My fiance absolutely DETESTS tights and leggings with short (like knee-length) skirts and dresses. He thinks they are immodest and he wants it so that I never wear them again (however, he doesn’t mind skinny jeans). It is difficult for me to promise to never wear them again. I wear them pretty rarely…like once in a while at work, or sometimes when I go hang out with my girlfriends, but it’s enough that somehow it’s turned into a major issue between us. I don’t want him to be unhappy with the way that I dress, but I find it difficult to make this change without wanting it myself wholeheartedly. We fight about it a lot now, and it’s really upsetting me. I only dress like this like once every month or two.
I just wanted to get an honest opinion from some fellow girls…I think tights can be pulled off in a decent way (especially if the dress/skirt is like knee-length and the tights are completely opaque). I am a very modest person overall. Am I being unreasonable in this issue?
Hmm.. Tricky situation.. Perhaps if you changed your perspective and decided that this issue is too trivial to cause arguments / a break up, and so went along with not wearing tights just for that sake..? You don't need to make a giant solemn promise or anything
Hmm.. Tricky situation.. Perhaps if you changed your perspective and decided that this issue is too trivial to cause arguments / a break up, and so went along with not wearing tights just for that sake..? You don't need to make a giant solemn promise or anything
But wouldnt you also be thinking that works both ways ie why is he making an issue out of something trivial? (Esp seeing as tho it's him instigating the arguments rather than just leaving her be)..
OP, did he know you dressed this way sometimes before he agreed to marry you?
^ But we're not talking to him, we're talking to her :) And as much as we can talk about who's fault it is, I think we have to look at the bigger picture which is her relationship and upcoming marriage. There are many reasons to end a relationship, for heaven's sake this isn't one.
But we're not talking to him, we're talking to her :) And as much as we can talk about who's fault it is, I think we have to look at the bigger picture which is her relationship and upcoming marriage. There are many reasons to end a relationship, for heaven's sake this isn't one.
I am looking at the bigger picture. Of course in itself it's not a reason to end a relationship but isn't it likely if he's making a fuss over this he's also going to be making a fuss over a million other 'minor' things? We hear from girls in Life 1 all the time who've been told they can't do this or do that, it's hardly ever an isolated incident, that's why I'd say rather than just being the one who feels she must sacrifice why not compromise and meet him in the middle somehow? If he's like this whilst he's just engaged to her I would bet my house he will be a million times stricter after marriage (and really if it's such an issue to him why did he agree to marry her in the first place - if he knew)..
If its something you only wear once/twice a month, what's the big deal? It would be different if you wore them on a regular basis, but is it really worth having an arguments over this?
If its something you only wear once/twice a month, what's the big deal? It would be different if you wore them on a regular basis, but is it really worth having an arguments over this?
but then why is HE making such a big deal about it then since its only once a month?
We could go round and round in circles cz of this, but chances are, the girls' going to give in because that's what always happens.
and you know what, if he just left it at that, it wouldn't be a big deal...and could be compromised on--but what if he starts restricting other things too? she can't wear jeans, she has to wear an abaya only, she ca't meet these friends she can't do this or that. controlling behavior usually starts like this.
Well you can make tights look vulgar and you can do the same with shalwar kameez too. So it depends! Otherwise i don't see anything wrong with tights worn with dresses when they are of a good length covering the hips area.
However i don't see the logic some of you are trying to bring in by saying she is gonna wear it only once or twice? how does that matter? If its an unappropriate piece of clothing, whether you wear it once or all the time that won't make it less unappropriate.
RP. You need to discuss with your fiance that he can't just tell you not to wear something if there is nothing wrong with it. He should be open to your take on it too and at the same time you should keep a note of his likings and dislikings too.
Leggings/tights are more of a see-through material and are completely different to skinny jeans - that's my opinion in case anyone wants to disagree. I totally agree with Hareem -if you yourself aren't sure whether it's modest or not then don't wear it. Also would you rather wear leggings like what once/twice a month or have a happy marriage because i personally would HATE to argue over things so minor as tights??
IMO opaque tights or leggings with a knee length or below dress are less 'revealing' than skinny jeans with a regular top, or even hip covering top because the whole shape of the leg is still on display as opposed to just the lower part.
I still think it's a trivial issue. I doubt one incident is reflective of a controlling husband, only the OP would be able to say whether there are other times she feels he's inflexible. He's ok with skinny jeans, so I don't think he's going to enforce a burqa on her any time soon. I bet he agreed to marry her for good qualities that he saw in her, and this just seems to be a personal preference on his side that he doesn't like tights or leggings. Ok, so you might find it weird but so what? Give the guy a chance.
As a side thought, if my husband absolutely DETESTED with capital letters a particular style of clothing, I would stop wearing it simply to please him. And no, that doesn't make me a feminist traitor or an oppressed wife or the victim of a controlling husband. There are bigger issues to fight battles for. In this case, it's just about being flexible. Similarly if I hated seeing my husband dressed a certain way I would damn right tell him so and I doubt the guy would carry on dressing like that. A little give and take.
