broken1
November 8, 2012, 6:30am
19
Re: What could be reason for sudden change in behaviour…
Broken: I think you’re wasting waaay too much time and energy over-analyzing this. I promise this is not that complicated.
The very first thing you need to decide is whether or you want to pursue a rishta with this guy. You don’t want to date him…fair enough. But based on what you know so far, are you willing to seriously consider this guy as your future husband? Do you have serious “feelings” for him?
If the answer is “no” to the above questions, then tell him that you don’t want to continue this friendship and don’t have feelings for him. The end. No need to deal with all this drama with someone who you only see as a casual friend.
If the answer is “yes”, then tell him firmly that if he’s serious about not losing you, then he needs to send a rishta through his parents. If you don’t want to date him, then do NOT budge on this! He MUST send his parents to your parents if he wants to continue this. And if he feels that he can not do that without meeting with you in person multiple times etc. etc. etc…then you know that you’re wasting your time, and need to move on.
Until your family gets a official rishta from his family, everything he says is suspect. There is no other way to know for sure whether or not he’s serious about you or has another fiance lined up already.
Involving parents would be a totally different story as his thoughts were not even near to this thing, as of involving parents. According to him, he wants to meet a girl and be in relationship with her where he could meet her frequently and decide later on if suitable for marriage or not.
Hmm. So, he desires a relationship with you but doesn’t want to drag you into his life’s messes. YET…he is okay with dragging ANOTHER girl into his mess. Did it not occur to him (and you) that if he married the girl chosen by his mom…she’d still have to deal with with his messes/issues, whatever they might be? He basically made a contradiction and provided you with a really lame reason.
He’s making you feel guilty for not meeting him…but again…a few meetings with you are not going to resolve the messes in his life and this is the reason he is citing for being unable to make a commitment. That said maybe he shouldn’t have said he loved you. Again I see his behavior as a contradiction, and he doesn’t realize this.
As for you, Broken…why are you now so upset about him letting you go when you wanted to avoid a relationship in the first place? You’re making contradictions as well. If you were to go the arranged marriage route, you’d still have to meet the guy in person. Why are you afraid of meeting? Is it that you don’t trust yourself? A meeting can result in you both maintaining the relationship and eventually getting families involved, or it may result in you deciding he is not the one for you. But based on your post, it doesn’t seem he is ready for a relationship/commitment anyway.
Right now…you both seem confused as you both are making contradictions…and u both need to sort yourselves out. You are confused and I don’t get the best feeling from him either.
You’re right! any other girl who would come into his life, she would have to deal with his messes/issues as well but i just forgot to question that to him, lol!
The reason i asked him to swear was just to know if he was just playing around or was seriously in a mess. and if he was telling lies, then why did he swear.. that’s what iam confused about…