to allay my wife’s trepidation with moving over to Canada from Pakistan?
She has been hinting at her hesitation for around 2 weeks now but it was only until yesterday that it was brought to the forefront.
She has never left Pakistan and accordingly she would be nervous about the whole affair with having to move and adjust to a completely new environment.
Having never been through the experience myself, all I could say was that hundreds of people do it (my sister moved to pakistan - after living her whole life in Canada - when she got married) and that the day she fears is still 2 years away. I gave the example of my own mother’s case where she went through the same thing but never had the luxury of mulling over it for an extended period. I also told her that after I get my I really have no desire to stay in Canada long-term and that after getting my P.Engg I would like to go over to Europe, the Middle East, or Malaysia.
But then she gets stuck on “your mother never made it back for your grandfather’s funeral a few months back because of the distance”, to which I have no real answer and end up just getting frustrated.
I understand what she is getting at (being so far away that you can’t see your family regularly) but I don’t see why it should be stressing her out as of now.
It is bothering me that I can’t really help her and given that I am under a lot of pressure (last year of engineering), it just adds to the already big burden of stress I have right now.
Hammurabi's the name of a male historical figure. He was a king.
Hmm, I guess you can try to calm her down by suggesting that she can visit family every few months, talk to them via phone/Internet etc. How do you feel about discussing the issue with her parents..if you have strong rapport with them? Maybe tell them that you feel concerned for her...u don't want her to be uspet...and that you'd like their help in calming her fears? You think it would work or backfire?
Its just fear of unknown . Let her experience it for sometime and she'll get use to it . Just make sure she get some desi interaction while in Canada .
Nobody likes chance specially a big change.
Start with small steps
May be ask her to come for a couple of months and decide if she wants to live in Canada for the rest of your education. If she does not give her an alternative of visiting family often. Like she spends a few months with you then goes back to Pakistan and soon she will not want to go visit Pakistan without you being with her. It happens specially when you are newly married.
She will need a lot of support from you during this time. She is venturing out into a world she has no idea about and you're quite literally the only person she can really rely on. So don't get frustrated because that will scare her more.
Always reassure her that she can go back as often as she likes, no restrictions.
Nothing you say will make it go away...at least not right now. You're married to her now...her fears and issues are also your issues now.