Friends, I am not very accustomed to Pakistani culture and marriages hence got a few questions for my cousins wedding , will really appreciate your feedback:
The girls family usually gifts the groom, his parents, his siblings, his other relatives on the wedding day… does the groom’s family gift them back to the girls family on the wedding day?
After the walima, I have heard the girls family invites the new couple to their home and then after a few days the groom’s parents visit the girls parents and take the couple back to their place , i dnt know what the rasm is called … please shed some light on it … is that rasm a must? how do we go about doing it etc …
I the groom’s family brings about 100 guests at the wedding function, and the girls family brings around only 8 guests for the walima, is that going to look awful? girls parents are settled abroad , and the relatives arent on speaking terms .. so there are but no more then 10 people thy can invite … family friends tell us it wont look good at all .. your thoughts please …
Well about the girls' family having the new couple over after the walima, I believe its called the makhlawa. Some people do it as breakfast and some do it as dinner. Ive never seen one where the couple will actually stay in the girl's family house and the guys' family comes to get them a few days later, Ive only been to ones where they come and eat and then go back same then, and both the family from the girl's side and guy's side are invited
For the gifts, I think in some families the whole gift thing is very strict, like they "expect" to get gifts for this aunt and that uncle etc...I dont know much about it, but I believe gifts should be given because you want to give them and are giving them from the happiness of your heart, not because you feel obliged to give them due to a rasm. So whether its the girl side or the guy side, they should all give what they want and what they can afford, without worrying about making show
For the guests, well if they dont know anyone else to invite them there isnt much they can do is there. They can try to invite the relatives, maybe it will be a good chance for them to make amends and reunite. If not, then maybe they can bring friends. And if not, then just go with the 10 people you have. Anyways, its quality not quantity that counts, as long as the people there care for the couple and wish them happiness then doesnt matter if there are two people or two hundred
Wedding rituals r different in different families..................as in our inlaws both families gift each other.There is no restrictation about nos of guests in barat or walima it is totally depend upon both families mutual understanding. After walima girls side invites newly wed couple and their immediate relatives like parents,siters ,brothers etc and they take the bride back to their palace and after few days groom side invite brides parents and close family members.
Congratulations and may Allah give you a prosperous and healthy married life. :)
I've only been to weddings in England when I was a little girl in the '80s, I don't remember much and we never got to watch the entire ceremony. By the time I was 18 and married off to my cousin in 1995, I still didn't know everything about shaadi. People around me were doing this and that and telling me to do that and this, I just obeyed my parents and cousins and Aunties and other than that, I had no idea what I was getting in to.
Perhaps you could try watching some wedding vids, although the once I watched were all different, people seem to choose which wedding rituals they will use and in which order, that's the impression I got from wedding videos anyway.
Most important is that the nikkah nama is done well and that your marriage will be happy insha Allah.
I agree with @midnighteyes , its different for most families.
I remember going back to my parents house for lunch the day after the Valima along with my inlaws but then we came back to my in-laws house for the next few days till we left for our honeymoon. The gifts situation also varys from family to family …if one side is unsure of whats expected of them then I would suggest asking and finding out before hand, rather then making the other side unhappy on the day of.
As for the number of guests, I think in this day and age with friends and familes being spread all over the world, its understndable when the numbers arent always balanced but it is what it is …I dont think its something to be worried about … I completely agree with the fact that
“its quality not quantity that counts, as long as the people there care for the couple and wish them happiness then doesnt matter if there are two people or two hundred”