What sorts of rasams have become part of your wedding celebrations? Tell us about these and any memories that you have associated with them.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
MANGNI
In my family, the bride's side usually does some engagement function and the groom's side still brings a payam ka khat (a proposal letter). Our mangnis are not always big function. Sometimes they are just the immediate families, but they mark the official betrothal of the couple.
Usually the bride gets a ring at this time, and sometimes this is also when the groom gets his wedding band (that's what we did at my mangni).
We also have the rasam that the bride's clothes come from the groom's side and the groom's clothes come from the bride's side.
MILAAD
Usually it is done along with the mayun. The women gather and recite naats, and after that the wedding festivities begin.
...more coming.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
MAYUN
If we’re able to do one, it’s sometimes like a week or two before the wedding, or just a day before the mehndi. My khala’s was even the same day as the mehndi. I didn’t have one as my wedding was in shadi season in Karachi and there wasn’t any time! In my family, it’s only the bride’s side at the bride’s mayun (and the groom’s side at the groom’s mayun). And people do the feeding sweets and applying ubtan thing. Sometimes there’s the circle money thing involved, but people are doing that less and less.
At some point around this time, the bari is brought to the bride. The bride’s clothes for the shadi and valima are part of the bari in our family.
MEHNDI
So for this both sides are present, and usually the bride and groom are present together (it’s rare these days in my family to have separate mehndis, but it has happened that way in the past, especially for the arranged marriages). In addition to the feeding mithai and money rasams, people in my family still usually do the ungli thing, where the sister of the bride (or a female cousin or friend) grabs the groom’s finger and wraps it in mehndi until he provides enough money for its release. These days the sum is either discussed before hand or the elders come and put an end to it, in case the tempers flare. People do silly things like using Monopoly money or pennies to add a little humor to the event. Sometimes there’s just a promise of money, or the groom agrees to take the bride’s cousins/siblings out for a treat or something, which is a nice way of handling it.
These days our dances tend to be a mix of the desi and Western stuff. Medleys are way more popular than doing whole songs. And rehearsals often happen at the last minute, with a couple girls knowing their stuff and the rest of us doing the best we can. But it’s lots of fun, and that’s what’s important. We try not to take it too seriously.
Our boys don’t dance enough. Need to work on that.
SHADI
In my immediate family, we usual prefer the nikkah to happen together, both bride and groom in front of the witnesses invited to the shadi. But for various reasons, it doesn’t always happen that way. The bride is brought out after the baraat arrives, and soon after the nikkah happens. Some of my cousins have done the arsi-musaf thing after the nikkah, which is cute. There’s also the sharing a cup of milk thing. Not sure why that happens, but it does in some of our weddings. When my cousins did it for me and hubby at our wedding, we were so scared of Pakistani milk, we barely took a sip :D.
Oh and some people block the way of the baraat until they hand over some $$$. 
All good as long as everyone is being friendly about it.
Sometimes we do the joota churai at the ruksati, but often it’s at the valima or chauthi.
After the ruksati, the bride and groom are usually taken to their suite or to some space for kheer chatai. This happens in a couple ways. (1) a bit of kheer is put in the bride’s hand (or on a spoon she is holding). The groom’s sister (or female cousin) has a hold of the bride’s hand and tries to keep the groom from getting a taste of the kheer. There’s a lot of attempts to get a lick of the kheer which are totally suggestive and inappropriate and done completely openly! It’s amazing. I guess it’s all good now that they’re married. Or (2) it’s grosser cuz the groom is trying to do the same thing, but while competing against his brothers/male cousins! I feel that is pretty darn disgusting. Don’t know why that hasn’t bothered previous generations! 
We didn’t end up doing the kheer chatai as our ruksati was totally rained out and then everyone headed to dinner (yes it was in those days when dinner was banned), and we were shuttled to our hotel at the end of the night.
VALIMA
Don’t really have specific traditions for this. We try to involve slide shows these days, so at lease something happens. And the tradition of giving speeches is becoming more popular. And yeah, the joota chupai/churai happens this day or later usually.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
PRE-MANGNI
In our family, if we are the ladke vaale and we have decided to ask for the hand in marriage of someone, we usually inform the ladki vaale that we will be coming over for the official shagun, we have a tradition of asking them not to prepare any food..because during this shagun ceremony, we bring the food and the mithaii of course and a bridal dupatta (usually new but sometimes it is the bridal dupatta of the the mother of the guy) for the bride.
At that point depending on whether or not the bride's side is open to the idea we will suggest a date for the official engagement ceremony if they are open to it then
ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY
we may have the official engagement ceremony at like the "haveli" of someone in the family or at a small hall, it is usually a private affair meant for only near and dear relatives and friends. The bride and groom exchange rings during this ceremony and traditionally these rings are rings that the bride and groom have gone out and picked together (of coure some ladki waales may not be open to that so it depends)
We also have the rasam that the bride's clothes come from the groom's side and the groom's clothes come from the bride's side.
MILAAD (this sometimes is skipped in my family)
usually very very informal events held at the bride's house separately and the groom's house separately
MAYUN
this is a semi formal usually it occurs anywhere from 1 day- 7 days before mehndi, usually invilves dholkii as well as songs that people dance to.
we prefer the dulha dulhan to have the maayun on separate days as thi is the point at which we will take over the bari to the bride over to her home, along with flower jewelry.
MEHNDI
So for this both sides are present. There are mehndi thaals obviously and leafs placed on the brides hand so people can come and place a bit of mehndi on her leaf after putting some mithai in her mouth.
Juuta chhupaayi is done at this time in our family
and this is also the time for dance and merriment :)
SHADI
like Sahar02 we prefer the nikkah to happen together, both bride and groom in front of the witnesses invited to the shadi. But it doesn't always work out that way.
The bride is brought out after the baraat arrives, the dulha is supposed to hold her hand to bring her up the stage usually and soon after the nikkah happens.
in some of our weddings we have had the arsi-musaf as well. There's also the usually a thaal of milk brought in that someone places a ring inside and the dulha and dulhan have to search for the ring, apparently whoever gets the ring is supposed to wear the pants in the family lol*.*
We also have the** "blocking the way of the baraat" **rasam, the baraat is only allowed to enter the hall upon handing over the "harri patti" haha.
at the end of the rukhsati the dulha dulhan are usually dropped off at a hotel for their wedding night
VALIMA
there's always cake during this one along with slideshows and like sahar02 ive started seeing speeches a lot recently.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
we also have this weird rasam ..weird because ive never heard of anyone apart form my family doing it....where if the valima dress for the bride is from the groom's side the valima set will be from the brides side and if the rukhsati dress is from the bride's side the set will be from the in laws
and another rasam is that the bride and groom go shopping for the bridal dresses and jewellery together,..they may bring along whosoever they wish but normally we prefer that the bride and groom go togther so she doesnt feel pressured into getting something she doesnt like and she can freely tell him what she wants
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
For rasams...hmmm
Well, we dont do mangnis so I cant say I have ever experienced anything there.
We do baat pakki (kind of like an engagement but it only lasts for a month maximum) and then nikah.
The mayun rasam usually entails ubtan on the hand and doing sadqah of the girl or couple.
Mehndi we have people put mehndi on a paan leaf and again more sadqah and then mithai feeding. We also do skits, dances and lots of entertainment.
Wedding is usually speeches, joota churai, ungli pakarna and then rukhsati.
Valima is usually a groom's side affair.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
ENGAGEMENT:
We usually have something called a Dua Khair (or a Baat Paki). It's the immediate family members on both sides come together (I think at the girl's house) where an elder would do a dua. After this, then everyone else in the family is informed about the magni. A lot of them come over to give their congrats on that same evening and there will be an impromptu celebration.
GROOM'S GHANA PARTY:
This is sort of like a mayoun for the guy. It usually takes place at a small banquet hall or at home. The groom makes his grand entrance, sits down, and then his sisters would make their entrance bearing the ghanna (that embroidered/fancy bracelet), mitthai, cake and maybe clothes. Actually, now that I think about it, it doesnt have to be the groom's sisters that coudl host this party. It coudl be anyone that is close with the groom and wants to celebrate their happiness. On my brother's wedding, my second cousin had a Ghanna Party for my brother, and my second cousin's wife put the ghanna on my bro. So they do the ghanna rasam, and then the groom would give some $ to the girl that put the ghanna on him. This is usually a big event, and all the family members are inviited and dinner is served as well.
MAYOUN/DHOLKI:
This is a ladies only event. And it could be both bride and groom's family that attends. Bride comes in, the usual uptan, oil in hair rasam is done, and then its the usual song and dance stuff. Previously, in the 90s, most of the dances were duets - where one girl would dance the hero's part and the other girl would be the girl part. These days, its more of group dances of 3 or more dancign to a medley of songs and all of the girls doing the same moves. They are usually practice a month before the dholki. Some of them are last minute. Then there is the usual stick/rumal dance for the girls who cant dance lol. For the food, the invited ladies bring some sort of food item with them - mitthai, donuts, cake, samosas....its kind of like a potluck. And usually on this event, the girl's bari would be shown (like her gold set, clothes, etc).
Speaking of gifts, one tradition we have is that the bride's mamoos buy the girl her new bedroom set.
MEHNDI:
It starts off with the groom and his immediate male relatives come to the ladies side and then it becomes completely segregated and the groom goes back to the guys side before dinner and they party. So its the usual, the brides makes her entrance, the groom makes her entance. And then the mehndi is brought it by all the girl. There are other girls who are waiting at the stage with dandiyas and/or flowers to greet the ladies bringing in the mehndi. Then the trays would be put on the floor and we all do luddi. Ladies, young and old. After that, the groom's bhabhi (if he does not have a bhabhi, its the groom's mumani) would make her entrance with the gharoli on her head. The gharoli is a decorated clay water pot (well, now its a metal one u can get at the indian store). Usually this gharoli is filled with candy and sweets. So she makes her entrance with this gharoli on her head, and the rest of the girls do luddi around her until the groom's father comes, takes the ghraroli off her head and gifts her with some sort of gold jewellery. Then all the ladies crowd around her to see what she got. Then the groom and the rest of the guys go to their side. Then the song, dance start. also at the same time, every lady/girl there would put mehndi on the bride.
SEHRA BANDI:
This coudl either happen at the banquet hall or at the groom's house. Or also at a place where the baraat gathers before they leave for the hall together. The sisters of the groom put the khulla, sehra and shawl on him, and then the parents would give their daughter their gold jewellery gifts :D. Then the groom's mother would give an unstiched suit to every married women there. All the women would start comparing the suits that they received. Then everyone gets into their cars and makes the baraat. There is usualy a competition on whose car would be right behind the groom's car.
NIKKAH:
The nikkah would have already have happened. Either in pakistan a year earlier, or in a masjid/home a couple of days before. Its just with immediate family members and everyone wears plain clothes (ie. not fancy), no makeup etc. I think my nikkah was the only one done in front of all the guests and on the rukhsati day (i like to be different ;) ).
RECEPTION/RUKHSATI:
These days its usually just the one event now. So the baraat arrives. the men would do their luddis/dancing/ronak outside in the parking lot with the dhol guy. Money is thrown around and all the young boys run to recover it and put it in the dhol guy's dhol. We used to have the stopping of the baraat back in the day, but that got carried away, so they stopped that. the baraat walks in the hall, guy sits on stage, and a tilawat and dua is read. In our family, usually the women sit at one side of the hall with their kids, and the men sit at the other side of the hall. Then the bride would make her entrance. The one by one, everyone comes to the stage to give their gifts (usually money or gold jewellery) and to take a picture. Picture the lines in amusement parks...lol..that. There is the usual dhood pilai, where teh bride's sister feeds the groom milk and in return she gets $ or gold jewellery. There is no haggling anymore. U get what you get and smile for the camera. The rukhsati is the usual. Bride is the centre of attention and surrounded by her family. Groom is no longer to be seen..just lost in the crowd, bechara. The song, "babul ki duaein leti ja" is a must. All the auntis start crying. The bride and groom are whisked away in the limo and off they go to the groom's house.
There I think there is some more dhood pillai (gotta build some "taqat" you know...;) ), some pictures and the bride and groom either go to a hotel or stay at home and the rest of the family members leave and stay somewhere else.
Next morning, there is breakfast, and in the evening there is some sort of cake cutting and family comes over adn they open all the gifts.
shadi done. phew.
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
Sometimes we do the joota churai at the ruksati, but often it's at the valima or chauthi.
it is called joota chupai on chauthi dawat.
and when return joota, girls get cash money. :D
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
In my family we do have some rasams but not many. I will be getting married this month and I don't plan on doing many rasams because my husband doesn't understand them and I'm not a big fan of such traditions.
I'm not sure about my Mum side but in my Dad's family we don't have big engagements but guys side go to the girls with presents and the ring. My in-laws did the same for me
On the mehndi we usually have our own, guys side invite the girls side but not the girl and girl side invites the guys side but not the guy so there is usually two mehndi's. Few times we've had a joint. Mehndi's we do the usual feeding of the mithai and mehndi on the leaf etc. In my in-laws mehndi is the day where girls side invite the guys side for a "dawat" and the guys side bring all their presents for the girls on that day (the bari I guess) and they wrap up everything quite nicely
Wedding we don't do much except the jootha chupia/dhood pilai and thats it. Then we bring the girl home and welcome her with the flowers and all. The brother in laws ask for money and the sisters/cousins of the groom ask for money from him before they allow the couple to leave. We once had one of our aunts drink milk and do circles with that glass around the new couple before they entered and it felt so weird...like we were hindu or something, so we asked her to stop.
Walima day we don't do anything except allow the girls side of the family to be up on the stage (because we hog it on the shadi day)
dee end
Re: What are the wedding rasams/traditions in your family?
Hey, you have to churai the joota in order to chupai the joota. 