U have this swanky watch .. u go to an iftar party , an aunty looks at ur watch and she sayss… beta ye htu boihat achi hai.. mere pass same brand ki dosri wali hai but mujhe tumhare style ki zyada pasand hai .. can u let me trade ? ok ok just borrow it for awhile ? what u say to her ?
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ummmmmmmmmmmmm NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You say "it's just the brand that's different, they both do look the same, I'm sorry but it's a no"
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tell her its a gift from your parents and you cant think of parting with it....ever.
a plain no is totally ok.
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Aunty, ye ghari to mujhe mere abbu ne di hai...mein ye kaise desakti hoon apko?
Aunty, ye ghari to mujhe mere husband ne di hai meri birthday pe...mein ye kaise desakti hoon apko?
Aunty ye ghari to mujhe mere class fellows ne di thi mujhe graduation pe...mein ye kaise desakti hoon apko?
Laugh it off and say "kaisi baatein karrahi hein aunti...itney pyar se mujhe di hai mere ammi/abbu/husband ne...itni asani se nahin utregi!"
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hell to the no
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Umm laughingly say no? Like if they are kidding or something and be like oh I forgot I have to go do something very important! I hate it when people ask for something and you really dont know what to do/say. Especially if they're not even a friend/family. So, what I do is kind of laugh it off.
For example:
Person: I love your perfume, oh look there's only half of it left. Why don't u give this to me and buy yourself a new one.
Me: Ha oh that's so funny! You dork you!!!
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LOL i have had this happen to me to. could it be the same watch loving aunty?? haha.
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I just don't believe an aunty would say that.
Stop making up stories - it was not entertaining =(
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there was a huge line for a mehndi artist at the masjid last year for chaand raat. this aunty standing behind me asked if i would trade places with her and her daughter. I said no, my husband is waiting downstairs..sorry. Then she says "Allah karey tujeh rang na charhay" !!!!!!!
the lady in charge of the chaand raat was standing next to me (aunty was unaware of who is was) heard her and shushed her...
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@Masti, well it happened to me too!
we know this aunty who is obsessed with watches, she has a new one every time we see her. her husband even had special watch storing box made for her!
i've had the same watch for years and she admires it every time we meet and tells me that she's got a similar one but how mine is so much nicer.. i just change the subject.
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Try saying " Aunty aap acha mazak ker rahi hain, aap ko pata hai main bohot kanjoos hon" :p
U have this swanky watch .. u go to an iftar party , an aunty looks at ur watch and she sayss... beta ye htu boihat achi hai.. mere pass same brand ki dosri wali hai but mujhe tumhare style ki zyada pasand hai .. can u let me trade ? ok ok just borrow it for awhile ? what u say to her ?
USUALLY......when aunties make such comments, they're joking. I've heard aunties making such comments like "give it to me" regarding clothes and even gold jewelry.
Take it lightly....take it as a joke. Simply smile and say, "Thank you, Aunti. Everybody has their own unique style. The key is to wear things with confidence. I'm sure your own watch looks lovely on you."
That's it. That's all you say.........and then make your getaway/escape. Smile and say "Excuse me" as if someone is calling you.....or as if you need to go to the bathroom........and leave.
If the aunti persists in asking you to trade.......jokingly respond with:
"Hmmmm......it's a tempting offer, Aunti. I'll have to think about it." That way.....she'll leave you alone to "mull" it over. And hopefully you won't see the woman again for a long time.
But overall...she's probably teasing/joking.
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I disagree Velvet. Giving things is generosity, obviously you have material desires and you can't let go of your watch. Imagine when you are old and the fashion goes away what will you do then? Holding on to things and not letting them go is a sign of greed. As Muslims we are encouraged to give gifts. Next time she asks you take it off and give it to her! May Allah give you more watches you swanky watch wearer!
I disagree Velvet. Giving things is generosity, obviously you have material desires and you can't let go of your watch. Imagine when you are old and the fashion goes away what will you do then? Holding on to things and not letting them go is a sign of greed. As Muslims we are encouraged to give gifts. Next time she asks you take it off and give it to her! May Allah give you more watches you swanky watch wearer!
Pendu,
It's advised to stay in the middle ground as opposed to veering off to one extreme or the other. And most people have material desires to some extent or the other.
You've rushed to the conclusion that I'm materialistic when you don't know me at all. You've no idea of my history of "giving," to so confidently make such assumptions about me OR the creator of this thread for that matter.
When some Aunti asks you to "trade" or "give" her an expensive item.........it's NATURAL to be hesitant.
Also......there are a couple of factors that you have failed to take into account. We ALL have had different experiences. There are people who have lent others things......only to have the person lose their belongings or return them in bad condition. There are people who have had others take unfair advantage of their generosity. These situations can cause someone to be more on their guard.
Some items (such as gold jewelry, for example) can have sentimental value to a person because it was given to them by a beloved person. In such a scenario, one might be hesitant to lend the item to another person. WHY? Because it's not unusual or uncommon for accidents to happen or for someone to lose your things.
Also........I've been generous to people with my things even when they HAVE NOT asked me for them. But there's no gunnah for one to be careful. ** And it's NOT farz for one to share every little thing with another person without discrimination.** I'm more comfortable sharing with people that I know well.........for those that I don't know well or don't have good rapport with.....I might be hesitant.
If YOU are going to go around making people feel bad without knowing their "history of generosity"...................then why don't you make up for the rest of us "stingy" people. Go ahead and give people **anything and everything **they ask of you............your watch, your car, your house, etc etc.
***** People have boundaries and it's necessary to have them to a healthy extent.
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^ You know i didn't mean that in the complete extreme side of it. Prophet once said, "Wealth never decreases when you give." What i was getting at that if this aunty asked for the watch she should not have hesitated because as her elder she should have given her the watch. Later on she would have returned the watch or would have praised that how good mannered this girl is and that how willingly she gave her the watch. I remember giving my bat to my cousin once because i knew that Allah will give me more. The thing is i wouldn't go around giving my personal things to people i know that his is not a communist party. But if someone needs a thing and i know that i can afford another or that i know that i can live without it i should give to them. The thing is that material things keep us away from connecting to our universal Self. We are indulged in our petty things even though we know that someday these things will have no value but still we hold on to them. The whole morel of my post was to let go of things and in a way eliminate the pain that comes from losing something of sentimental value.
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^ being generous is one thing
i have some very generous friends (mashallah :D) but still......there's also something to be said about someone who ASKS for your stuff...that's just really tacky and greedy.
whatever happened to subtly playing someone. :D
^Pendu,
The Prophet SAWS also said that the heart is not always consistent. How do you know that the poster has not been far more generous regarding other things in the past? Maybe this watch is really dear to her. Just because she feels hesitant to lend a particular object to someone doesn't mean that she's like that all the time.
For example, one might have been generous with giving away many other expensive items.........but perhaps that one particular item is so special that they are more hesitant to lend it so freely. Perhaps the individual REALLY loves the model of that particular watch. For example, I have a favorite watch that I absolutely adore and love the way that it looks on me. That particular design/model is not made anymore. One time, I wanted to get it fixed for something and the sales person told me that I could trade in my watch for a newer model of the same company. And I didn't do it. My parents thought I was crazy for not wanting to get a new model for free. BUT......I didn't care because I didn't want to part with it.....as the company stopped making this particular design. And if someone wanted to borrow it........I'd only lend it if I knew and trusted the person. I've been giving of other items that are more expensive than my watch, but some things I hesitate to lend freely to just anybody.
Nothing is black or white, Pendu. The lines blur and there are shades of gray in peoples' personalities. People are not consistent all the time. There are MANY factors to consider.
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- Also, there was something my mom made a good point today. If you are generous with a person once...........sometimes they don't hesitate to take advantage of you and will ask again and again and again for you lend/give them something.
I understand that not everybody is like that. But it's not unreasonable for one to be cautious about who they give their things to. Being generous is a good quality........but too much of a good thing can also become harmful.
We're advised to stay in the middle ground because our own bodies and our families have a right upon us. We can't always just "give away" things to others at the expense of our own OR our family's needs/comfort/health/security. For example, it's not practical for one to give away their last bit of food to someone when their own children will be starving. As I said before, there are several factors to take into consideration.
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^ Thats what i was trying to tell you that the things you care most you should be able to let go. Because if you lose them unexpectadly you are able to cope with the pain.