Way Too Self-Conscious?

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Hi Evry1,

Well i’ve been reading quite a few posts here and let me tell u.. i feel like getting married:blush: LOL
but well I needed advice for a friend I have, (and this may be a really wierd question)

She’s very and i mean VERY self-concious of herself… she has a MAJOR problem with two things

  1. her height (she’s around 5’9, mA)
  2. her nose (in her opinion, its very long, and crooked)

so now she has this wierd thought that she will never get married considering she’s not as pretty as other girls out there, and these days guys only go for girls who are very good looking..
I’ve tried to tell her many times that there are many girls out there who have the same height as her and she’s not the only person with a “big” nose .. so there’s nothing to worry about because the guy she will get married to will love her for who she is and not what she looks like..

but again, there are always people in this world who love discouraging and putting down others for their looks, and many guys at her college always make fun of her especially about her nose and all:(..

So what other advice should I give her to make her feel better? She’s always so upset about the way she looks. IMO, you should be happy the way you have been created, but I guess that just doesnt make her feel better in any way..

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

I don’t think she’s self concious she just sounds like she has a probable case of low self esteem. Maybe helping her focus on her positive qualities will help her. Is there anything she can change about herself ie: weight loss/gain, haircut, makeup, things that might help her see herself in a different light. Another thing is trying to help her define the positive aspects 5’9 is mashAllah a good height…And reminding her it really depends on how you carry yourself, and who you are inside. If someone’s going to judge you solely based on looks they really don’t know what they are missing out on.

How old is she? The older you get the more you learn what looks good on you, hence the more graceful you get…it depends on your age too.

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

I think you’ll get more responses if this is moved to Life 1?

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

I think you should help her see and realize what she DOES have.

Many times, realizing the qualities you do possess helps you understand what you have been blessed with. So, help her see things within herself that are positive.

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

What’s wrong with her height?

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

i think your friends height is amazing, she would look so good with a guy whos like 6"1 or above ! whats she talking about! :slight_smile:

and i believe having a fat nose is considered worse in pakistani society than having a a long nose. trust me i have a big nose too, its not crooked though, but even if it was, nothing a little contouring wouldnt have fixed . i can understand where shes coming from though…

i never thought i was pretty when i lived in pakistan. people would always pity me for having “dark” skin . i knew half of them werent that fair “naturally” anyway since they piled on those tubes of fairness creams and all, i didnt , and i got ridiculed like crazy i tell you. girls would openly point out to me how dark i was and the nicer ones would give me tips on wearing colours that wouldnt make me look so kali.

i tried not to let it all get to me, but as a kid you just want to be accepted i guess, so i would feel pretty miserable at times i remember.

in addition to that, i was considered abnormally tall in school. i remember standing last in line in every so called “assembly” we had in school, and sitting on the last bench in class everytime as well because as the teacher said " the shorter people wont be able to see if you sit in front :@". that lowered my self esteem as well. i thought i was a giant or something :frowning:

it was only after i turned 18 and left pakistan for the west, did i really realize what jahil society i was living in pak. over here ,my skin is complimented for its shine and smoothness. ive grown to be 5’6 and im still dwarfed by a lot of women over here. i wear heels to look taller, and am still shorter than my fiance who is 6"2, who by the way, still thinks im short :slight_smile:

iv;e also come to realize those stupid girls in school were undergrown midgets who piled on those fairness creams because of their own insecurities with their looks, i look back and pity them now.

honestly people will never be happy with your looks unless you look like ashwariya ria or something, they will find ways to demean you and discredit you for looking the way you do. you just have to not let it get to you somehow :slight_smile:

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

shilpa shetty recently got married

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

Tranquil I like your post :slight_smile: Way to go girl, more power to you…

I think it’s not that much about looks but confidence…when you are confident you look good no matter the small “flaws” you have. You shine your way through - your friend should say to herself that the whole world lies infront of her feet and she has the beauty and the brains(!) to conquer it. Your friend should start working with her inside so mean and weird people won’t have a chance to suceed in trashing her in a second. Have some spine woman! Believe in yourself!

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

You explained that jahil mentality so well. I too was the tallest in school and always at the back during assembly. My stupid relatives used to call me stupid punjabi names for my sudden growth… loosers. I’m weatish but never been rediculed for it as u have been. But yes when u do start growing up seeing those fairness cream commercials on tv and the fairer girls saying oh we dont need it we are the pretty fair girls, that did put some insecurities in me. Growing up in pakistan is the hardest thing ever!!! Wish i never have to take my kids there other than short visits. Kids in the west grow up with so much self confidence and high self esteem which is so much important for the overall development of personality.

Back to the original post… i think long nose looks nice and i sooo wish i was as tall as her, im 5’6’'. I would say stop caring what people say about your looks, we cannot change how Allah made us. All that counts is that her family and husband love her the way she is. Everybody is born with flaws and imperfections (be it big small nose, skin colour, height, weight etc) but if the personality is attractive all the so called flaws are ignored. Be good, humorous, kind hearted and loving and u will surely be loved by all, no matter how u look.

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Re: Way Too Self-Conscious?

I think this is definately an issue of self esteem and i know how pakistani society can really help make these issues worse. i remember when i went to pakistan and women commenting on my nose as well. I have a slightly fatter nose than most people but I learned to live with it.. I was lucky as I moved from pak quiet young and didn’t have to take this for to long. Anyhow the point is when her time comes to get married she will.. my hubby still laughs at my nose but I know he looked at my strenght and beauty as a whole not just one flaw like some pakistani families and men do. She will have to get strong and learn to look at her strenghts and work with that.