Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Oh yes yes indeed, maya's also called kalaf. I was thinking that there's another name for it.
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Hmmm... kaf lam fay... Is kalaf English word?
Don't know which language, but its commonly used.
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Jolie… Kalaf walay kapray mardon par hi achay lagatay hian… 
English word is starch. Kalaf, I think is Urdu/Hindi word
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Hmmm... kaf lam fay... Is kalaf English word?
its Arrowroot (kind of starch), applied on fabric to give stiff feel...
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
In our nanihaal, efforts for long hair in ladies is followed with zeal todate. They use henna, amla, reetha for this purpose. One of there small room (we called kothi) always smelled sarson ka tail.
I actually really appreciate how seriously hair care is taken in our culture (or in Pakistan). It's much more than just another ritual of female beautification. No doubt, in many ways, hair care is nothing less than a therapy and a perfect female bonding experience, mainly between mother and daughter.
Didn't grow up with too many rules but these some things were unsaid.
My taya tayi were the authority. The younger siblings gave them the respect and consulted them for almost everything and still do. My taya tayi never abused that power and they always gave the younger siblings the merzi to do whatever they please.
I grew up with milaads and qurankhwanis and the best part was koonday. I have a separate opinion about them but I don't mind attending them.
My dadi lived with my taya tayi so weekends were spent at their place.
My dadi put kohl in my eyes as a baby and so on. I can't live without kajal in my eyes.
We literally were not allowed to play under tree past maghrib.
Long hair is preferred so when the ladies chopped their hair off and they did often we did it from taya simply out of respect and dadi out of fear. She never yelled. She mumbled!!!
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Oh there's one more interesting one:
- 'Ladies' of the house do not dance in front of outsiders to provide 'entertainment'. At least in this generation, you would never see girls doing choreographed dance on Bollywood songs in front of 500 guests. Never. Of course, our weddings are always a blast, we do sing our tappays and do our bhaghra and gidda dance, but that's strictly a family affair, and when the entire family gets together, there really isn't any room to squeez in any outside people.
It's funny that 'religion' really isn't even an excuse or a reason for the above rule. It's just an old school feudalistic mindset.
Well I'm still against it and I'm not that old either. :)
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
When I was a kid I was told to come before maghrib but it's not a hard and fast rule.
Say Salam to everybody first thing taught.
Wherever you go just let your family know.
Don't hang out with friends till late.
Anything brought in home should be distributed equally.
Respect everybody and there are so many things I learned by myself from elders in the family like my late grandfather used to smoke but never in front of his elder brother even when both were old like in 60's just because of respect.
I like to hold each and everything I learned from my elders and will surely pass to my next generation.
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Oh there's one more interesting one:
- 'Ladies' of the house do not dance in front of outsiders to provide 'entertainment'. At least in this generation, you would never see girls doing choreographed dance on Bollywood songs in front of 500 guests. Never. Of course, our weddings are always a blast, we do sing our tappays and do our bhaghra and gidda dance, but that's strictly a family affair, and when the entire family gets together, there really isn't any room to squeez in any outside people.
It's funny that 'religion' really isn't even an excuse or a reason for the above rule. It's just an old school feudalistic mindset.
All else aside, I've never understood the willingness with which people make a complete ass out of themselves dancing all Bollywood at the weddings - and have proper routines, skits and extremely embarrassing choreography.
Those who say it's all fun, part of expressing their happiness etc., then please elaborate because I for one don't get that argument one bit. It is an extremely disturbing practice that needs to really be given its due attention in our community so that we can raise awareness and hopefully work towards cleansing ourselves from this epidemic.
Re: What are your family rules and norms?
Didn't grow up with too many rules but these some things were unsaid.
My taya tayi were the authority. The younger siblings gave them the respect and consulted them for almost everything and still do. My taya tayi never abused that power and they always gave the younger siblings the merzi to do whatever they please.
I grew up with milaads and qurankhwanis and the best part was koonday. I have a separate opinion about them but I don't mind attending them.
My dadi lived with my taya tayi so weekends were spent at their place.
My dadi put kohl in my eyes as a baby and so on. I can't live without kajal in my eyes.
We literally were not allowed to play under tree past maghrib.
Long hair is preferred so when the ladies chopped their hair off and they did often we did it from taya simply out of respect and dadi out of fear. She never yelled. She mumbled!!!
I learned secular approach which accommodate all religions and sects. My dada was deobandi and was against peeri mureedi. My dadi followed Barelvi school of thought. going to all mazars of towns. doing mannats, celebrating giyarhween shareef, attending milads, doing nazr o niyaz in Muharram. She used to bring water from the mazars she visited and distribute among all the children of family. Though, dada was against these things, but he never stopped dadi to perform all these things
We shared our wall and well with Hindu neighbors and there was exchange of sweets, etc on Eid, holi and diwali. We were reluctant to have stuff coming from Hindu family, but dadi said 'bismillah padh ka khalo'. Hindu ladies used to come our house for doing aarti of gai mata (dadi had cows at home).
My father kept on reading books from library of Imam bargah and deobandi madarsa. Amma still do mannats (if this happens, I'll go to Qalandar or Bhit Shah for laying chadar).
These all things automatically taught us to respect and tolerate different sects and religion and I don't think in today's world there is anything more than this that we can teach our children.