Am i the only one who thinks it is the man's responsibility? Seriously if she my wife, her problems are my problems.
no way. trolling or what?
Everyone makes a good point...however..... if the husband promised to take care of the bills but then goes back on that promise..then what? is she still at fault here?
also, she DID move away from her home/job, to be with him. I imagine it's not a case of "I want to stay home and do nothing while you pay for my shopping bills! Wah!" kind of situation.
^ I think she should have thought of it before hand, before increasing the bills before the marriage. I am not sure since the OP didnt tell us much, but looks like she is looking for a pretext pretty much, which is sad. If in any way she is willing to work and husband isnt letting her, fine he should pay. No one, belonging from north america or what, should act like a lazy bum and expect from others (it be the spouse or the siblings) to pay off their bills and debts. After marriage is something else ofcourse, because then wife automatically becomes a responsibility of her husband, according to our religion. But even ethics do not allow one to put your burden on the shoulders of your spouse when you were not thoughtful about how you will pay the bills afterwards.
We are just discussing the situations having these two analogies in front of us. There are other factors that matter too, like how is the husband wife relationship. If they are doing well, I do not see any reason the husband should nt pay off his wife's bills anyway. Every husband would, and they do. But to make is sound like an obligation, sounds a little tacky to me.
My issue isn't who should pay, but didn't they discuss her ability to pay for the loans before they got married? They should have agreed before the wedding how the loan was to be paid - maybe deferring the wedding a few years so she could save up and pay it off, or them living in a location where she was able to continue working to pay the loan.
Now that they're married, if he's unwilling to help her, him being unwilling to also give her the means to pay it off is also a hindrance.
^ I think she should have thought of it before hand, before increasing the bills before the marriage.
Do you really think most girls just run up huge credit card bills for shopping right before hte wedding explecting the husband to pay it off?
Some debts come from student loans....and not everyone plans or think that they're going to get married and move to another country/state, or wouldn't be able to work after marriage.
I may be mistaken, but I doubt that this is the situation here.....
^ I think she should have thought of it before hand, before increasing the bills before the marriage. I am not sure since the OP didnt tell us much, but looks like she is looking for a pretext pretty much, which is sad. If in any way she is willing to work and husband isnt letting her, fine he should pay. No one, belonging from north america or what, should act like a lazy bum and expect from others (it be the spouse or the siblings) to pay off their bills and debts. After marriage is something else ofcourse, because then wife automatically becomes a responsibility of her husband, according to our religion. But even ethics do not allow one to put your burden on the shoulders of your spouse when you were not thoughtful about how you will pay the bills afterwards.
We are just discussing the situations having these two analogies in front of us. There are other factors that matter too, like how is the husband wife relationship. If they are doing well, I do not see any reason the husband should nt pay off his wife's bills anyway. Every husband would, and they do. But to make is sound like an obligation, sounds a little tacky to me.
You made way too many assumptions in your post mirage. :/ For all we know it could be student loans and not random bills she decided to keep for her husband to pay. Student loans are big and take a long time to pay off. I agree with Sehrysh it should have been discussed before.
Do you really think most girls just run up huge credit card bills for shopping right before hte wedding explecting the husband to pay it off?
Some debts come from student loans....and not everyone plans or think that they're going to get married and move to another country/state, or wouldn't be able to work after marriage.
I may be mistaken, but I doubt that this is the situation here.....
Well it could be anything. OP didnt go into any detail. And "bills" is something which quite specifies the sphere. Could have said loan or fee, if it were study loans or whatever. In any case, I think i failed to understand what OP meant. You people got it better. She presented two scenarios and I said what I felt honestly.
You made way too many assumptions in your post mirage. :/ For all we know it could be student loans and not random bills she decided to keep for her husband to pay. Student loans are big and take a long time to pay off. I agree with Sehrysh it should have been discussed before.
Everyone makes a good point...however..... if the husband promised to take care of the bills but then goes back on that promise..then what? is she still at fault here?
also, she DID move away from her home/job, to be with him. I imagine it's not a case of "I want to stay home and do nothing while you pay for my shopping bills! Wah!" kind of situation.
Nope not at all. When I marry my wife all her problems and liabilities are my liabilities. Just because they came before we met does not mean they are not mine to support and solve.
I am extremely confused and startled by all this focus on her doing it herself. That is pretty retarded if you ask me.
okay, let me clear up some things to stop the speculation..
the bills are from education loans- there was no "promise" per se from husband that he would pay, but he knew that his wife wouldn't be able to work after she moved to the country where he was
okay, let me clear up some things to stop the speculation..
the bills are from education loans- there was no "promise" per se from husband that he would pay, but he knew that his wife wouldn't be able to work after she moved to the country where he was
Where are you from and where did you move? I think that would help everyone gauge the situation correctly.
okay, let me clear up some things to stop the speculation..
the bills are from education loans- there was no "promise" per se from husband that he would pay, but he knew that his wife wouldn't be able to work after she moved to the country where he was
^ I was thinking that too. If I couldn't work, my parents would kindly offer to pay off education debt when I'm married. They wouldn't want my husband to be worried about it, since it did happen before marriage.
But I do believe that the husband should pay it off if the wife left her job/life just for him and if he has the financial resources to do so as well.
not all parents have the financial ability to do so. i'm sure that if they could, she wouldn't have had to take the loans in the first place. once she is married these issues are between her and her husband. i wouldn't want to drag in my parents (unless they were super well off and capable at that old age). an education loan is not frivolous spending and the circumstance is such, that she cannot pay for them currently. if the husband is capable of paying these debts, then why shouldn't he. Personally, once married, this becomes a joint issue and both husband and wife need to strategize and plan to figure it out. that can include steps for her to make some income. as said above whats his is hers, and hers is his.
My issue isn't who should pay, but didn't they discuss her ability to pay for the loans before they got married? They should have agreed before the wedding how the loan was to be paid - maybe deferring the wedding a few years so she could save up and pay it off, or them living in a location where she was able to continue working to pay the loan.
Now that they're married, if he's unwilling to help her, him being unwilling to also give her the means to pay it off is also a hindrance.
People hide debt all the time. It only comes out when couples apply for a mortgage .... and then ooops, one of them has a lien registered against them.
If he has the means, he should help her ... especially since she cannot work in the country where he lives.
I'm also assuming his spending isn't just limited to his parents?
Willow, I agree with you. I never thought of it like that. My parents aren't that well off, but they're so cute because they say "if your husband has an issue to pay off your student loans, we will". I don't really know how they plan to, but that's the promise they have made.
But I understand what you're saying. Especially if a husband is well off financially, it's not right for him to not offer to pay off his wife's loan and vice versa. And well, if she married him and as a result lost her source of income, there's even greater need for them to strategically devise a plan to get her out of debt. True.
