One of my best friends is getting divorced after 10 years of marriage. Our families were pretty close and she has been a real decent friend to me. They were our first neighbors when we came to the US and we were pretty thrilled to have some compatriots nearby.They had moved to the US 10 months before we did and our families grew close. They have 2 boys 8 and 5 years of age. I thought I knew both the husband and wife quite well, but was I wrong!
My friend’s dad passed away 6 months ago from lung cancer and she was very depressed because she was extremely close to him. I tried to be there for her since she was in very bad place and told her to see a counselor to help cope with here grief. Her mother died in an accident when she was in college so she is pretty much without parental support of any kind now although she has a younger sister(married) who lives in India . Suddenly out of the blue, last month, she calls me and cries and says that her husband is insisting on a divorce. She told me that she had been moody since her father’s death and was not in a mood for sex. Her husband instead of helping her cope and get back on her feet, started lying to their mutual relatives in India that she is being suddenly abusive to the kids and that she is having an affair with a co worker. Atleast as far as I know, I can confidently say that the affair allegation is not true. We work in the same company though diff depts. She has also been a very good mom whenever I have been around. Anyways , I was telling her to see a marriage counselor and to talk to a good lawyer and stuff like being careful about fighting in front of the kids . She got an appointment with a marriage counselor who wanted to see both the husband and wife. When she asked her husband if he was open to the idea of seeing the counselor, he got pissed and he tells my husband that I was interfering in their life and that my husband had to control me. The only thing I did was advice counseling. Was I wrong to say that ? Hubby got pretty upset and told me to avoid both of them cos he did not want this guy bad-mouthing me to other people if I continued talking to my friend. I understand hubby’s concerns and my husband is not blaming me or anything. This guy has done the same thing to her other friends and now she is pretty much isolated.
This man was not religious at all and suddenly he has found religion. Most of the desi family of his religion are conservative and have bought his cheap lies and are giving my friend a cold shoulder. A few “well meaning” women even told my friend to adjust to her husband. My husband also told me not to interfere since they belong to a diff religion than us and he did not want any problems. Hubby told me that it was OK to talk and not ignore her but not to get involved in her life problems. Of course, it was his opinion and he told me that following his advise was up to me. What ever I did , he would support me.
What do I do ? How do I deal with this ? Any advice ?