Re: What do you women think about prenup??
i married a professional man and we only had a nikah. Im in the UK left my relatively good job to be with him miles away (obviously big salary differences) but I wanted to raise my kids myself and then restart my career. Initially I did want to delay the wedding as I wanted to work, build up my career and have savings before j had children but his family wanted us married within a few months and my family agreed, as they do. He was older than me already established etc but I was just starting out. He was totally ok with me staying at home.
However, I realised when I was pregnant I needed to be financially secure, it was the first time I thought omg what if something were to happen how would I take care of this kid and my heart could not leave this baby with babysitter so I go out to put food on table. I spoke to my husband about registering our marriage or do a prenup so i only get select assets. He was worried about me stealing all his wealth that his family would be entitled to islamically. He flatly refused both and said I was after his money. Our marriage hasn’t been the same since.
He was divorced before and even though he only had nikah with her too i think he’s just really worried about Losing it especially as our own relationship was quite rocky (that’s a different thread lol) so I understood his reluctance to secure me at the start, I would be the same he hardly knew me but my feelings totally changed when I was due to give birth, for the first time in my life I felt really vulnerable if God forbid something happens to him I will have no claim on anything. This is fine when u don’t have kids, there’s no excuse to want someone’s money when you have no kids you’re able to work, but it’s heart wrenching when u have a kid with someone and they think you’re not entitled to things. I had a terrible pregnancy and developed permanent post natal complications but I am worth only an 8th as that is what islamically allowed for a wife. I can’t really argue as that is Islam but I wish I had asked for a hefty Mahr, I asked for a token amount as did my parents. and also Islam law is not practised in this country, I do not automatically inherit from my dad or my brother and my child is not obliged to take care of me. My child could fall out with me, take the house and id be homeless. That’s where I think in the UK Islamic marriages are great for the man but not good for women.
Therefore I’m getting my career back on track despite me wanting to have more children but I’m too worried about finances should something happen. I know Allah provides but I don’t want to give someone children when I could be made homeless within a flash. My career has taken a set back because of leaving my job because of relocating and then raising a child. A nanny would’ve cost more. But that doesn’t matter to him.
It’s better for two people to be on the similar salary then nobody can be suspicious and over protective over their wealth. That’s the advice I can give. I wish I had thought about these things before marriage but I was very naive. i think once kids come along the person with money needs to think carefully about the trust the vulnerable party is putting in them.
You made your decision to raise your kids a certain way and that requires your undivided attention 24/7. LOTS of people leave their kids at daycare or with babysitters. This is no excuse to quit your career UNLESS you have somebody who is willing to support you and your children. Your decision to be a SAHM came before your husband declined to sign prenup agreement. This isn’t his fault. You willingly gave up your career BECAUSE of what YOU wanted. You are right. For this prenup thing to work, both must have similar mindset, wealth, and goals in life.
Kids are no excuse to quit a career you busted your behind for! You can be an amazing mother while working and moving ahead in your career. Yes, it’s difficult but at least you won’t have to depend on anyone for yourself or your child. I would hate to be in that position. Good decision on your part to get back on track!