Re: we were on a BREAK....
ok im gussing most of you guys have seen what happens with Ross and Rachel Rachel and Ross in 'friends'....the whole thing revolves round 'we were on a break' thingy.....well i have summit like that but in an asian way......
the reason im comparing this to 'break' is that how we try to move away from the past and move on but sumtime in the present or in the future...summit corrupts up and bites us again about the past...and we cant help it but breath life in it again....have arguments and sizzel in the pain of the past again n again...
a friend of mine is married now its been 2 years......she got married to him coz they both liked each other, parents were happy and it all happened okish......
it all starts wen the in-laws come to visit the girls parents for the first time to look at the girl, everyhting goes well, they like her we liked the boy and so on.......
then the girls side go over to the boys side to see them and where they live, how they live, wots the situation etc etc.....apparently they live in a really small house as in 7 ppl living in 3 bedroom house (2 singles and one double bedroom)...now that is quite tight.....anyway the girl side ignore the issue about the house coz they like the boy and his parents.....
few months pass and wen the date is about to be fixed for the wedding......the girls dad plucks up courage to finally ask the boys parents dat u live in a very small house where your own family might be comfortable as u bin living like this for 30 years.....but where are u planning to put our daughter?.....in the same house?....but it doesnt have a spare bedroom?...will u let ur son buy another house may be rent it?.....where will my daughter be living?......
at this the father-in-law smailes and assures the girls father she is in good hands, we are planning to buy her a house 2 months before the wedding, please dont worry. Fine, great all is well from everybody....
its now 3 weeks before the wedding, no sign of a house being mentioned which they assured us.....wenever the girl side asks them that how far the house has been done, they ignore the topic and move on......and sometimes they say its near to completion, wer jus having it decorated....ok all is well.....
a week before the wedding, the girls dad finally rings and asks them again theres a week left.....and its been 2 years we have bin talkin about the ristha.....engagement has been done, the date has been fixed everthign is prepared.....where r u planning to keep my daughter?.....the father-in-law hangs up the phone on the girls father........shock shock horror horror.....
a week before the wedding and the girls dad thinks the wedding is off coz they banged the phone down and they never planned to get their girl a house, they never planned to keep her anywhere..there is no space in their house....what the hell their playing at?....the son is fairly educated the father-in-law is very educated himself..there not exactly unpurh loug......girls dad cries and the girl sees his tears and she is very hurt...
major crises breaks down.....everybody gets to know the wedding is off.....for 2 days there is no communication between the 2 parties, as there was no vachaula...meaning no middle person who did this rishta.....now the girl herself is angry at the boy for not fixing a house as they had told us or not telling them that they were trying to buy the house the deal fell thru ya anything......and the guy is angry at the girl thinking.....there so laalchi....all they wanted was the house on the girls name, they were never interested in the guy etc etc...
now let the house be on the guys name by all means the girls dad ONLY wanted the safety of his daughter and wanted to see her in a nice place whether it was the in-laws or not.....but they thought he keeps on asking about the house coz there greedy and jub tuq ghur ni mile ga shaadi ni hogi....so the house became the shurt in this marriage.....
all hell breaks loose......now its 4 days before the marriage....finally the girls dad picks up his courage as he is the daughters father....izzut ka sawal hei.....he brings his daughter and his wife with him and pays a visit to the in-laws......they all sit down and discuss openly what went wrogn and y it went wrong and wot can be done to resolve this issue......
everybody had their say.....father-in-law apologised for the house saying the deal fell through and their looking for another house as soon as they can......and he openly said we think you guys are greedy about the house, you want our money and want the house in your name, ur not interested in my son at all.....girls dad said.....we shall wed our kids on in 4 days time as planned....whether a house or no house.....u dont buy your son a house for years i won't have a problem but i jus want to see the place where my daughter will be living so i know she is comfortable and happy.....
after the wedding the in-laws put the 2 kids in a rented house for tiem being, promising them soon they will buy them a house...but its bin 2 years now and nothing......
the girl and boy they are happy together.....even tho its a rented place she wasnt hoping for but yes she is happy there....her husband is a very nice person and in-laws take a lot of care of her.....but her parents and the boys parents have stopped talking to eachother......its bin 2 years and no phone call no aana jaana...which is wierd......girl side never calls them up incase the old issue about house is re-touched.....and the boy side dont wanna get in touch coz the bitter taste is still in their mouth......
because of this sometimes a fierce argument starts between my friend and her husband blaming eachother for each other parents agony...she says y did u ever promise a house in the first place, u got our hopes up dats y we kept on waiting and asking...where were u gonna put me anyway?.....and the guy argues back saying we only sed that to test u were u greedy for our money or not?.....u guys made the 'house' as a shurt for this wedding.....the girl is still hurt about her dads tears and the shock he had to go thru.......she is still 'turpying' in the pain that y all this had to happen a week before the wedding and the fact that their not talkin to her parents still....
it seems to me both sides parents were protecting their chicldren in their own way and the walls became too high......lack of communication took place and therefore in this misunderstanding about the house....
what r ur views on this?
I would side with the girl's family in this case. The girl's father should be concerned about how his daughter is going to live after her marriage. The only thing that I find wrong with what the girl's father did in this case is that he waited too long to find out about her accomodation and to express his concerns about it. If he did that from the beginning, then maybe the man's family wouldn't have thought that they were greedy. Having a suitable accomodation is the right of the wife, so it's very reasonable for her parents to be concerned about it. The inability or the unwillingness of the would be husband/inlaws to provide that would definitely cause me to question their suitability.