I am getting engaged in a few weeks, both the families now have to decide when the wedding will take place. The thing is my family is based in the states and his family (brother, sister & mother) are outside the states. His family wants the wedding to be held during the first week of june 2009 but there are two weddings taking place in june during the first two weeks and they are family friends of ours. Now i am fine with having less people at the wedding but one i think its rude to have my wedding during the same week as one of our family friends daughter (we have not known them long enough but they are still friends of ours) and i dont want to have a rush wedding and run through the mayun & mehndi as it will clash with the other events for the other weddings! His family says that they are unable to take any other time off other than june but i do not want to have my wedding taking place. We have given them additional time frames which work for our family but his mom is like it would be better if it was held during june, how do i approach this in a way as not to disrespect them but still get the point through that we cant have it in june…
Re: Wedding date dilemma
Well, i thought i was the only soul to have problems with the wedding date...First, i understand how frustrating it gets not to be "heard" by your in-laws-to-be. While they have their own concerns, you have your own and equally have the right to voice them. You have pointed out exactly where the danger lies.i.e. in telling that u can't hold the wedding in June, they would take offense and associate disrespect/ego/larka-walay factor and god knows what...The "larka-walay" factor is somethign that i detest the most when it makes in-laws feel they have it as their birth-right (being parents to a son) to get their wishes held above the girl's family.
Well, there could be so many possible alternative time frames if your in-laws want to understand, and that is basically where it all ends--"if they WANT to". So, i suggest since you have just raised your concerns once, give another try to it. I & you know shifting the month from June to July or plus a few weeks may be very much possible, but only if they can understand this as well.
Would they take it as disrespect? Yes/No...my guess would be a "yes". But you really can't help on that! Either you console yourself and take their dates or voice your issues (nicely) and let not think too much about how they would take it. Approach them again cordially and feel their vibe on it (again). I think they don't find another wedding coninciding with yours valid enough a reason to not hold it in June. Could there be anything else that may seem more genuine to them? Think over it.
thanks for your reply! it helps to know im not the only one!
we have given them several other dates/months where it could work, the excuse is that it would be difficult for the brother to get time off other than august, (i find that hard to believe if you request a year in advance that things cant be moved around...) i know there is give and take during the decisions but they have to choose the date on which there is a wedding taking place in the same city??? it will be the case that the community will be split in attending the events, plus the family whos daughter will be getting married in june already told us a year in advance not to keep any event during that time as its their daughters wedding!! now it will be so rude if we all of a sudden say, uh no we are taking this date too....
im willing to wait till 2010 as well if 'June" is the onlyyyyyy month out of the whole freaking year!!!!! but i dont want to rush through any of my events just cuz...
can anyone tell me a approach or way of telling them politely that june just wont work...thanksssssssssssss
Re: Wedding date dilemma
It seems they don't care if ur wedding is on the same day as one of your family friend's wedding...regardless of your telling them why June isn't appropriate for you. I don't understand why you need to fix the date a full year in advance? Are they talking about June 2009? I find their excuse just so not reasonable! It doesn't occur to me how the brother can't flex his leave from work!
Can u think of a different reason altogether for not holding the wedding in June, apart from the fact that it would clash with another wedding?
Re: Wedding date dilemma
I thought I was the only one having trouble with the wedding date… haha..
My family is in the US, some in Canada, fiance is in US, parents in Dubai, the rest of our families in Pakistan. Its such a hassle trying to match up people’s schedules and vacations. It looks impossible. Anyway, finally we figured January would be good but turns out muharrum is in January! lol … Back to square one! 
lol mine is the same situation YP, ! its frustrating to coordinate the dates, but im not about to just "give" in to a date, if there was a valid reason then it would be ok but a YEAR in advance is not enough time to change vacation schedules, which employer do you know dictates when to take vacation??? how do i mention that point in a ahem more polite manner? (though i am getting to the point of saying, uh huh....you think i was born yesterday and dont know vacation schedules???) :D
Re: Wedding date dilemma
^ Haha.. Well, I have to coordinate 3 people’s school vacation, another one will be having exams when the first 3 have vacation, Muharam is in January, one’s company project starts and he won’t be able to take time off, another is in the middle of switching jobs so vacation will be tricky at the new job, 2 people are moving and I have to go back to school end of January. Sigh… shoot me now:rolleyes:
whimper
aqualand..tell them striaght up how u feel..that htey should take your interests and feelings into consideration..if htey dont give a damn about ur n ur family now what will they do later on int eh future?..ur mil sounds really bossy and domineering to me..god help you!..
yes you are right :) i need to tell them again that out of the entire year, the week they have chosen does not work for us, my mil isnt all in "attack mode" but she sometimes seems like she is in lala land...so im guessing she needs a yank down to planet earth hehe ;)
thanks to all you guppies!!! it helps a lot knowing how others see this situation!
and YP, i hope everything works out all well in the end inshaAllah!
Re: Wedding date dilemma
Just as a simple advice...try not to make it an issue...seriously nowadays people get upset over little issues. So if you can just go with the flow, perhaps they will come up with a solution themselves!
Re: Wedding date dilemma
Thanks aqualand! 
Re: Wedding date dilemma
Is there any reason why your In-Laws wan't the wedding to be held in June?
btw: I love the way you all go in to defensive mode and quickly blame the In-Laws for being unreasonable in their selection of dates.
Just like you guys have specific dates in mind... they do as well.
:) well we have given them several dates/months next year and mentioned that the few weeks in june wont be good, yet it came back that they liked that week cuz of vacation schedules....
if i came off as being defensive and blaming the in laws, that wasnt my intention, i just wanted to get an opinion from you guys....would you be ok with a wedding where 3 people could come yet the rest of your friends/family could not? thats not the main point though, i just think that their excuse of having "strict" vacation time is strecthed out too thin....
Re: Wedding date dilemma
I'm sorry, didn't mean to make out that you were being unreasonable.
I'm just sick of a lot of people on this website who are always moaning about mother-in-laws/sister-in-laws etc...
Being the only sister of a load of married brothers, being on the other side, it's actually quite irritating to read it all.
Re: Wedding date dilemma
^ Agreed.
Its quite sickening. But thats how most women get a good night's sleep -- Playing the blame game. Sad.