What do you suggest i do?

[funky_nails]

well ive told her that , but she gets angry that why my mother is behaving like this, and talks. last time i talked to her i told her not to talk and she has not yet talked..

my dad is never home, since our business failed he has been busy with office work. in the start he never really complained but felt bad why they didnt meet much regardless of my dads efforts. he called my FIL 2-3 times but then stopped calling. my mother told him that they are not social so he got ok with it and never said anything.. although my fiance calls him and meets him so he is happy but whenever my fiance calls him my mom tells my dad that ayesha told him to call.. i wonder why.

i dont know if you can help the situation get better, but i think this is all because ur inlaws (probably ur MIL) does not show much effort to stay in touch which actually a lil weird (whats d frequency??)... That might change when ur get married and have more 'power' to tell ur MIL to keep in touch, if thats what you want. But on the other hand the distance is fine too. This is what ticks ur mom off so much.
I think ur inlaws should try keeping in touch and u said ur mom didnt want to go to their home?? but she did go to ur sisters inlaws?? Its about how much theyre giving... it comes from both sides, u cant help it i guess.

But still ur mom shouldnt act like this, its not mature.

Theres not much more to do ro say i think..

[crazyfool]

Re: What do you suggest i do?

well yes i know my mil isn't making effort, how do i make both the parties meet? I told my fiancee to tell his mother but he doesn't know what to say as he's still studying. Hmmm i don't know why my mom didn't wanna go, whenever we go its very good and they make alot of things for us.. But from what i've noticed that my mother and my mil are both too quiet.. They both never go to anyones house and have much topics. Thats why i thought they'd become friends but its opposite.
It is not that my in laws don't meet us they don't meet their best friends even. I want to tell my in laws somehow that in such relationship meeting is important? How do i tell her or show? I dont want to sound rude but i really want things solved and only i can do this.

[Ma_Mooli]

I think this issue is not relevant to your MIL at all, there is a deeper issue here, and that is you're mum's obvious favoritism towards you're sister. I dont think you're MIL really comes into it, regardless of what she does to impress you're mum caue even if she 'outdoes' your sister's MIL, your mum has already made up her mind.

So instead of wasting your time trying to chang your MIL, and worrying your fiance, focus on your issues with your mother. You will most likely make things worse, should your inlaws react badly, and turn on you or your mum.

look at your comments:

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my mother never says such stuff to my little sister, although she never works, im all the time cleaning her mess and all. i feel like such a loser because im always caring and fixing everyones image but why cant someone else do that for me??
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How is this related to your in laws? It goes beyond your inlaws, and probably existed way before they came in to the picture.

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you are so right, i really do feel like saying that they did this and this for me too but i dont
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can i ask why you dont? There's no point complaining if you're not gonna make your views known, your playing the martyr here unnecessarily. whats the point of a family, if you cant make you're feelings known?

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my elder sister cant do much except talking to my mother about it. she has done this talk 2-3 times before and my mom usually get pissed at me for talkin to her and turning her against my little sister.
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keep your sister involved, if you mum doesnt listen to your views, atleast you have someone to vent to, support you against your mum/sis behaviour. your mum knows she is wrong, that's why shes taking it out on the weaker person: you.

your khala being the objective one here I'd trust her views rather than your mums. confide in her to speak to your mum, confide in your dad, the more you do it, the more your mum will realize she is not doing right by you.

remember; this is not about your inlaws, this about putting you down!! your mum and sister seem to be ganging up on you for whatever reason, and I think it could be jealousy as your sis recognizes your inlaws are better, and so has to project otherwise at every opportunity for her own ego!

But you are lucky in that your inlaws seem genuine, what you see now is what you most likely get afterward. With your sis in laws, how long will they be able to keep up the gifts and what not and only then will you guys see the real them...wether thats good or bad, is a risk your family is taking...

[crazyfool]

Re: What do you suggest i do?

Ma mooli: Well, you have valid points. i've always been the weaker person. probably because too many people bullied me in school and i never really stood up for myself. my teacher used to beat me up and i always sucked in studies but then i changed schools and got straight a's but i think it was too late for me to be confident.

well i have tried to give my view but when i do my mom says im being too defensive abt my inlaws and i love them too much blah blah. my sister has a way of talking, she does her MIL;s buraye too and its fine. sometimes my mom and lil sister make fun of her MIL about how she does her own tareefein.. but there is such friendliness in it that no one minds it and plus all the good things said make up for it.

but when my mom talks abt mine, they are like serious concerns. what if they run away? what if she they think we are low and dont meet us? of course its not a joke. so if i ever complain that you talk like that she says that my lil sister doesnt mind talkin and joking but i do.. they two isssues discussed are totally different now, arent they?

maybe my mothers attutide with me is different because once i liked a guy and he turned out to be a fraud and his family teased us alot. my mother was very tesned in those days and blames me for it even though its been 4 yrs. she fails to realise that i was the most hurt when his reality came out. i knew him and he was the fraud..

i think situation wouldve been much better if my MIL just met my mother more often, atleast the few points my mom finds would be gone. i know everyone has different relationship with everyone.. but atleast she shud be good with mine. she doesnt count my in laws in anything. like they just dont exist. i have seen at alot of places that the boys dont invite much so the girls keep on inviting, atleast try it 2-3 times. but for my parents its GIVE AND TAKE.
she tells me everyday its give and take. i know life is give and take but how can i control something thats not in my control?