I was born in a Muslim family (Alhamdolillah) but it was only a few years back that I became a practising Muslimah.
My problem is with this ‘pattern’ I’ve observed in my own behaviour: I’m punctual with my prayers, try to abstain from sins and bam - i stop suddenly.
My prayer count keeps dropping and I (with a weird guilt) stop paying attention to my religion. I stop reading the Quran, start listening to music, and start wasting time on other things. And after a few days I realize what I have been doing; then I repent and start praying like before again. Every time I do this (repent) I feel very satisfied. But why is it that I keep going through this ‘sinful patch’ every now and then…I just can’t stay steadfast for a really long time..I love Allah, and I feel guilty every time this happens..
DONT WORRY :)
1st step ....Istagfaar........ read as much as u can with a sincere heart.u can recite just ''astagfirullah '' or the long ones too.
then try to recite quranic duas,u can search online.
join any quran-understanding course if u can or start listening online quranic lectures like of Alhuda International or smthing like that.
May Allah bless u n guide u.
In addition to bao bihari's comment, you may read an invocations for if you are stricken by doubt in your faith:
"Aamantu billaahi wa Rusulihi"
I believe in Allah and His Messenger
Huwal-Awwala wal-Aakhiru wadh- Dhaahiru wal-Baatinu, wa Huwa bikulli shai'in 'Aleem"
"He is the Fisrt and Last, the most High andthe Most near. And He is the Knower of all things"
and
I seek refuge in Allah, Then you should desist from doing what you are in doubt about.
References:
a) 57:3, Abu Dawud 4/329. Al-Albani greaded it good in Sahih Abu Dawood, 3/962.
b) Muslim, 1/1 19-20.
c) Al-Bukhari, cf. Al Asqalani, Fath Al Bari 6/336, Muslim 1/120
It's true! Maybe I just can't do it alone. I need company of some good friends. I come from a modern family and social circle; my parents and family look at me with questioning eyes when I wear the hijab (though Alhamdolillah I never took it off once I started it). It all gets difficult in such situations :)
Thank you for the replies, may Allah bless you all