Do Pakistani shaadis normally have wedding gift registries? What was the ‘riwaaj’ fifty years ago when a guest attended someone’s wedding in Pakistan? What was the conventional gift to give someone?
Is it just me or does this idea turn anyone else off? i don’t know. i can’t expect having the expectation that everyone at my shaadi has to buy a gift from a made-up list of stores and suggested products, because invariably you will have people who won’t be able to afford the high-priced items anyways. i know this happened in another Pakistani community i used to live in… one Auntie who was not so financially stable, was late in going to the store * to check out the wedding gift registry. Ended up, she had to buy something - the only gift left on the list - which was way over her budget. i knew her family well, i knew they didn’t have the financial resources to be able to pay for it - laykin kia moonh lay kar jateen to the shaadi if she didn’t have the ‘right’ type of gift?
From then onwards, i didn’t like the idea. Maybe i’m a freak, but honestly - the idea revolts me um even though i have had people in my close family who had it done. So maybe it’s just me? i loathe the idea though. This is a first-hand source, i know of one incident where after the shaadi, the groom&bride and close family members all sat around and opened everyone’s gifts. The ones who didn’t bring expensive gifts, were mocked at. How stupid is that ? At least they took the time to give you a freaking gift, when infact they should have chucked it at your head aiming for the large gap where your brain should have been.
Is this concept of having a wedding gift registry something relatively new amongst Pakistani families?
Edit: oops sorry, Fraudz already has a thread like this open in this forum :o :o*
a. why not buy what the couple wants.. your spending the money this is a sure shot way that you wont be wasting it and they will like what you bought. It makes shopping 1000 times easier.
b. Bride and groom should be thankful for whatever they get.. its the thought that counts.
I think it's a pretty good idea...Young couples starting out on the first days of their lives need all the help they can get, specially if they are moving to a house of their own...They would know what they need and put it down to whoever can buy them...
And it's not like you HAVE to buy what's on the list, it's just that there is a list, we need these items, appreciate it if you get it for us...Otherwise, no probs...
Another thing which is good is that it takes the hassle out of choosing what one should buy...There is a list, choose what you feel like buying...
But I do agree, it takes the, how would I put it, spontaneity out of the whole 'gift' idea...It's like, hey, bring us that or this...
Someone I know had an Aqeeqa and sent an email to all the people he knew saying, MashAllah, we have had a son, blah blah, and at the end of the email in brackets was (Gift registry at the Babies 'r' us store in falan falan place)...:D
Muniya, A very rational response :k: It is the thought that counts, but sadly - i have rarely seen this nowadays.
And it’s not like you HAVE to buy what’s on the list, it’s just that there is a list, we need these items, appreciate it if you get it for us…Otherwise, no probs…<< Lajawab, i agree. However, the family i am referring to - it was made pretty clear that this is a list, please get us gifts from this list. It just seemed so - artificial to me. i mean, Alhamdulillah, that family was financially stable, unnko tau koi parwa nahin thi. But what about families like the Aunty i mentioned above? She had two young kids; except for her husband, no one else was earning in her family. And the husband owned a gas station, used to run it all by himself morning to night. And they ended up buying the most expensive gift
It is the thought that counts…but unfortunately amongst too many individuals i know personally, that’s become more of a cliche.
i dunno, i just don’t like the idea at all. Gifts may be a a necessity for young couples, true, laykin eik saleeqa bhi hota hai. Don’t pick out the most expensive store in town and thrust a registry in your guests’ faces demanding that they get the gift, and when you get less-expensive gifts, don’t go around mocking it in peoples’ faces. It’s backbiting.
Nadia no pakistani shadiz in pak dont have gift registries
tho in the west most ppl do registry from what i've seen
lekin in pak yah the close relatives [like chachas n mamas of the girl] know what is needed n usually all pool in for the jahez...like one chacha will give washing machine, one will give furnitutre set...so on...i think the customs might be different in different families n social circles n classes...but this is how i have seen it...
i'll agree with Muniya i think registry is a double edged sword :D advtgs + disadvtgs both...
n also u dont have to give something thru the registry, u can choose to give ur own gift no?
Nadia.. the scenario you explained in your first post, appears a short-coming of the person(s) who set up the registry.
There are a few written/unwritten rules of setting a gift registry.
First one is have so many items in there so that all the guests have choices (and no one is stuck with only one item left there).
And secondly, to have a broad range of items in the registry. That means that those who are close to you and can afford can pick up a more expensive item, and those who do not wish to can select a less-expensive gift.
If they follow these simple rules, the couple gets what they actually wanted and there are no gifts which are duplicated and hence the couple does not have to go back and return/exchange items (always a hassle).
Having said that, in Pakistan, even now a days, it is a hit or miss thing. We get so many gifts for wedding and they stay in boxes because the couple has no use for them. Slowly and gradually, the couple will probably re-gift them on. Many people, on the other hand, resort to salami (cash) only. Some give both. Salami is always a safe bet, cz the couple can always do with some extra cash.
The registery is a list of gift options and choice to help guide guests in choosing a gift it is NOT a requirement and even in gora/amreeki weddings etiquette says that the gift registery is certainly optional...and no bride/groom should expect gifts only from the registery.
I loved the registry..and my hometown community uses it alot and it's totally fine. My sister in law was really surprised that we used the registery and had one at Macys she kept telling us to do one at Target (my mom thought there was no need) because desi won't shop at macys...however my hometown peeps...bought a ton off the register AND I made sure there were many many options no there in many many price ranges... actually i even went back a month before the shadi and put more 20-30 dollar items were on there so that people had more options. I had friends/family give gifts from other stores, the same store but something they liked more and they also gave money. It isn't a big deal....
I also know that with Macys my husband and I changed our mind on the colors we wanted and we returned them and exchanged items for what we wanted...
My mom loves registeries too because she always felt bad that the bride would get dishes/household items that might not match so she would end up telling the mother she got the gift from so-so store so if they wanted to exchange it to get matching items..they could. for my mom registers are perfect, you know how muhc you want to spend and you buy what you need.
As for mocking gifts...na shukur and snootiness has nothing to do with registeries..and everything to do with the type of people they are AND if they got cheap gifts perhaps they are cheap... either way...a gift is a gift..and the thought is what counts.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
I think you can look at this two ways...
a. why not buy what the couple wants.. your spending the money this is a sure shot way that you wont be wasting it and they will like what you bought. It makes shopping 1000 times easier.
b. Bride and groom should be thankful for whatever they get.. its the thought that counts.
[/QUOTE]
Muniya
I agree with the first one. completely
as far as the second one goes...the thought does count, but you just look at some things and wonder what kind of thought were they a result of.
I would rather just tell people, no gifts..period. no takkaluf. Thank you
At least they took the time to give you a freaking gift, when infact they should have chucked it at your head aiming for the large gap where your brain should have been.
I guess great minds do think alike