Ok, one of my friends knows this guy for many years. Their friendship grew & changed into love, and they both want to marry each other,and here,the villain 
is the guy’s mother. Anyhow, she has her own reasons for not liking the girl because they are of same age,and the girl belongs to a different caste.So, the guy’s mom has already started disliking the girl because of which my friend actually kind of gets scared of her.So, she told the guy that,even if they may get married,she wouldn’t like to live with his mom.This made the guy get mad at her because he is the only child she has,and according to him,she shouldn’t have said anything like that,because his mom had sacrificed her entire life to raise him as a single mom..
So, was it her mistake?She shouldn’t have said something like that?Or the guy should be able to provide her a separate home once they are married?
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
To be honest I would never have even considered getting married to an only child. It's not wrong what she said, after all why would anyone want to live with someone that hates them. Sounds like his mom has no life of her own and lives through her son, but your friend can't expect him to leave his mom so either she should put up with his mom or move onto to the next guy.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
She should not have said this. There are diplomatic ways to handle such issues and she has been very direct which is not always appreciated by others. If your friend has the commitment of the guy and he is willing to make her mom agreed, hopefully everything will be ok when the mom agrees. Afterall, the mom cannot marry his only child against his wishes. Its just that the guy and girl should first discuss this matter and put a time frame and they should get the mom agreed in that time. His mom's hate is not irreversible and I have seen moms ending up liking the girl after sometime (mostly after marriage when they get to know the girl better). Such statement from your friend must have made the guy to question his choice of girl.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
why should she be tactical and diplomatic when its the matter of lifetime. The only child will never giveup on his mother or even if he pretends so, he will never in his hearts of hearts. There is no future of this relationship, tell your friend.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
I think she did the right thing. Its better for her to back off now than be sorry later. A separate house doesn't improve relations.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
wow i never really thought of it that way about only child men whose parents don't like the prospective bahu right from the beginning even before marriage.
i always thought of it as no other inlaws to try to get along with like sis-in-laws or bro-in-laws so it would be much easier but i guess this is a different way of looking at it and it makes sense.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
No she didnot say anything wrong. she is right from her point of view and he is right from his. perhaps she should have said it in a better way like "its better if we dont get married because your mother doesn't like me and we could have problems after marriage living under one roof"
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
^:rotfl: yes exactly this.i am giggling .i blame u if i get called pagal.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
as long as you don’t from me 
(yeah i’m going to be posting this everywhere now, where appropriate)
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
She should not have said this. There are diplomatic ways to handle such issues and she has been very direct which is not always appreciated by others. If your friend has the commitment of the guy and he is willing to make her mom agreed, hopefully everything will be ok when the mom agrees. Afterall, the mom cannot marry his only child against his wishes. Its just that the guy and girl should first discuss this matter and put a time frame and they should get the mom agreed in that time. His mom's hate is not irreversible and I have seen moms ending up liking the girl after sometime (mostly after marriage when they get to know the girl better). Such statement from your friend must have made the guy to question his choice of girl.
Be diplomatic about WHAT??!! Her whole life, her happiness, her mental well being? So WHAT if he didn't like it? So WHAT if he questioned his choice of girl? She should be questioning HER choice right now?
Pinky tell your friend to walk away. This has disaster written all over it. No matter how much you're in love, if your MIL doesn't like you, it will never work. Period.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
It's a really tough situation. The girl needed to understand that it's difficult (in our culture) for a one and only son to leave his mom. At the same time the guy needs to understand that his girlfriend is being hated for factors beyond her control (age and caste) and it's uncomfortable to live under the same roof with someone who's going to judge your actions based on things like caste, etc. It would be one thing if the mom objected to the girl because she was rude or there was huge disparity between education/socioeconomic class, temperament, for example. But that's not the case here. It depends upon how you word things and approach the matter. If they are adamant about getting married.....then they need to work together in a constructive way. The guy can try to reason with his mom....explaining how the caste system has no place on Islam, etc. The girl can try to bond with his mom. The two families can meet one another.....sometimes personal interactions may help change attitudes (though it's not easy). There are other ways to go about solving this problem...when it's at a really sensitive stage....rather than set ultimatums. Overall, I don't think it's going to easy for the two of them. They can attempt changing age-old nonsensical attitudes, but it's really hard. If things are not improving.....it's better for them to move on from one another.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
She should have been more subtle in conveying this to the guy. Its too premature to say such a thing.
Guys NORMALLY dont get the sensitivty of the issue and how deeply a girl can be bothered by such issues. Having said that, he should comfort her rather than getting mad at her that everything is going to be fine.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
she should cut her losses and move on.
its funny, no one would EVER ask a guy to live with someone who hates his guts. Of course women are expected to do so
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
Ok, one of my friends knows this guy for many years. Their friendship grew & changed into love, and they both want to marry each other,and here,the villain :p is the guy's mother. Anyhow, she has her own reasons for not liking the girl because they are of same age,and the girl belongs to a different caste.So, the guy's mom has already started disliking the girl because of which my friend actually kind of gets scared of her.So, she told the guy that,even if they may get married,she wouldn't like to live with his mom.This made the guy get mad at her because he is the only child she has,and according to him,she shouldn't have said anything like that,because his mom had sacrificed her entire life to raise him as a single mom.. So, was it her mistake?She shouldn't have said something like that?Or the guy should be able to provide her a separate home once they are married?
I think she did the right thing..............you cannot expect a woman to live with someone who doesnt even like them AND be happy about it.
Re: Was it really a mistake by her..
Well it depends how much she wants what she wants.