so i sometimes wonder that why the parents living in UK,US,Canada etc mostly prefer to marry off their daughters to the guys back home in Pakistan over the guys that are born and brought up in same foreign countries?
while they want guys from Pakistan for their daughters they don’t want the daughters to live in/settle in Pakistan but needs the guy to settle in that foreign country where the girl and her family are.
so why is that so? like if you want your daughter to remain there and your Son in law to settle there then why not simply look for guys who are living in your country already and who are born and brought up there?
Are guys born and brought up there are bad husbands or what??
Maybe the issues are related to wealth, property, cousin marriages and caste*which is non-existent but existent in Pakistan*. Also, it could be that the parents have seen the environment that the males grow up in and what they do like clubbing*I'm generalizing here and also contradicting myself :P* so they don't want that for their daughter/son. It depends on quite a lot of everything...
while they want guys from Pakistan for their daughters they don't want the daughters to live in/settle in Pakistan but needs the guy to settle in that foreign country where the girl and her family are. Safety and security as in the parents will have their daughter nearby in case of any emergency.
**Are guys born and brought up there are bad husbands or what?? **LOL You are generalizing here.
so i sometimes wonder that why the parents living in UK,US,Canada etc mostly prefer to marry off their daughters to the guys back home in Pakistan over the guys that are born and brought up in same foreign countries or vice versa?
so i sometimes wonder that why the parents living in UK,US,Canada etc mostly prefer to marry off their daughters to the guys back home in Pakistan over the guys that are born and brought up in same foreign countries?
How many guys have you seen in these countries willing to take Pakistani girls born there?
I've been hearing a lot of horror stories of girls who were raised in the US, UK, or Canada, and were forced by their parents to go to Pakistan and get married to some guy over there (usually a son of one of the parents' relatives). In these cases, the parents are usually uneducated, in both religion and worldly education, and come from a low socioeconomic status background.
In other cases, where parents/family is educated and are wealthy, or moderately wealthy, or middle class (or even poor, but come from an educated and decent background and desire upward social mobility for their children) they look for a guy in Pakistan when they can't find a suitable match for their daughters in western countries.
For example, I know of several families where the parents wanted their daughters to be married to highly professional men (doctors, lawyers, dentist, etc.), probably because they wanted to make sure their daughters would be financially secure. When they were unable to find what they wanted in the US, they went to Pakistan and picked someone from that profession and got their daughters married. Consequently, the daughter's husbands migrated to the US, studied and passed board exams, and it was a good end for everyone, because a lot of times these guys also want to study/work abroad, and getting married to a girl who can take them is one way to do it.
How many guys have you seen in these countries willing to take Pakistani girls born there?
so are you meaning to say that girls parents look out for boys in Pakistan because guys in uk,us,canada refused to marry girls born over there? if that's what you are saying then again the question is WHY?
so i sometimes wonder that why the parents living in UK,US,Canada etc mostly prefer to marry off their daughters to the guys back home in Pakistan over the guys that are born and brought up in same foreign countries?
while they want guys from Pakistan for their daughters they don't want the daughters to live in/settle in Pakistan but needs the guy to settle in that foreign country where the girl and her family are.
so why is that so? like if you want your daughter to remain there and your Son in law to settle there then why not simply look for guys who are living in your country already and who are born and brought up there?
Are guys born and brought up there are bad husbands or what??
It's not a secret why: Moolah is priority. First you have to get out of Pakistan and secure a future. Once you do that, you want to bring someone from Pakistan to secure the culture.
its because its hard to find a guy in the us/uk. many of the guys want girls from Pakistan so they can basically boss them around for a few years. Then the ones that guys that want someone from the us/uk have high standards. The girls would mostly love to find someone in the US UK but its not that easy. And with the age limits, time is really of the essence, there is no point in waiting until your 30 to go back, because then trying to find someone in Pakistan gets difficult as well.
guys either find what they are looking for in someone there of their background
or they go marry someone from a diff national background
or they go to pakistan
of course some ridiculous thinking about local girls plays in there at times as well
and then you add parents who want an old school bahu
when guys go to pak or marry a non desi local, the ratio tilts.
the girls can also either go out of the desi community..which is often not possible due to parents
or go to pak
and add to it desire to keep it all in the family and importing cousins from villages in the old country
and you have the mess we see.
My only confusion is that how on earth can 20-something girls who have been brought up in the west allow their parents to exert so much control on them, and not just walk away. But then again i guess these girls have been brought up in a way that they have shortage of self confidence, or fer for their safety after walking away
although i recall that most girls forced to marry cousins back home are usually young anyways..and the parents probably know too that if the girls get older and more independent and stronger they will tell em to sod off..
there has to be, simply has to be more focus on this, we cant brush it under the rug and pretend its not an issue, forcing girls to be oppressed all their lives, threatened and coerced. this is what I want our community leaders and religious leaders to focus on, but they are too busy worrying about nawaz or imran in community groups, and about afghanistan and palestine in religious circles. while this happens right in their neighbourhoods.
so i sometimes wonder that why the parents living in UK,US,Canada etc mostly prefer to marry off their daughters to the guys back home in Pakistan over the guys that are born and brought up in same foreign countries?
while they want guys from Pakistan for their daughters they don't want the daughters to live in/settle in Pakistan but needs the guy to settle in that foreign country where the girl and her family are.
so why is that so? like if you want your daughter to remain there and your Son in law to settle there then why not simply look for guys who are living in your country already and who are born and brought up there?
Are guys born and brought up there are bad husbands or what??
I belive it is same reason..as guys use this to bring girl from Pak. Why can't they marry girls here?.
Now about your last point...MOST of the time..what i have seen is that..these guys get a odd job and do whatever certification they need to get through and then end up getting fairly good job. Probably doesn't start high offs usually but it is a start.
My only confusion is that how on earth can 20-something girls who have been brought up in the west allow their parents to exert so much control on them, and not just walk away. But then again i guess these girls have been brought up in a way that they have shortage of self confidence, or fer for their safety after walking away
Lack of self confidence, self respect, self esteem.
true, and i think it is imperative that programs in community centers and mosques address this head on, and help build confidence and empower these girls. I suppose the mosques that their parents affiliate with probably will not find too much interest in this though.