Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

Lifestyle Relationships
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Once we were invited to a party at night, my cute wify begum wasn’t happy about my innovative dress selection, but I bluntly told her that please don’t drag ‘fashion’ into this discussion. If you really want to discuss fashion then that belongs to fashion section of Gupshup forum, login and give all your comments there. I am really fed-up of this fashion thingy. I am not that fashionable and being a non-fashionious person I have a right to decide what I myself want to wear. I don’t like guilt trips, specially from self claimed fashion experts. If I want to wear pinkish orange heart shaped glasses indoors, at night, why do fashion obsessed people judge me. Those fanatic fashionists should respect my choice, ‘Live and Let Live’!!!. They shouldn’t laugh or make fun of me, or spread any hatred against me. If I want to wear polka dot light green woolen dhoti with a brown leather striped vest along with DMS shoes, it is a good contrast combination IMO, I can do whatever I feel like, its my life. I don’t care about fashion policemen, imposing their views on me. I like light orange shining mehendi on my beard and thick sarso’n (citronella ?) oil layer on my hair, soaked a bit by my topi and few drops moving down my neck from time to time, as it looks ‘rough’ and hot. Also the killer surma thick layer in my eyes, is mind blowing and heart breaking.

In the end she said that her stomach is aching because of laughing, I felt really insulted by this mocking comment. I don’t like self-fashion-righteous people who think that they are more fashionable then others. Then she said that we may negotiate, she would follow a bit of what I want in her dressing (a bit more covering) and in return I must completely (100%) follow what she wants in my dressing. I felt that was injustice, but thought that marriage is the name of compromising and understanding, in which one person has to make relatively more compromises and sacrifices. Life is tough.

Was I wrong ? I am fuming like a furnace.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

Naa! you have every right to look like a clown. :flowers:

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

True. But no decent woman has a right to dress outdoors in a way that resembles the dressing of a prostitute, (in any way).

p.s. for her own safety in this life and hereafter

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

bhahahaa :omg:

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

you need to get an additional wife who can argue with the first wife on your behalf
..and maybe another one to make you some chai and samosas while 1 and 2 fight.
and one to press your feet while #3 is making the chai and samosay.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

^ :D

Btw, how on earth did I miss chewing paa'n that adds to my gangsta look. !?!?!

disappointed

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

koi baat nahin, if I can't afford a toothpick in between my teeth to improve my manly look, I would prefer a Miswaak.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

Gotta hand it to you Crime Master GOGO ... I never thought of doing that ... my wife's dressage is her business any interference is met with fierce woman weapons ... (psychologically inflicted trauma) ... but the wisdom you used ... wow! You dress like a Tamil fairytale character and she in turn makes you dress the way you would do otherwise anyway and in return you get to influence her attire (slightly, but enough) ...

I see why you are feeling guilty ... hehehe ... were you wrong?

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

She might be reading this comment. Why did you disclose this secret ? :grumpy:

p.s. Btw, she has no option because she loves the ways and dressing of the Prophet (saw) and would never say anything against it.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

if you think she dresses like a prostitute then why did you marry her if you're so conservative??

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

No, I don't think so, It is just that at times we don't realize our unintentional mistakes and need to be reminded about it, because bolly / holly wood has worked really hard in the past 3 decades, by raising the moral level (and lowering the dressing level) from time to time, to develop our (me included) thinking in a certain direction. Now we do/say/wear 'things' which our parents couldn't even (morally) think of (even for a second) in their times, but our (brainwashed) mind considers them perfectly normal.

By the way she does correct me a lot in daily life and gets angry at me, impose her orders on me. (she has a right to do so, I don't mind it). At times she thinks/says that all my money belongs to her (that is true, I don't disagree), also I am bad, dumb, rude, ignorant and she doesn't like it when I talk too much or when I remain quiet for a long time....etc. At other times suddenly she thinks I am cute, sincere, and she likes my eyes when I smile....etc.

So, it is kind of a two way 'free flow' traffic without any insult in any direction.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

What is wrong with what she said?. She was willing to negotiate with you by both of you compromising. You hate fashion..sure enough..but isn't it more sawab to please your wife for how she wants to see you?. She is not asking you run around naked. And as someone said..then why did you marry her..if she was different to you. You know..you're making life tough for yourself.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

^ Well, Alhamdulillah, despite of all our differences of opinions and conflicts, we still respect each other's views. Yes indeed it is a sawab to respect the liking of your wife. Everything I buy is of her own choice (because she wishes that I respect her choice) My shoes, clothes, watches, laptop, office bag, pen, all the furniture of my house...etc. Almost nothing of my own choice, as I take approval from her (even my nick was selected by her). My only condition is that nothing in our life should exceed the limits of our mutual faith. (Which she agrees to, but at times being human we all get carried away, and later realize our mistake). She at times herself requests me repeatedly that I should keep reminding her and should be forceful to her whenever she gets carried away (but of course that is not the right approach for me)

[QUOTE]
then why did you marry her..
[/QUOTE]

I had just left everything to my mom with only one condition that the girl she selects should 'practically' be dedicated to her own faith. My wife selected me after rejecting some rishtas (even though my mom warned her about me being extremist/fanatic..etc). Anyways, following are the details now that my marriage with her is being questioned:

My MIL and I have the same nature and way of thinking so she always support me against my wife whenever we have a difference of opinion. My mom's and my wife's nature and way of thinking are quite similar, so they always support each others against me. My mom and my MIL never argue with each other and have a lot of respect for each other (MashaAllah). My FIL and dad are neutral people who don't interfere in any of our matters and think we are mature enough to decide on our own.

Overall people give us the impression that I should have been the son of my MIL and my wife should have been the daughter of my mom. But I am happy that it is not like that because in that case favoritism would have a negative impact and above all in that case both my mom and my MIL would have not agreed to have this match. While I and my wife have this mutual thinking that despite differences in our way of thinking we agree on the same belief system (Quran and Sunnah) and there couldn't have been a better match for ourselves then this. For me, I had seen her in my dream (istekhara) before seeing her in real life so I couldn't disagree on this rishta. She said after rejecting many people she couldn't reject me after seeing me, for reasons she also don't know.

Alhamdulillah, Allah (swt) knows HIS decisions which are better for us in every way no matter how difficult it is for us to understand the wisdom behind HIS decisions due to our limited knowledge and mental capabilities.

p.s. This match took place when my MIL and my mom (who were room mates in College hostel) were looking for rishta and accidentally came across each other after almost 25 years.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

oh wow. You actually wrote your whole story.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

Yep, I should have just written only a bit of it to answer the “Why did you marry her ?” question that was asked. Got carried away. :bummer:

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

aww you must love her. May lord keep you happy.

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

you saw her in your dreams even before seeing her in real life? i dont get it

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

wear in what i feel easy and confo
but esa hai k kabhi kabhi biwi ka bhil dil karta ke uska husband ek bar uski marzi ki cheez pehne,

i dont know much abt fashion but me and my husband discuss abt we even choose our clothes when we go out, so dats okay i think

dont need to get irritate with ur wife abt this topic

girls are made for such thingies lol

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

Now, if we read again my first post and replace the word ‘fashion’ with ‘religion’, also replacing the examples of violation of physical (modern) fashion that is (so called) meant for the body, with the violation of spiritual (religious) fashion that is meant for the soul. Then you would call me a spiritual clown, wouldn’t you ? (hence implying the same terminology on those who behave/talk in the same manner :flower1:)

p.s. Just like people who don’t respect their own body make fun of themselves in front of people, those who don’t respect their own soul (violating their faith intentionally) make fun of themselves in front of their Lord and the angels

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Re: Was I wrong ? I am really fed-up !

GoGo we shud meet