I don;t know if people are in denial or simply lax about it, but religion can have a lot to do with it: the splashback is a significant concern for taharat no matter how careful you are. Especially some of those toilets that have a lot of water in the bowl. My suggestion is that if she will be a stay-at-home wife, and she is very concerned, then she can go in the shower and wash up before each prayer (This is not impossible, nor impractical. I know a relative (living in NY) who actually does this before every prayer because she is afraid her prayer won't count if there is a single splash, she said this was a hadith, and i admire her for respecting this hadith so much). I know we must not be wasteful (as a part of our religion) but it is possible to be clean and still use less water if one tries.
Or if your friend is in a more public place, she can buy disposable toilet seat covers that come in a small box that can fit in a purse. Also, put toilet paper in the toilet to prevent splashes, use bottles/cups as lota, then use a wet paper towel or baby wipes to clean up the rest. If at home, flush the toilet before using the lota obviously, and it might help to use the lota as the toilet is flushing (depends on toilet)- this way the water is vortexing into the "drain" reducing surface tension and hence splashback, and splash (if any) will be new water.
Oh and people, don't make fun of this girl for strictly following a hadith. cleanliness is part of our Iman. We try to make the best of what we are given. Inshallah allah will accept our efforts and forgive us if we err.
If it is a comfort issue, there are toilet seats that can be fitted onto a western toilet that allows one to squat. Actually- this is the natural position and is more healthy because squatting while doing #2 prevents pressure on continence muscles and prevents nerve compression. The toilet fitting obviously will not get rid of the splashback issue though.
lol @ # 2 :)
any ways ! very good post indeed.. finally somebody has made sense in this whole thread
any body ever wondered y they install desi commodes in mosques? the problem of OP's cousin is not getting used to with the westren commode but Taharat and thats y she feels cocerned !