Well, this is something I have been thinking about for quite sometimes now. It is just an example based on my understanding after I used to observes people around me.
Kindly tell me who would you blame in the following scenerio and what is lacking in the following relationship ?
Example:
A tired man returns home at night, after a whole working day, falls on the sofa, turns on the cricket match on TV.
**What is on his mind ? **I couldn’t get a single moment of relaxation in the whole day. My head is aching, I should just immediatly take dinner and go to sleep.
**What is on the mind of her pregnant wife ? **I was feeling lonely but I did all the house hold activities even with pregnancy only in the hope that at the end of the day when “he” comes I would feel so happy & satisfied when he would help me out in few things in the kitchen, sit with me and talk to me about our first baby, who is about to come to this world.
BUT, what heppens ?? The husband is servely hurt to see the dinner is not yet ready and some more time to wait. Doesnt she know that I have to go to bed so that I may have enough sleep inorder to be active the next morning for work ?? What on earth was she doing all day!!, she only has this one work to do and she can’t even do that. He know she is pregnant and it is not good to shout at her or hurt her, so he angrily goes to the kitchen, eats whatever he finds in the fridge and goes to bed with a bad mood and an almost empty stomach.
The wife is severly hurt to see such a behaviour. Doesn’t he realize that I am pregnant. WHO did all the house hold activities with such difficulty. Couldn’t he have waited for few more minutes. I didn’t eat my meal and waited with an empty stomach to have a dinner with him and share my feelings with him about our up coming child…He is SENSELESS!! * puts her head on the table and go to sleep with a broken heart and tears of pain*
I blame their lack of communication. Why didn't either person express how they feel, in a conversation, doesn't have to be yelling or anything. If they talked about it, they may realize each other's view and maybe understand what each was going through?
You need to give your hubby a little time to unwind when he comes home. Some guys really need that. Its not that he is selfish or self centered or love cricket more than you.
Another thing, when a guy is quite, dont talk to him too much or ask him what is wrong, Unlike girls (who when quite expect someone to take notice and ask), guys when they are quite, they really want to be that way for a while. I am not saying that guys are better than girls in this way, I am just telling you their nature
I know, cooking while preganant might be difficult but sometime we all have to do things which are not convenient
I suggest, read this book "5 love langauges". Find out the love language of your husband (and he needs to find yours). His love language may not be "quality time", it might be "act of service". The other three are "Physical Touch", "words of affirmation" and "receiving gifts"
as ppl said communication is the key, secondly how pregnant is she and how is the pregnancy classified, normal, risky..etc.
have they talked about what are priorities on a daily basis?
maybe dinner ready when he comes back is more important to him than launndry being done more than once a week, or sweeping. vaccuming being done .. but that is what needs to be discussed.
lastly, honestly speaking, with two people living alone. I really dont understand what the hoopla is about daily housework. how much mess can two adults create in one evening that the next day is a back breaking cleaning work that someone spends all day taking care of that.
oh and a suggestion that may be helpful for the lady, she should cook like twice a week and freeze stuff. would be easier to handle.
well me and atif have a similar scenario…except im not pregnant yet…:halo:…
he’s already told me wenever i cum home from work i want a biiig smile on ur face wen u open the door…this way he feels better at least the atmosphere at home is in peace…and wen he’s tired i c that on his face and the dinner is ready neway…he always likes it fresh and hot and i make sure of that…sumtimes wen im not in the mood of makin food i tell him the night before so he pickes a take away on his way home…
and even tho he’s tired he always helps me out with the house chores but i tell him to rest or lie down instead…
thing is im working full time too… but i always the food ready in h hour before he gets home…i have exams to revise for too but i still manage the food and the cleaning…he always helps here and there which makes my work easier…
You need to give your hubby a little time to unwind when he comes home. Some guys really need that. Its not that he is selfish or self centered or love cricket more than you.
Another thing, when a guy is quite, dont talk to him too much or ask him what is wrong, Unlike girls (who when quite expect someone to take notice and ask), guys when they are quite, they really want to be that way for a while. I am not saying that guys are better than girls in this way, I am just telling you their nature
I know, cooking while preganant might be difficult but sometime we all have to do things which are not convenient
I suggest, read this book "5 love langauges". Find out the love language of your husband (and he needs to find yours). His love language may not be "quality time", it might be "act of service". The other three are "Physical Touch", "words of affirmation" and "receiving gifts"
wow......where can i get this book from?....wots a girls love language then?
some females are pregnant and still working like robots, read our DD blog and u will see a real hard working female
and there are some who get tied to bed the second they find out that they are pregnant.
I remember cleaning the house when my labor started and it wasnt time to go the hopsital as i wanted a clean house to come back to.
there are females working fulltime and then come home, do thee cooking & taking care of kids on weekends do othe chores. so how tired can a man be that he cannot help at home, i undestand if he is a construction worker and does manual work, then he wants to rest first, but not those types who are office workers.
and i cannot understand a home stay woman that she has no time! that she needs daily help of her husband who is working fulltime and cannot
finish dinner on time.
wow......where can i get this book from?....wots a girls love language then?
Its for both spouse to read and find each others love language. Very good book. By reading this book, you can even pinpoint your own love language
Sometime when we try to show our love to our spouse, cause we dont know their love language, we speak our love language to them, and they dont get the message.
Example, if your love language is physical touch, you will speak that language to your hubby. He is back from work and you want to cuddle with him on the couch, he is depresses and you want to put his head on your shoulder.
What of his love language is "word of affirmation" and all he want for you to let him know that everything is going to be OK, in those words, without too much cuddlling.
My love language is "quality time", my wife's love language is "act of service". As soon as I used to enter the house, she used to take my shoes off, take my jacket from my hands, run to the kitchen and put a teapot and what not and that used to bother me (cause that was not my language).
later she realized that all I want for her is to sit with me, I dont need 3 course dinner or high tea or polished shoes. I can do that myself. I just need her to be with me
That was a real example I gave you. Reading that book really helped us
