What are your conditions?

[WitchDr]

Re: What are your conditions?

@niyal

so does that mean women beliving in equality based relationships are not open minded. elaborate open minded ness

I did not mean open-mindedness. My comments were generic comments applicable to both females and males. I have always truly believed in equality in relationships. However, equality, like truth, is a perception.

[niyal]

Re: What are your conditions?

i know relationships do not work if one of them is close fisted and is not caring enough

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: What are your conditions?

Conditions only help in breaking the relationships and not creating them. There should be understanding b/w wife and husband and not conditions!

[somegroovychick]

Re: What are your conditions?

well you cant have an understanding, if for all intents and purposes, you are marrying a stranger. these conditions are pre-marriage ones, not post marriage. post marriage you deal with these things and figure out what works and what doesn't. thats where the understanding, patience, and bucketloads of compromise come in.

[_Iraj]

Re: What are your conditions?

@somegroovychick

well you cant have an understanding, if for all intents and purposes, you are marrying a stranger. these conditions are pre-marriage ones, not post marriage. post marriage you deal with these things and figure out what works and what doesn't. thats where the understanding, patience, and bucketloads of compromise come in.

write a few of those pre-marriage conditions

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: What are your conditions?

@somegroovychick

well you cant have an understanding, if for all intents and purposes, you are marrying a stranger. these conditions are pre-marriage ones, not post marriage. post marriage you deal with these things and figure out what works and what doesn’t. thats where the understanding, patience, and bucketloads of compromise come in.

pre-conditions eliminates options and successful marriage normally base on options.

Conditions are just lame line on paper unless backed by “consequences” and you dont want to begin your married life with consequences beating drums in background like

• If you dont allow me to work, I’ll take divorce
• If you dont give me saperate home, i’ll live at my parents home
• If you asked me to cook, I’ll not talk to you for 7 days
  …and so on

---

signed (Groom) signed (Bride)

[_Iraj]

Re: What are your conditions?

@Decent 6Chora

pre-conditions eliminates options and successful marriage normally base on options.

Conditions are just lame line on paper unless backed by “consequences” and you dont want to begin your married life with consequences beating drums in background like

• If you dont allow me to work, I’ll take divorce
• If you dont give me saperate home, i’ll live at my parents home
• If you asked me to cook, I’ll not talk to you for 7 days
  …and so on

---

signed (Groom) signed (Bride)

nicely put :k:

[PrinceMS]

Re: What are your conditions?

@AnGeL EyEs

....what u see is what u get!

can i see you in private then? :LB:

[somegroovychick]

Re: What are your conditions?

@~Iraj~

write a few of those pre-marriage conditions

the conditions i was referring to are what started this thread in the first place. things like wanting to work and have a career, expectations about kids, homes, responsibilities etc… these are things you need to discuss with your intended before you make a commitment. if the two of you simply can’t agree on these things, then i’d say you have a tough married life ahead of you. some guys do want their wives to stay home and have kids and look after them. nothing wrong with that unless the wife in question is focused on a career and wants to put off having kids for a while. at the very least you have to see if you can compromise on these major things before you say yes to each other. and yes, flexibility and compromise are a MUST, in any marriage, arranged or love.

[_tabussum]

Re: What are your conditions?

@somegroovychick

“no other wives”

is polygamy an issue in arranged marriages these days? i mean, wouldn’t your parents automatically refuse someone or kick up a fuss if he was already married when he proposed to you, or got married to someone else after you?

honestly, because i had all of the other worries listed (besides polygamy, its a strict no-no in our family) and more, i chose to go an entirely other route and picked my own hubby. it was’nt easier, i have to admit, in fact there was a whole lot of **** with him being white and non-muslim and the fact that i didnt tell my folks about him for 4 years (i had my reasons for that)…

but in the end, i know that im marrying someone who really loves me and cares for me, and took care of me through the craziness, and hung around with me even though we couldnt really date per se while i was living with my folks. and then he also dealt with all the **** that came from me moving out.

so. it took almost 5 years before things finally straightened out and people were happy again and speaking to me and now we’re planning our wedding thank God.

i think going your own route is worth it if thats what you really want and you just cant stomach the thought of someone else telling you who to marry. i know every moment of it was worth it for me… i ended up learning tons about myself and the people around me and what really matters in life.

my biggest objection to the arranged marriage was that i wouldnt be able to date him and get to know him before i decided what i wanted… unless we got engaged first. well, sorry, but why should i have a broken engagement on my “record”? because of stupid convention and narrow minded people? i couldn’t deal with that.

and i’ve heard it all- oh your parents know you best, oh look how many arranged marriages succeed, oh you cant decide who to marry (you’re too young/naive etc.). bull****.
I know me best. no one else.
Maybe those marriages “succeed” because divorce is such a no-no, and theres no support in pakistani society for a single woman/mother.
I pay taxes, bills, student loans, I vote, I drive, I feed and clothe myself, I have a fulltime job, I have interests and hobbies, I’m a grownup adult woman. I’m not dependent on anyone else for the basics, so why the hell am I not qualified enough to pick my own husband?

(yes, i still have beef with the whole idea :p)

good for you somegroovychick!! i hope it all works out for you.well done. I like your thinking.

[somegroovychick]

Re: What are your conditions?

thanks! so far, so good... MA :)

[_Iraj]

Re: What are your conditions?

^imagine a gurl is highly educated and she weds a man who is a lil conservative and does not like women working . before marriage it was conditionally decided that she will work. after marriage she realises she does not work as to be more at ease . but she has given her word that she will work . where exactly does she stand ?

is this conditional relationship working ?

[SindSagar]

Re: What are your conditions?

@KishMish

when some1 asks for you hand, you’ll marry him on which conditions?
let me start to make it clear for y’all

• I want to have the choice whether I want to work or not.
• I want my own place (apartment).
• No other wives, unless I think I’m okay with it (doubt it :halo: )
• I should be able to drive.
• I’m his equal in our lives.

so what are ur conditions and plz dont say that where there is LOve there are no conditions cause i dont agree with that.everybody have there conditions trust me:D

***And if Brad Pitt or any of your heart throbs asked for your hand, how many of your conditions would you be willing to fore go… ***

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: What are your conditions?

@PrinceMS

can i see you in private then?

stick to the topic ^

Iraj…good point.