What could have happened?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

This happened to a member of my extended family and I just want to know what you all think.

This guy wanted to marry his cousin for quite a long time. Their rishta was finalized when they were young, probably in their early teens–on his insistence. (they’re about 2-3 years apart).

He got married at the age of 25 and was extremely happy and all.

Four months later we found out that the wife (who was 2-3 months pregnant at the time) was extremely unhappy with him and wanted to break up.

No one really knew what the real reasons were…we just knew she didnt’ like him and he was heartbroken. There were speculations that maybe she had someone else on the side and wanted to be with him (there were a few women in her family who left their husbands for more wealthy men…so the reasoning was that they were encouraging her to do the same). A few from her side said that the guy’s financial status wasn’t up to their standards.

Since the families had been so close for so many years, its hard to believe that they were genuinely shocked at the guy’s family’s financial status…because although they were better off compared to most of the other family membesr, they never lied or faked about it. Everything was in plain sight.

We knew that the MIL would encourage them to go out alone but she would never want to go out…all of the stuff she had brought as jahez, was still packed in their original boxes, she hadn’t set up her home at all (the guys parents had just recently built an upper portion of the house for them, that included a bedroom/bathroom/storage/ and living room).

She would come for one or two days and then ask to be taken back home…it went on like this for a few weeks, until it was finally decided that they would remain seperate for the duration of her pregnancy…and then they would make a decision…
for a long time it looked as if it would most definitely lead to divorce…

Eventually she gave birth to a baby boy and she eventually came back home. To hear everyone else say it, they are so very happy together…so much so that it seems like that first year of marriage (with all hte problems and heartache) never even happened…that’s how happy they look.

now, I’m really happy that things worked out for them… but I just have a hard time believing, if things were so bad…how did they suddenly become so “right”?

2

Re: What could have happened?

^ Maybe they didn't recognize a good thing for what it was until they almost lost it.

Any relationship requires all parties to have a positive attitude and to make an effort, if either or both is negative about the relationship or makes no effort, the relationship will just muddle along until someone ends it.

3

Re: What could have happened?

hormone issues during pregnancy?

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Re: What could have happened?

I don't know...would this be an extreme case of being hormonal during pregnancy?

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Re: What could have happened?

What about HER? Back when they were kids/teenagers, did she want to marry him just as much as he wanted to marry her? How "insistant" was SHE about the rishta?

There could be several explanation for her behavior:
1) Pregnancy hormonoes

2) Since she got pregnant right after marriage, perhaps she felt overwhelemed. Marriage already changed her entire life...and then the pregnancy...perhaps for got scared and freaked out.

3) Perhaps she realized after marriage that she's not compatible with the guy....and her being pregnancy....she felt trapped. And once the baby was born....she decided to "suck it up" for the baby. Perhaps these days she's happy b/c mentally, she has devoted herself entirely to the happiness to her son.

4) Just b/c a couple "looks happy".....doesn't necessarily mean they are. Looks can be very deceiving. I know MANY couples who seem like the "perfect" family on the outside.....yet behind closed doors, their relationship is a complete nightmare. It could be that the wife really had a change of heart and is truly happy in her marriage.........OR she may have other motives for staying in the marriage despite not being happy (example: the baby).

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Re: What could have happened?

And what makes you so curious - cant you just be happy for them :)

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Re: What could have happened?

Yep , I wanted to say that.

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Re: What could have happened?

I think sometimes people look back at their actions and realize they were wrong.

Its never too late to fix things and its never too late to save a marriage.

Just be happy for them and be as supportive as possible.

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Re: What could have happened?

What about HER? Back when they were kids/teenagers, did she want to marry him just as much as he wanted to marry her? How "insistant" was SHE about the rishta?**
Well I'm guessing she went along with it....but even if it was a matter of letting everyone else decide for her...she could have very well said no before the wedding..because afterwards it was her family pushing her to get a divorce**

2) Since she got pregnant right after marriage, perhaps she felt overwhelemed. Marriage already changed her entire life...and then the pregnancy...perhaps for got scared and freaked out.

3) Perhaps she realized after marriage that she's not compatible with the guy....and her being pregnancy....she felt trapped. And once the baby was born....she decided to "suck it up" for the baby. Perhaps these days she's happy b/c mentally, she has devoted herself entirely to the happiness to her son.
**
You know, this is what scares me about most marriages....most typical desi marriages that are arranged, the girl ends up pregnant within months of her wedding...do they ever feel like this? Nobody I know ever wants to say that they felt something negative...**

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Re: What could have happened?

guess someone should read properly before making comments?

I didn't know questioning/curiosity is equivalent to being unhappy.

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Re: What could have happened?

.

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Re: What could have happened?

Still, all is said and done and in the past right? So A. there's nothing to be gained out of delving into their past unless you're doing a paper on divorce factors in cousin marriages and B. how is anyone on here supposed to know?