and more marriages are ending in divorce. Why should either party be forced to give up money or property that they have worked hard to build for the sake of a marriage that's lasted a few years.
I would be tempted to suggest a pre-nup and I'm a woman. The laws in the West are extremely unfair to men in the event of a divorce.
Meh to each their own. If you come with this mindset to a marriage with this level of distrust y bother?
As said above women careers take a huge hit with pregnancy and kids while having not much affect on men. I wouldn't consider any guy who came with a proposal and this genious plan.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
He is still a liability because women in the workforce are affected by pregnancy. A friend of mine recently rejected a guy for this exact reason.** She was making three times more than him** but** he was not willing to stay at home with the kids when the time came or do any house work** so ultimately he wasn't worth the monetary loss she would face by settling for him.** Also she was willing to share her assets and he wasn't**. If your friend is willing to not have biological children with his wife then everything will be much more fair.
Your friend came across someone who wasn't compatible with her; their values were different and salaries were too wide apart for them to come to an agreement. That doesn't mean that there aren't couples out there who have prenups and agree on provisions that work for them AND have biological children.
Thanks to day-care and nannies, there isn't a need for either parent to give up their careers. If a man or women wants to be a stay-home parent, that is a personal choice and there is nothing wrong with it. But a person like this needs to find a partner who has the same values. Same for housework.....if a couple is making enough money where finances/assets are an issue and must be protected, they should be able to afford a maid.
Your friend decided that this guy wasn't worth the sacrifices she would need to make and she moved on. Their values/views on family life weren't compatible. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a guy out there who would agree to her terms OR a girl out there who would agree to his. It's just a matter of having patience and finding that right person.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Meh to each their own. If you come with this mindset to a marriage with this level of distrust y bother?
I don't plan on having a car accident every time I drive but I still carry car insurance. My husband and I don't plan on dying or becoming disabled anytime soon but we both still have life insurance and disability insurance. We don't plan on getting sick but we still carry health insurance (and thanks to that, I didn't have to pay a almost 100K surgery bill a few years ago).
Planning for the future and having a plan just-in-case something goes wrong doesn't mean distrust. But living life thinking that nothing bad is going to happen and thus, I'm not going to do everything possible to protect myself physically/emotionally/financially is naive.
Especially with someone in OP's friend's case who has already experienced divorce. I would get a negative impression of a man OR woman who already went through a divorce and still chose not to protect themselves financially during a subsequent marriage (assuming they have assets/high income to protect).
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Buddy..i am what i said..if ya don't trust your partner why bother getting married. Why begin relationship with dis-trust..and secondly..these are materialistic things. You make sure..and try your best to choose someone whom you can trust. But ya're friend would like to start his relationship with wrong foot. Education suppose to make ya humble. And if Allah has given him..just remember it is nothing but a test in this world. He was tested when he had nothing..but now that he has..it was suppose to make him more humble. I guess..being in classroom for over 10 years doesn't teach ya all that eh. His experience was bad..i am sure he has been through so much. But is it really fair to treat other person like this..whom he intends to marry??. Remember...we have come to this world in cloth..and we shall only have nothing but one piece of cloth. That is how life is!.
Totally agree with this.
The only exceptions I can think of are instances where there might be a family business or something monumental.
He can buy himself another house and car in this lifetime. Plus, these assets are actually meant to be shared with your wife and kids.
I don't know...I don't think its a good idea to be so attached to material things that are not that big of a deal to begin with. And again, if his assets are substantial...like family property and trusts and blah blah blah then I get it.
Also, I do believe if he goes ahead with this then he should give his wife haqq meher.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Meh to each their own. If you come with this mindset to a marriage with this level of distrust y bother?
As said above women careers take a huge hit with pregnancy and kids while having not much affect on men. I wouldn't consider any guy who came with a proposal and this genious plan.
Trust has NOTHING to do with it, you're not understanding why a prenup is being considered. It's to protect both parties if the marriage ends in a divorce.
Like I said the laws in the UK are extremely unfair towards men when it comes to divorce. They're obliged to even split their future pensions!! How is that even fair??
I have been working my whole life and I have money and property. If I end up marrying a guy who has money and a better job than (so we're on equal footing) me but just hasn't bought his own place why should I risk losing half of my place in the event of a divorce?
To be honest, women become vindictive when it comes to divorce, and fight for anything and everything they can get their hands on even if they don't morally deserve it, but cos the laws are stupid they can get it. I don't blame guys for wanting a prenup.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
correct me if I'm wrong but islamically doesn't a man owe a wife nothing but her mehr?
As a working woman I also wouldn't have a huge issue with a pre-nup. I'm not sure why a non working woman would either though, because you can still have a prenup which is somewhat fair to both parties. You don't have to be left with nothing but can definitely set some limits.
The OP's example has clearly already had a bad experience with a divorce so I can understand him trying to be cautious.
My uncle has actually been in a bad marriage for for 14 years and one of the main reasons he won't leave is because his wife has basically told him she would take him to the cleaners if he did. That and she'd also keep his kids. To some extent I think the laws can be unfair against men. I can understand there are scenarios where a woman gives up her whole life for a marriage and then gets left with nothing but there's definitely abuse in the opposite scenario too.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Trust has NOTHING to do with it, you're not understanding why a prenup is being considered. It's to protect both parties if the marriage ends in a divorce.
Like I said the laws in the UK are extremely unfair towards men when it comes to divorce. They're obliged to even split their future pensions!! How is that even fair??
I have been working my whole life and I have money and property. If I end up marrying a guy who has money and a better job than (so we're on equal footing) me but just hasn't bought his own place why should I risk losing half of my place in the event of a divorce?
To be honest, women become vindictive when it comes to divorce, and fight for anything and everything they can get their hands on even if they don't morally deserve it, but cos the laws are stupid they can get it. I don't blame guys for wanting a prenup.
As I said before that is my opinion and that is what I would do and advise girls I know to do. You are entitled to your own views and opinions.
OP asked for opinions and if he only wanted to hear his own and one sided views he wouodne have posted on an open forum.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Aliyahali, firstly both men and women can become vindinctive during divorce.. what isn't fair is singling out women in particular..
Secondly, the reason women are seen as being 'given' more (inc pensions in some cases) in the West is because they tend to be the ones who are looking after the children (and may have given up their career for their family).. If sufficient provisions were not made for women and children divorce would not be possible for many (as happens more in our culture) or they would be left struggling severely.. Having said that husbands should not have to pay beyond what they can afford imo.. They BOTH created children and they should both be contributing to their upbringing..
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Excellent points discussed. I think you should get prenup if you inherit property from parents. That is, future spouse then cannot claim this as hers.
Something to think about. I was just talking to him yesterday at our break. He told me, it is not that he is going into marriage with wrong intention. Prenup is for his peace of mind. Told me, some girls and their parents think of it as "threat". Like very negative point. Mind you he has proposals from girls but he is very careful now.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Buddy..i am what i said..if ya don't trust your partner why bother getting married. Why begin relationship with dis-trust..and secondly..these are materialistic things. You make sure..and try your best to choose someone whom you can trust. But ya're friend would like to start his relationship with wrong foot. Education suppose to make ya humble. And if Allah has given him..just remember it is nothing but a test in this world. He was tested when he had nothing..but now that he has..it was suppose to make him more humble. I guess..being in classroom for over 10 years doesn't teach ya all that eh. His experience was bad..i am sure he has been through so much. But is it really fair to treat other person like this..whom he intends to marry??. Remember...we have come to this world in cloth..and we shall only have nothing but one piece of cloth. That is how life is!.
Fawad bro. Trust has nothing to do with this. Wont you secure yourself at any misfortune? I mean to protect yourself?
On a personal note, i think you should bro, lol. I am just saying as your friend.
P.S. Poker night at my place this friday. Everyone getting together. :D
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
correct me if I'm wrong but islamically doesn't a man owe a wife nothing but her mehr?
As a working woman I also wouldn't have a huge issue with a pre-nup. I'm not sure why a non working woman would either though, because you can still have a prenup which is somewhat fair to both parties. You don't have to be left with nothing but can definitely set some limits.
The OP's example has clearly already had a bad experience with a divorce so I can understand him trying to be cautious.
My uncle has actually been in a bad marriage for for 14 years and one of the main reasons he won't leave is because his wife has basically told him she would take him to the cleaners if he did. That and she'd also keep his kids. To some extent I think the laws can be unfair against men. I can understand there are scenarios where a woman gives up her whole life for a marriage and then gets left with nothing but there's definitely abuse in the opposite scenario too.
good points made above.
I find it hard to believe though, that Islam would encourage or support leaving a woman who has given up her entire life for marriage/family with nothing but a token mehr.
There's got to be more in Islam that I'm missing here.
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
Fawad bro. Trust has nothing to do with this. Wont you secure yourself at any misfortune? I mean to protect yourself? On a personal note, i think you should bro, lol. I am just saying as your friend.
P.S. Poker night at my place this friday. Everyone getting together. :D
It's so nice to see how well you and XTron get along......
Re: What do you women think about prenup??
good points made above.
I find it hard to believe though, that Islam would encourage or support leaving a woman who has given up her entire life for marriage/family with nothing but a token mehr. There's got to be more in Islam that I'm missing here.
and I don't know if that is necessarily the case, but from my limited knowledge, I have always heard that after divorce all a woman is owed is her mehr, the children do need to be supported if they are still living with the mother, and I have also seen it in practise. If this is not in fact the case, I'd love to learn more.