For those of you with children (however old they may be), or planning on having children in the future, have you started planning for the wedding trousseau for your daugther(s)? What about the gifts for your daughter in law(s)?
This includes clothing (I would assume unstitched because of sizing issues), watches, etc, but mainly jewelry since that is the most expensive items. Same for the ones who extend the gifts to the inlaws as well.
I know many people start “saving” this type of stuff from an early age so they don’t have to do it at once later on. Any of you already doing it? And if so, how are you doing it ?
I have a boy...so I may put a few things away for my DIL at some point but am I concerned about jewelry? Not really. I'd rather give my son and his wife cash to do something with...like buy a house or pay off their student debts.
I have a few heirloom pieces I will gift her if I do not have a daughter though. Let's see.
but a college fund doesn't have anything to do with wedding "gifts" and expenses
Presumably the debt free college graduate will help their parents with the expenses for their own wedding.
Also only gold is the most important aspect that works longterm. No one wants old fashioned clothing even from a year ago so it would be a complete waste to start planning fabrics for a child now.
Also only gold is the most important aspect that works longterm. No one wants old fashioned clothing even from a year ago so it would be a complete waste to start planning fabrics for a child now.
100% agree with the clothing/fabric part. Even with gold....the mindset is changing. I rarely wear the gold sets I was given b/c they're old-fashioned; my SIL is the same. When going to desi events, I have more modern fake sets that match with my outfits.
I'm in my mid-30's and I know plenty of people my age who don't consider gold an "investment". They would rather set up a college or life insurance fund for their children. We have several friends whose parents gave them large sums of cash to use as downpayment for their house. And I know several women who wished their parents would have paid off their graduate school debt (100K+ debt for medical school or debt for law school/MBA etc.) instead of spending thousands of dollars on buying gold sets they rarely wear.
but the gold, even a few items/sets I think would still be, not necessarily required, but, at the end of the day, we are desi, and it's such a huge deal.
I totally agree with using that money towards loans/homes etc, it's a much better investment, as gold is definitely not.
but a necklace set here and there, or a set of churiya, in my opinion, would still be desirable.. no ?
my friend recently got married, her parents spent over $40k on a 2-day traditional punjabi wedding (just the wedding, not the trousseau etc, the wedding and the photographer/venue etc). she also got loads of gold jewelry from her parents that she said herself will never touch but keep in a safe somewhere, she doesnt even like jewelry !!! that money would have been so much better spent on future expenses in my opinion.
another friend of mine is currently wedding shopping, and is already estimating to pay $30k for the venue alone !!! never mind the other stuff.. ridiculous - again, just my opinion.
so saving for a trousseau, a thing of the past huh ?
but a college fund doesn't have anything to do with wedding "gifts" and expenses
So my husband and I have a little different of a thought process. Our wedding was simple. My Nikah was in my parents' home. The Valima consisted of a dinner he cooked in his own home. There were no gifts exchanged between families as they had been forbidden by both of us. My MIL still managed to sneak in a few things without telling him though. He gave me my rings and my meher. I gave him his wedding band. That was it.
It was so hard to curb everyone's expectations and keep this under control because weddings are a time of fun and money is spent with the intentions of celebrating.
We have a similar desire for our kid's wedding. If he wants to have a lavish wedding, I want him to pay for something equally lavish for someone else. If he wants us to pay for his wedding or help then it has to be on our terms and our terms are: simple.
If he finds people who consider this a deal breaker then it forces one to evaluate the union in the first place.
This is not to say we didn't have fun though...we had a mehendi the night before (on Valentine's Day) at my parents' home and it was amazing. This had more to do with just spending time with people who we liked and wanted to see. So our guest list was small and our biggest expense was the food...we catered the food because I didn't want anyone cooking. That was it.
Of course there is nothing wrong with giving a few items. But why does anyone need to start buying stuff years before the wedding without getting any input from the bride?
Every bride has heirlooms/their own jewelry that they can save for the daughter/future bahu. But for new items…why not wait until the daughter is at least in high school or college aged and buy stuff taking into account the daughter’s taste? As for bahu’s…why not save the money and once the baat pakki is done, then ask the bahu for her likes/dislikes in jewelry before purchasing it?
Frankly, unless a couple is super wealthy and can manage to save for their own retirement, emergency savings, kids college expenses, AND wedding all at the same time…I think it’s selfish to make the wedding priority #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) . It’s sad to see parents spend 100K+ on wedding stuff but a few years later, they can’t afford to live without getting financial support from their adult children OR the kids are still left to pay thousands of dollars in education debt.
yeah it would make sense then to hold off on jewelry to input the person on the receiving end's likes.. but you can still save $$ for those expenses right? I'm just trying to figure out a way to save up that $$ beforehand so its not all required at once, when said time comes for the wedding
So my husband and I have a little different of a thought process. Our wedding was simple. My Nikah was in my parents' home. The Valima consisted of a dinner he cooked in his own home. There were no gifts exchanged between families as they had been forbidden by both of us. My MIL still managed to sneak in a few things without telling him though. He gave me my rings and my meher. I gave him his wedding band. That was it.
We have a similar desire for our kid's wedding. If he wants to have a lavish wedding, I want him to pay for something equally lavish for someone else. If he wants us to pay for his wedding or help then it has to be on our terms and our terms are: simple.
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you and your husband, are verrrrry similar to me and mine.. we had the nikah at home with immediate family only, and had a combination of my mom's cooked food and catering (around 12 people total).
and then we had a "reception" a few months later, very small, less than 100 guests. a few gifts exchanged for ex, a jora for the girls, cologne for the men, and that was it. neither side had any demands as it wasn't necessary.. it was more about the union, and less about the sho-sha
for our future children iA, my husband said the same you guys agreed upon.. to have a simple wedding for them as well... we instead, saved up alot of money to buy household items such as furniture, bedding and dishes etc etc. we have zero regrets and im very happy with what we did alhumdulilah
I think it is good to have varied investments to save for future expenses like shadi, college, and help in buying home or anything else. Some people give the gold sets they have to their daughters. Buying gold bars is a good idea, I think.
Also I think if your able, invest in real estate here or plot in pakistan. Many family members have sold land investments for use in big expenses.
I have a 15 month old daughter and I've started a couple of diffrent savings account for her, one for a car, one for school and one for her wedding. I've also started buy jewellery for her. She has quite a bit of jewellery already.
saving some gold sets for weddings. Otherwise, I expect them to pay for their college education and weddings. I will buy them their 1st car (used). But my kids are only 15 months so maybe I will change my mind
