Wearing tights with dresses

[RaniPakistani]

Re: Wearing tights with dresses

Thanks for all your input guys..it’s really helping me try and see things from other perspectives.

@Princess121

Hmm.. Tricky situation.. Perhaps if you changed your perspective and decided that this issue is too trivial to cause arguments / a break up, and so went along with not wearing tights just for that sake..? You don’t need to make a giant solemn promise or anything

I knowwww it’s such a trivial issue and that’s why it’s all the more frustrating that we fight about it. Alhumdulillah we’ve been together for like 6 years and no major fights, we get along amazingly…for some reason this sole issue has really started to cause a lot of friction lately. He wants me to promise not to wear them anymore because he doesn’t like them…but I don’t want to make a promise that I’m not sure I’m going to keep or have it be something I’m going to be frustrated/resentful about later on. I have to WANT it as well.

@Enigmatic

skinny jeans pretty much show ones curves and figures too. So I don’t know what’s wrong with not wearing tights only

I agree..not that I want him to start objecting to me wearing skinny jeans as well…but I don’t understand why he doesn’t mind skinnies but finds leggings so offensive. He explains that “skinny jeans are at least thicker..they have their own texture so they don’t show off the true form of your leg as much as leggings do”..which I doesn’t really justify it in my eyes.

@Deeba1234

But wouldnt you also be thinking that works both ways ie why is he making an issue out of something trivial? (Esp seeing as tho it’s him instigating the arguments rather than just leaving her be)..

OP, did he know you dressed this way sometimes before he agreed to marry you?

Yeah, agreed with your first point there as well.

When he first got to know me I was a tomboy so this issue never even came up. But then I started to wear leggings with dresses every now and then and he didn’t say anything about it. But in the last few years, since we’ve gotten our families involved and have gotten engaged, that’s when he’s gotten a lot more stingy. So yes, he knows what he was getting into but see we get along soooooooooo well, this is really a minor issue that we’ve turned into a major one for some stupid reason.

I think his major concern is his parents or someone in the community seeing me like that and making negative judgments. But I have no intention of them even seeing me wear something like that as it is. I don’t see why sometimes wearing skirts to work or out with friends needs to be this big issue of my morality or modesty.

@Princess121

^ But we’re not talking to him, we’re talking to her And as much as we can talk about who’s fault it is, I think we have to look at the bigger picture which is her relationship and upcoming marriage. There are many reasons to end a relationship, for heaven’s sake this isn’t one.

Definitely, this is not a reason to end a relationship. I suppose his fear is that he doesn’t want his family to see me wearing things like that because it may have a negative connotation to them. But I have no intention of ever letting them see me like that anyway. Again, it’s not something I do that often. But my fear is that I don’t want this to become a trend in our relationship..that if we disagree I am the one that needs to relent.

@PinkOrchids

My parents have the same issue with my leggings, I don’t wear tights as I feel its see-through - at times.

I love dressing in leggings and dresses it makes me feel feminine - I wouldn’t give it up for them or well anyone else.

If you don’t wear it that often - then you could always wear jeggings ( jeans/leggings) with your dresses.

If all else fails you could wear black trousers under them - or skinny black trousers - or make black chudhar and wear that.

Hope it doesn’t effect your confidence or your marriage - all the best x

Thanks for the advice, hun.

@Deeba1234

I am looking at the bigger picture. Of course in itself it’s not a reason to end a relationship but isn’t it likely if he’s making a fuss over this he’s also going to be making a fuss over a million other ‘minor’ things? We hear from girls in Life 1 all the time who’ve been told they can’t do this or do that, it’s hardly ever an isolated incident, that’s why I’d say rather than just being the one who feels she must sacrifice why not compromise and meet him in the middle somehow? If he’s like this whilst he’s just engaged to her I would bet my house he will be a million times stricter after marriage (and really if it’s such an issue to him why did he agree to marry her in the first place - if he knew)..

@Sara516

but then why is HE making such a big deal about it then since its only once a month?

We could go round and round in circles cz of this, but chances are, the girls’ going to give in because that’s what always happens.

and you know what, if he just left it at that, it wouldn’t be a big deal…and could be compromised on–but what if he starts restricting other things too? she can’t wear jeans, she has to wear an abaya only, she ca’t meet these friends she can’t do this or that. controlling behavior usually starts like this.

Again, he did know what he was getting into. And no, he is not the type who is going to lock me down or anything after marriage. But he IS protective..and it’s like whereas right now I have the ability to argue my point I worry that after marriage he will expect me to just agree with him. I don’t want to set that kind of precedent. Which is why I’ve held my ground on this issue.

@apples

If its something you only wear once/twice a month, what’s the big deal? It would be different if you wore them on a regular basis, but is it really worth having an arguments over this?

That’s my thought on it…but he disagrees of course.

@ZareenKhan

Well you can make tights look vulgar and you can do the same with shalwar kameez too. So it depends! Otherwise i don’t see anything wrong with tights worn with dresses when they are of a good length covering the hips area.

However i don’t see the logic some of you are trying to bring in by saying she is gonna wear it only once or twice? how does that matter? If its an unappropriate piece of clothing, whether you wear it once or all the time that won’t make it less unappropriate.

RP. You need to discuss with your fiance that he can’t just tell you not to wear something if there is nothing wrong with it. He should be open to your take on it too and at the same time you should keep a note of his likings and dislikings too.

Yes, I’ve reduced how often I wear it…maybe once every 3-4 months now. But it’s difficult for me to promise to stop wearing it outside FOREVER. Which is why the issue continues.

@stoppit

^They both show the shape of the leg.

IMO opaque tights or leggings with a knee length or below dress are less ‘revealing’ than skinny jeans with a regular top, or even hip covering top because the whole shape of the leg is still on display as opposed to just the lower part.

I completely agree with you here. Somehow he doesn’t see this logic.

@Princess121

As a side thought, if my husband absolutely DETESTED with capital letters a particular style of clothing, I would stop wearing it simply to please him. And no, that doesn’t make me a feminist traitor or an oppressed wife or the victim of a controlling husband. There are bigger issues to fight battles for. In this case, it’s just about being flexible. Similarly if I hated seeing my husband dressed a certain way I would damn right tell him so and I doubt the guy would carry on dressing like that. A little give and take.

Good point..

@Princess121

I still think it’s a trivial issue. I doubt one incident is reflective of a controlling husband, only the OP would be able to say whether there are other times she feels he’s inflexible. He’s ok with skinny jeans, so I don’t think he’s going to enforce a burqa on her any time soon. I bet he agreed to marry her for good qualities that he saw in her, and this just seems to be a personal preference on his side that he doesn’t like tights or leggings. Ok, so you might find it weird but so what? Give the guy a chance.

Thanks for that. Indeed he is an amazing guy, and I’m not just saying that. I have never met anyone as intelligent, kindhearted, generous, or respectful as him. He is not the type to force burqa upon me or lock me in the house or anything like that. He just has this particular preference and I’ve let it become an issue between us. I’m just a very logical person so if I don’t understand the rationale behind something, it gets difficult for me to wrap my head around it and agree with it. When I come to an agreement, I have to be in it wholeheartedly. If I do it ONLY because he said so, I know I’m going to be resentful. In the past I have tried to stop wearing leggings for nearly a year at a time..but then it just ends with me getting frustrated and resentful.

Thanks for your comments everyone. I’m really trying hard to be openminded. It’s not an issue that’s worth wrecking our wonderful relationship and if it really means that much to him, I’m going to try to be supportive of that. But I’m also going to try and see if I can work some compromise out that is satisfactory for both of us. Reading your comments makes me feel better that at least I’m not CRAZY for trying to stand up for myself in this case. But I guess it comes down to the question of whether it’s worth continuing to make this a big issue. Thanks for sharing your perspective. It’s given me a lot to think about