Another story for all you lovely folks here! First post!
Ok so I meet this girl in Pakistan last year. Really got on.. Used to talk for ages, loved her style n all that. said to her was really interested and would one day even want to marry her.. you know we just clicked!
She is a lil older from me, about 4 years.. but it doesnt look like it. She has afew bros and a sis. Get on with all. One bro is known to be a lil dodgy.. according to ppl out there - apparently he robs ppl?? I dont know he seems ok around me. She has been honest and true about most things.
Afew months later we went to pak again.. people around us are preventing us from getting together. My family only recently found out about us, they are still deciding. Her family (dont know) hav found a guy for her and got her engaged in those months we went back. Though she said she wanted to marry me.. cos of her age the family have found a rishta for her and wanted to marry her off. She says she prefers me but her father said yes to that guy’s family. She said she had no say it in it and I didnt giv her a decision.. (am i being ignorant?)
She has alot of qualities that I like in her.. she interesting, got style, interlectual etc. My mother a bit wary.. apparently the same happened with my uncle.. he went out (to pak, meet a girl, he thot he lovd her, got married etc) and now his wife is a completely changed person.. blackmailing him, she sending money to her family, using him, back bitting etc My mum thinks the same thing will happen to me.. she says she just wants to get out of the country and help her family by using me to her advantage. She says It all a farce/con! etc etc
So at the end Im really stumped on what to do? I like her, her family and they seem to have alot of respect for ours. They dont seem to be money hungry nor do they have that pendo mentality that Ive seen. Im really stumped.. can a Western guy (traditional) get on with a Pakistan girl?
Why is it that my family feel this negatively about her.. or Pakistani women in general coming to the US/UK? Anyone have any thoughts…
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
typical desi mentality is that once you marry someone from pak.. they'll come to the foreign country and will send money backhome and use u to his/her advantage. Plain B.S! I say sponsor her man and forget about what the world has to say. As long as u both are willing to be married.
maybe your mom doesn<t want you to end up supporting her big family all your life. i think she thinks the way she does because it is for hte most part true that any guy or girl from paksitani is marrying outside to get out nd help their family better their life situation unless they are ameer themselves.
but on the other hand, how does your mother know that you won<t get a crazy girl from usa. their also lots of stories of them like for example sending the guys to jail and fighting and divorcing and taking half of what the guy own etc etc.
if you are really into the girl tell your mom there is always a give and take to everything. and if you really like the girl if you love her then so what if you help the poor girls family out. isn<t love about giving. isn<t ti about being unselfish.
besides it is not everyday that you click wiht someone and feel somthing special. and you could give your mom a time frame and tell her since she is so skepticle she can try tot find soemone for you in usa that you will feel something speical for. i bet she won<t be able tot do it.
don<t listne to skeptical negative thinking too much even if it comes from someone as close ot you like your mom. if you do u might make yourself mehroom(devoid) of hapiness in your life and regret taking this type of advice.
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
Ive met tons of people who went back to Pakistan, got married and brought their wives here soon afterwards. One of our family friends is actually waiting for his wife right now. They are all doing fine, Alhumdulillah.
It happens a lot...all the time...not a big deal. If you like her, marry her and leave the rest to Allah swt.
Ive met tons of people who went back to Pakistan, got married and brought their wives here soon afterwards. One of our family friends is actually waiting for his wife right now. They are all doing fine, Alhumdulillah.
It happens a lot...all the time...not a big deal. If you like her, marry her and leave the rest to Allah swt.
True say! lol Its sad really, she kinda grew on me and as soon as I asked my mother - she (my mum) gave me the cold shoulder.. you will ruin your life, you will end up hating her, she will take advantage of u and ur money/passport etc. She said Im saving you from a horrible future listen to me blah blah blah.. My dad seems to be happy about it though.. maybe cos he is a proper pakistani.. mums kinda spnt more her life outside pak. Im like stuck in the middle...
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
i know one guy from the uk who married a girl from pak they got along fine
Another guy who is uni with me he is pretty unhappy because after the girl came to the uk she completely changed!
And my cousin from the US married a girl from pak and they are reallllllly happy but he is really really fussy and went through 8 years of rishta hunting before finding his now wife.
by the way your lady sounds a bit dodgy, dont know why but i just get that vibe! that maybe she just wants your passport?
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
depends McLovin about what u mean by mingling? how traditional are you or how western are you? do you want her to be going out with ur friends and completely fitting in straight away or not…
in a marriage you both need to work together, walk together and be there for each other.. not hold one another back. If you think she is the one and can do that for you.. then go for it i say :k:
my bro married someone from pak, and Mashallah they are doing very well… but everyone has different requirements different ideas and ideals… i know a lot of guys who have gone back to get married… most have worked. Most were traditional and wanted someone the same… Others who are not traditional (and it really depends on what u define as traditional), have looked elsewhere..
you need to first figure out what you want. Liking someone can be very easy… its the afterward bit that can get tough if you havent thought things through properly..
i know one guy from the uk who married a girl from pak they got along fine
Another guy who is uni with me he is pretty unhappy because after the girl came to the uk she completely changed!
And my cousin from the US married a girl from pak and they are reallllllly happy but he is really really fussy and went through 8 years of rishta hunting before finding his now wife.
by the way your lady sounds a bit dodgy, dont know why but i just get that vibe! that maybe she just wants your passport?
I get that too.. they say if you are not satisfied with the person you want to spend your life with then it will be disaster. Thing is its not actually her.. its more the bro im concerned with and the motives (if any?) that really concern me.. I mean maybe Ive seen to many US/UK-Pakistani relationships gone sour thats why i dont seem to have confidence in her.. kinda maybe thinking its gna be the same for me.. shame really. Its probably the environment that im in!
Though on the other side.. Ive heard that there are many that have gone well. Even today guys are marrying girls out there (preference really!). She did say she was interested and many people have said she is marriage material. I even relate to her in what we talk about.. so I get the goosebumps that its all happened all of a sudden. I never even went out there with the intention of getting myself caught up in something like this! lol Weird..
hmmm if ur already concerned about what she may be like and are unsure, its prob not a good thing to rush anything.
Thats the annoying thing really. Its not actually her.. its the bad relationships Ive seen around me go bad. The situation with the bro, the fact she maybe in it for the passport/$$$? Though they do have a very nice family, they have a really good family relationship with the community, never actually asked people for money no matter what their circumstance, dad even said they are not the typical pendus you see everywhere.. The fact is you hear guys/gals that come to the west change their attitude when they get her, so theoretically she could change.. maybe Im looking to much into it.
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
^ look people change for the good or bad.. u dont know. thats the reality of it. U dont know for sure.
if you are serious, then u should sit down and discuss ur expectations with her. Discuss what you want out of life, out of marriage.. this will give you a good indication of whether or not ur on the same wavelength..
having said that, sometimes, people are not so with it before marriage or even first year or so and i know i was totally one of those people. Naive and silly. But with time, with the right support, right encouragement, people change.
If you can see that the girl is someone who meets your ideals and whatever.. then yes, go for it. Just make sure u two both discuss each others expectations. If u dont, things can go sour... trust me
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
Well thats the problem with not having a chance to really get to know a person before having to pledge your life to them; both the parties/families don't really know each other well enough to truly trust each other. It's a leap of faith that some are willing & able to make.
But the chances do exist of things turning out the way they did for your uncle.
Sorry - I know this isn't really helpful for your decision making, but in the end, it depends on how strongly you feel for her.
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
What a Character this Mclovin is
do not trust his love, do not want to buy what his mum says and he is here to take advice from people who have no idea about the girl and her family, about Mclovin and his family and background of this so-called love story/affair
Re: Western Guys Marrying Pakistani Girls: Dilemma
marry her. its not like she is going to get a passport as soon as she lands, it takes 5 years to get one and even then you have to pass all these tests, here in the uk. so trust me, if she gets all wacko and canniving , send her back asap. i doubt she would live with someone for 5 years just to get a passport, and to be honest a passport isnt what it was 20 yrs ago. even if she got it, and say thats all she wanted, what on earth could she do it with it,,,it wont make her a millionaire....and my bhabi is from pak she married my cousin here, we didnt like her for the same reasons in the beginning, but shes absolotly lovely. and even if acquiring a passport was one of her motives, it doesnt make her a bad person.
so to summarise....even if she wants a passport, would you consider than bad enough to not marry her., i think not. remember our dads and grandads came to this country too, and we are not native westerners....so we should perhaps give them a chance.
its best to liv life dso whatever you want and have no regrets, so if you want to marry her go ahead. as long as you dont have regrets later. and we dont know you or her or anything in depth so we cant advise you further, you should know what your instinct says.
do not trust his love, do not want to buy what his mum says and he is here to take advice from people who have no idea about the girl and her family, about Mclovin and his family and background of this so-called love story/affair
Mcpendo yaar how many chakers have u got with girls
in the other thread you havea chaker with a desi girl, who is blackmailing you.
Personally bro, I have indeed heard and observed many tragic stories of boy/girl form pak marrying and using girl/guy from west for green card.
Its called bakra/bakri visa mate.
Infact bro.pakistan is a poor country.....most of the thier people beforehand do go for abroad ristas precisly because of that green card/visa/better life quality factor. So many Pak parents send thier daughter to the other side fo their world precisly for this feature. Even the well-educated people in pak, have low job prospects. For many any kind of means of entry to foreign country is like a passport for heaven to them - and which human is there who will not be greedy or crafty in looking for heavenly oppurtunities.
So you better anyway keep this thing in mind this cud have been a big factor why this girl went for you in first place.
