Well Meaning Advice.... or NOT.

[Jasmine_Tea]

Re: Well Meaning Advice… or NOT.

@Demesne

The latest thread of Nadz got me thinking about the advice people seek and from whom and how much is followed. How much onus of responsibility does one bear when giving advice?

I know some would say that the onus of responsibility is completely on the listener who acts on it or not, but consider if you, the one giving advice, are very gifted at convincing people? Is not then, or even otherwise, most of the onus on you to watch what you say and consider long term advantage or disadvantage?

What I really want to consider is how much weight does your conscience bear to know that your deductions, perhaps incorrect ones, have led to a bad situation?. And perhaps advice has a cumulative effect. Repeatedly told, over and over, factoring in that people will hear what they want to as well or be inclined to that end, one can effectively deduce how a person will process certain information given their mindset.

And when considering huge repercussions like negative effects on marriage, especially when children are involved, young innocent pure souls, little people… is it not our responsibility to enforce the positive and always always always bring to light the positive things in any situation so that the person in that situation, who is always emotional at the moment, can find some solace and strength in a positive way towards a POSITIVE end?

In short, isn’t is our duty as good human beings to highlight the positive and encourage others to see it too in all advice?

In general, I agree with you that we should point out the positives when someone is in distress about the relationship, ESPECIALLY when kids are involved. But I am sure you would also agree that it may not be the best kind of solution every time.

Positive advice can often invalidate real feelings and issues that people are actually facing. Any attempt at shoving issues or feelings under the rug, in my opinion, does not bode well. Resentments build. And then, we might think something is a good solution for someone, but not realize just how much it tears them apart and costs them their mental health - which in turn might make them worse parents.