here goes..for those of u who live in a joint family.. How do u manage to share a kitchen with someone else? I can understand..if the parents have “retired” and the sole bahu/daughter does the cooking and stuff…but what abt when there’s more than just one person in charge? how do u manage to share the duties?
and no this isn’t a in-laws bashing thread, just curious that’s all.
Re: weird Q but
i've never lived in a joint family.. but i have had relatives/roommates stay with me for extended periods of time. the #1 rule in the kitchen is if u've cooked somet alone/for urself only, then u do the dishes, don't leave it in the sink forever. if it's a collaborated effort, then u share the workload. usually the other person will volunteer; if not, then take the initiative yourself to mark out responsibilities. if the other person is an elder, then i guess i'd end up doing everything myself unless she volunteered to help.
usually my roommate would chop up stuff, i would cook and wash the utensils that were in the sink before we sat down to our meal while she set the table. after dinner, she'd do the dishes while i cleared the table, dried and put away the dishes she washed. it was fun to have company in the kitchen, at the same time we weren't in each other's way.
Re: weird Q but
Namkeen is that your personal rule or is that one of those unwritten/unspoken "social" rules that every one just seems to know?
Re: weird Q but
i think it's just courtesy, no? and no, it's not "my rule" per se, just an unwritten rule
Re: weird Q but
I got to observe this on my last trip to Pakistan, best option is sharing of duties. For instance my mom makes good salan, rice dishes, and fusion food, whereas my aunt is good with frying, grilling or making good naan/roti, so they would both make something. It was cute watching them work together.
Re: weird Q but
there was this time when i had a really messy guest who was my cousin's MIL's best friend's daughter come to new york for a month.. i've a small apartment, and she slept on the couch.. in the morning, she'd leave all the bedclothes lying around and go out. i picked up after her for a coupla days, threw some hints, when she ignored them, sat her down and told her nicely that she had to pick up after herself in the common living spaces. oh, she also smoked... and i politely requested her to go smoke out in the balcony or go outside in the garden. she did that and the rest of her stay went well.
i love entertaining and do all i can to ensure my guests feel at home, but they also need to respect my home and my space. there's the sunnat about guests which i follow, but at the same time i don't tolerate ppl treating my home like a hotel and me like a chambermaid.
Re: weird Q but
Sara, i havent had the experience yet, but i have seen my SIL's do it on my last visit to Pak. My younger nand is the person incharge and when others are visiting, especially my devrani, she would just step into the kitchen and start doing whatever needed to be done. If she woke up first in the morning, my devrani would go and start on breakfast instead of waiting for someone to do it. I thought it was an awesome characteristic on her part.
Even though i wasnt allowed to do anyhthing at my inlaws (being a new bahu and first visit etc), i still tried doing little stuff, like making chai, doing dishes a few times etc. But i admit i didnt do too much :D But when my cousin came over for dinner with her family, i made sure i helped my nand as much as i could because i wasnt fair to her to entertain my guests as well. She did the main cooking but i did the chopping up, etc.
Re: weird Q but
neva faced in my own house hold but i hv seen many families doing it by distributing the duties, like da elder bhabhi will b making da lunch and da younger bhabhi n SIL will b makin the dinner or as belle mentioned distributing the dishes.
My younger sis is v particular in kitchen chores, it’s so hard 2 work along her coz she is neva satisfied with any 1 else’s work until she does ev thin by herself n she’s a master cook so u can’t even say anything 2 her :pcg:. I dunno how can sum1 manage 2 work along a person like her 
Re: weird Q but
I think i am a control freak type and i hate to share my space.. i think i get this from my mom lol she never let me/made me help ehr out in the kitchen.
Re: weird Q but
I have had couple of friends living in joint family system here and this is from what I have heard.
Scenario One: There r days that each bahu does the cooking bit.
Scenario 2: they cook their own meals for their own families.One of my friend says that her husband liked different food then what was cooked so that was one of the reason that she had to make diffrent stuff.
Some negative points if not assigned and more unsid rules is that it can end up in nobody taking the responsibility of keeping things in order like pantry stocked up etc. Also in the sharing of the house maid, if she is asked by too many parties to take care of their stuff.More like a tug of war.
Re: weird Q but
well i have not experienced the aroma of joint family because right after marriage i came out of my in-laws ..so being here i was and am the only in-charge doing everything..but when i go back to my in-laws on annual holidays:D ..i find that the main cooking is in my MIL's hands ..me and my devrani just do some sort of oopur ka kaam..setting the table,making the salad,putting things infront of the guests..MIL is such a sweet person..never let anyone make the tea even..she does everything by herself...i do try to wash some dishes out..but she also never let me do that even...but still i do.most of the time me and my devrani are talking in the kitchen with MIL and trying to grab some work from her but to no avail..but after dinner i do serve kehwa which is made regularly..but the people whom i have seen living in a real big family...they do divide the work among them like
bahu # 1 -->wud do cooking and kitchen related work
bahu # 2-->wud do cleaning of home etc
bahu # 3 -->wud rest that day
so they just divide it like this so everyone wud get rest days ....
Re: weird Q but
here goes..for those of u who live in a joint family.. How do u manage to share a kitchen with someone else? I can understand..if the parents have "retired" and the sole bahu/daughter does the cooking and stuff...but what abt when there's more than just one person in charge? how do u manage to share the duties? and no this isn't a in-laws bashing thread, just curious that's all.
Sara, good question! I haven't lived in a joint family, but I think it depends on the MIL. If she's the Queen Bee of the house, and insists on cooking (maybe she really likes to do it), then I think the DIL helps set up and clean up. I know a girl who's MIL does the cooking, but the DIL does the dishes. Or the MIL does most of the cooking, but once or twice a week, the DIL does it. If you want to get on your MILs good side, while she's cooking, hang out in the kitchen with her, and help chop onions or wash vegetables. You can even ask her to teach you how to cook, and take that at a learning and bonding opportunity. My MIL lived with me for a year, and she never did any cooking. I was a newlywed then, and I really was hoping for some lessons.
Re: weird Q but
I've lived in a joint family situation. MIL moved from back home to come stay with us. Sometimes we both felt a bit edgy...like OK, who should do what. My MIL likes to cook a few special things. I like everything to be clean and organized. So we would go with the flow. One day, I'd request her to make something special and tell her ammi, I'll clean up afterward. Somedays, she'd tell me to cook something. It was like play by ear kind of a set up. There were times I'd feel she wants to make some extra stuff that no one really liked...but I never said anything to her, and she never said anything to me.
The best thing to do is be proactive and try to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. I used to feel that she left her home to come stay here, she must miss her independence and being incharge. And I was blessed with a MIL who knew that every girl wants to run her house her way. So I guess we both gave each other room and handled it quite well.
Re: weird Q but
i used to share kitchen chores with my MIL...she had her own way of cooking so whenever i used to cook she used to tell me what to put and how much...sometimes i used to get annoyed k i know how to coooook but phir i as like its her kitchen and maybe she is trying to help me so my FIL will like my cooking....i guess when you live with in laws you have to do stuff their way especially if MIL is active in kitchen....
Re: weird Q but
hmm... my mom in law and i have a good balance going..
when she cooks, i sometimes help out with the prepping but mostly she cooks all by herself... i do the cleaning around her.... same thing when i am cooking, only difference being i dont let her clean up cuz its not such a big deal.. we're both very good at just getting along so dont manage at all to get in each others hair and mostly cuz we are so much alike, like to clean up as we cook... to think i couldnt work with mom in the kitchen at the same time cuz my mom was of the habit that u clean up once ure done cooking.. that would drive me up the wall!
Re: weird Q but
So...fo those of u w/ in laws who are still in control of the kitchen...do u ever feel that way that its not even ur kitchen but its still theirs? and ur just extra help so u dont have that freedom to do watchu wana do?
Re: weird Q but
if u have a dominating mom in law than i guess u would feel like oil and water.. there but not really there ..... both parties have to learn to let the other do things as they wanna do....
when im cookin, my mom in law does not interfere with how i do the cooking or handle the kitchen.. same when she is doing it.... as for non cooking and taking care of the kitchen... common sense prevails... i found a better way of storing pots and pans and they agreed to follow that way... she has a much better way of cleaning the oven top so i follow her way.... the problem starts when neither party thinks the other has person has a brain and must be ordered around or made to do things the way they have been done all this time.
Re: weird Q but
hmm so there are ways to store pots and pans...Khawa, I am glad you are not my bahu. :p
and here I wish I had someone to cook n clean for me.. I am very against joint family system (I dun get along with anyone) but still after living alone with a husband who wanted fresh home cooked food everyday (rain or shine, sick or healthy), I wished I had someone to help me out!
I dun even enter into the kitchen anymore when I am at my parents!!!
Re: weird Q but
you never ever did anywyas! :p