Recently I have been to/heard about quite a few weddings where the persons brothers/sisters havn’t been able to attend, usually due to living in different countries. But to me it seems really strange! I understand if it is a serious matter and they can’t attend for important reasons, but in most of these cases if they had really wanted to all be there, they could have rearranged the date slightly, or taken time off work but just didn’t. For example, one of my friends got married at the end of last year, and her brother works abroad and didn’t come to the wedding. They could have delayed the wedding by a few months, but chose not to, and now she has moved to a different country too! Her brother called whilst she was getting ready, and poor girl was crying her eyes out.
Are there really other things way more important than being there for your siblings on really important occasions? Or is it just one of those things that people just think ah well?
It all depends on the situation. In some cases the wedding just can't be postponed and a sibling just can't get off from work.
There's so many things going on during a wedding, things that can be controlled and others that can't.
I also know of a case where the brother went abroad a few months before his sister's wedding. The in-laws wanted to have a wedding within a certain time. The brother could not come to her wedding and he also called when it was time for her rukhsati and she cried a lot, but there was nothing she or her brother could do about it. Majbooriyan!
IMO, I think most of us would do all they can to be able to attend their siblings' wedding. If, for any reason, that's not possible.. it's not the end of the world.
^ like she said, almost everyone wants to be there for the siblings especially for important events of their life such as weddings but if someone's studying or working and can't get time off and can't get around it then it's understandable.
If possible, perhaps the best way to do is to hold the event at a time when everyone can make it such as december holidays etc., but if that's not possible then ... oh well you can't have everything. It just doesn't mean your siblings aren't important enough but you can't risk the chance of losing your job or failing a class for it either.
i remember when my mamoon got married, and my mom couldnt have gone back to pakistan, and we were all so hurt for not being able to go back for his shaadi, he's the youngest brother and a very special mamoon too us too, but at the time travelling out of the country wasnt premitted by the visa, cause mom was studying ...its not my mom and mamoon arent close...its just that the circumstances didnt allow us to make it to his shaadi.
**how about one very genuine reason for those siblings living in far off countries like the US, Australia, Europe, Africa etc who may have financial hardships or some tight situation they may be in? people back home have this notion that money grows on the trees in foreign lands. their expectations are ridiculously and unreasonably much higher. everyone living abroad knows that its not the case. for a family of three to travel to India/Pakistan to attend weddings can cost as much as $10,000 easily PLUS the gifts for the bride and the bridegroom can easily run into another $10,000 and top of that gifts for the entire clan may cost $5000.
so, the poor guy may be out of $25,000 just to attend the wedding of just one sibling. how many of us living abroad can shell out this kinda money and not feel the pinch?
to avoid embarrassments, people make hordes of excuses. in a way, our social system forces them to lie. :(**
I think most of the time when this happens the ppl in question just aren't able to take time off work, not that they don't want to.. Also, the money issue..
My sister got married in Pakistan. None of us siblings went to the wedding (there is 5 of us) and my Mum also didn't go. It was just her and my Dad. Ofcourse we wanted to be there but sometimes things just don't work out
We just make wedding a huge deal when it really is NOT.
We spend thousands as if no tomorrow and if it is easy for someone to attend fine, but for few hours of ocassion spending so much collectively is plain and simple absurd.
Brother is flying, people taking off work from abroad, chacha is coming from another country, mamoon from other. Famly is driving to airport every day to pick them up. Hotels are being booked.
For what?
Two individuals are finding 'legitimate reason' to spend nights together for the rest of their lives. Great! They could do that with four witnessed in a Masjid right?
Why need an army of people?
It seems thousands are spent to make sure they spend the night together and do the deed, with their blessed presence in close vicinty. :D
**how about one very genuine reason for those siblings living in far off countries like the US, Australia, Europe, Africa etc who may have financial hardships or some tight situation they may be in? people back home have this notion that money grows on the trees in foreign lands. their expectations are ridiculously and unreasonably much higher. everyone living abroad knows that its not the case. for a family of three to travel to India/Pakistan to attend weddings can cost as much as $10,000 easily PLUS the gifts for the bride and the bridegroom can easily run into another $10,000 and top of that gifts for the entire clan may cost $5000.
so, the poor guy may be out of $25,000 just to attend the wedding of just one sibling. how many of us living abroad can shell out this kinda money and not feel the pinch?
to avoid embarrassments, people make hordes of excuses. in a way, our social system forces them to lie. :(**
totally agreed.
kisi ko bulana hai tou ek-do daffa kaho...peeche mat par jao...agar woh banda/bandi na asakay tou us ke baaray main ghalat rai qayam na ker lo balke samajhne ki koshish karo ke uski koi majboori hosakti hai. agar us bande/bandi ke ane ki itni hi fikar hai tou apni shaadi/event uski convenience ke hisaab se rakho.
i have 3 siblings and i did not attend twos wedding. i feel very sad but the one siblings wedding i attended was made so painful by my inlaws roktok that i decided to not make my parents miserable. i was out of pakistan so it was easy to make excuse. but only in my heart i know the pain. sobs.
but this happened AGES ago too. lots of water under bridge.
I don't get the big deal to be honest...its such a waste of money...people are self obsessed about their clothes and the decor....there is no need to spend so much money on a wedding....all u need in a nikkah and you are good to go....my brother is getting married in February inshallah and my mum said maybe my dad and him can go as we are only having a simple nikkah at home...
Ohh come on guys its not about how much money the couple spend, its more about celebrating their love with their loved once ofcourse its a BIG BIG day for the couple and whats wrong with that they want their siblings or any other family members to share the big day with them and party all night until u fall dead hehe. Its not like u get married everyday.
I was pregnant with my first child when my only sister's wedding was fixed. She was going to change the dates until after my baby was born but then all her husbands siblings who live in different countries wouldn't have been able to make it. She was still going to wait but I asked her to go ahead and get married as I couldn't be completely sure how and when after my delivery would I be actually able to travel given that I was also working at the time and was going to be on maternity and would have to join work after 6 weeks....
So, she got married and alhamdullilah, we are all happy. Yeah I didn't attend my sister's wedding but we don't have any grudges or ill feelings or regrets.
My husband was also unable to attend one of his siblings' wedding because it was arranged in a matter of days and he couldn't leave the country. Their relationship hasn't suffered because of that either.
While we all try, things aren't always as we want them to be. Life does come in the way.
Inviting and expecting attendance from everyone close is sweet and commendable but people need to realize important matters like following sunnah and getting two individuals go about their lives together should not be delayed for anyone as long as some members of family and witnesses are there.
This lavish spending on marriage ceremony and **going wild and crazy **needs to be stopped, but that is another topic.
