What can be a possible solution?

[Helpp]

Re: What can be a possible solution?

@redvelvet

1. Talk to your mom. Start it off by telling her that you love her very much and that you appreciate all the hard work and sacrifices she made in raising you, especially as a single parent…and that you can never repay her…that you believe that she has raised you to be able to discuss anything with her without hesitation and that you believe there should be strong communication b/w mother and daughter. Then tell her that you’d like to discuss this rishta because it’s a life-altering decision and that you have some questions.

^Once you start in a positive way (instead of a defensive one) she may be more open to listening to you.

Done this already, the mother starts yelling or crying saying she has no other option.

2. Bring up your concerns (the lack of eduction, no job, difficulty adjusting etc.) And listen to what she says. Even if she defends your cousin and the rishta at first…at least you’ve planted the valid concerns in her mind.

She says its not an issue. He will ‘finish his education and get a job here somehow like everyone else does’.

3. Have you met your cousin? If not, then perhaps your opinion of him might change after interacting with him in person. If you have met him and are still not attracted to him…or…if you just don’t want to marry a cousin cuz of the ick factor…you need to be frank with your mom and let her know that you’re just not attracted to him. Explain to her the consequences of marrying someone you’re not interested in. Tell her that it won’t be fair to your cousin…as he deserves someone who actually wants to marry him…tell her that you won’t be able to fulfill marital rights/responsibilities when you’re feeling resentment. Your mom may (and probably will) get mad…but once again…you’ve planted these possibilities in her mind…she’ll have to think about these consequences. Sometimes I think it helps to be very frank and let the other person (in this case your mother) know that you’re aware of the games. IN other words…let her know that you recognize the blackmailing. If she goes on and on about how much she’s done for you…tell her again that you appreciate it and love her …but ask her “Did you raise me because you love me unconditionally? Or did you raise me only so that I can meet a condition?” Giver her some food for thought. If speaking doesn’t work…consider writing a letter to her.

Yup
The guy looks good and has good morals, but thats all there is to him. Education has no value in the mother’s eyes so she’s not ready to listen to this excuse. The mother thinks since the girl is studying she can take care of everything herself.

4. If you’re absolutely sure you don’t like him and want to marry him (after having met him)…and if your mom can’t be reasoned with…then I say talk to your cousin. Tell him directly that you don’t want to marry him. If he has any respect for you and for himself…he won’t go through with it. You say that he’s unemployed and considering how things are in Pakistan…there’s a chance he may not give up if he’s keen on settling abroad. Try talking to your phuppo…or a an elder relative with some influence who can reason with your mom. You can’t worry about hurting your phuppo’s feelings…as going through a marriage that you’re not into…will do more damage to both families in the long run. This is one of those issues where you have go through one step after another, try one strategy after another (from mild to more aggressive), and be persistent, and stand your ground. Prayer…and performing istikhara (don’t look for signs in dreams please)…and making dua can bring some peace.

Done everything…no solution.