Warranty Cards
The following was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
web site,
by an employee with an obvious sense of humour. The company, of course,
does not have a sense
of humour and made the web department take it down immediately.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to
protect your new investment, please take a few minutes to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
-
[] Mr. [] Mrs. [] Ms. [] Lt. [] Gen.
[] Comrade [] Classified [] Other
First Name: …
Initial: …
Last Name: …
Password: … (max 8 char)
Code Name: …
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: … … … -
Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[] F-14 Tomcat
[] F-15 Eagle
[] F-16 Falcon
[] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified -
Date of Purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19…/…/…
-
Serial Number: …
-
Please tick where this product was purchased
[] Received as gift/ aid package
[] Catalogue Showroom
[] Independent arms broker
[] Mail order
[] Discount Store
[] Government surplus
[_] Classified -
Please tick how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased
[] Heard loud noise, looked up
[] Store display
[] Espionage
[] Recommended by friend/relative/ally
[] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[] Was attacked by one -
Please tick the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[] Style/ appearance
[] Speed/manoeuvrability
[] Price/value
[] Comfort/convenience
[] Kickback/bribe
[] Recommended by salesperson
[] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[] Advanced Weapons System
[] Backroom politics
[] negative experience opposing one in combat
-
Please tick the location(s) where this product will be used:
[] North America
[] Iraq
[] Central/South America
[] Iraq
[] Aircraft carrier
[] Iraq
[] Europe
[] Iraq
[] Middle East (not Iraq)
[] Iraq
[] Africa
[] Iraq
[] Asia/Far East
[] Iraq
[] Misc. third world countries
[] Iraq
[] Classified
[] Iraq -
Please tick the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[] Colour TV
[] VCR
[] ICBM
[] Killer satellite
[] CD Player
[] Air-to-Air Missiles
[] Space Shuttle
[] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon -
How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Tick all
that
apply)
[] Communist/Socialist
[] Terrorist
[] Crazed
[] Neutral
[] Democratic
[] Dictatorship
[] Corrupt
[] Primitive/Tribal -
How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[] Deficit spending
[] Cash
[] Suitcases of cocaine
[] Oil revenues
[] Personal check
[] Credit card
[] Ransom Money
[] Traveller’s check -
Your occupation:
[] Homemaker
[] Sales/marketing
[] Revolutionary
[] Clerical
[] Mercenary
[] Tyrant
[] Middle Management
[] Eccentric billionaire
[] Defence Minister/General
[] Retired
[_] Student -
To help us to understand our customers’ lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[] Golf
[] Boating/sailing
[] Sabotage
[] Running/jogging
[] Propaganda/misinformation
[] Destabilisation/overthrow
[] Default on loans
[] Gardening
[] Crafts
[] Black market/smuggling
[] Collectibles/collections
[] Watching sports on TV
[] Wines
[] Interrogation/torture
[] Household pets
[] Crushing rebellions
[] Espionage/reconnaissance
[] Fashion clothing
[] Border disputes
[] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve
you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you
will
be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division