After reading Muzna’s thread in All Views about the murder a 17 yr boy committed, and that he had been depressed and suicidal…as a parent, how can you look out for warning signs…how can you protect your child from taking that route or even getting into such depression?
Re: Warning signs!
talk talk talk to your child and let them talk to you.
Re: Warning signs!
ISLAM is the answer! It is strictly forbidden to take one's life in Islam and this is one sin for which there is no forgiveness. The fear of spending eternity in hell should be enough to deter even the most depressed person from doing this.
As long as children are raised knowing about their religion, taught proper morals and values, this should not be an issue.
Re: Warning signs!
All parents need to do is get involved with their kids and pay attention to them. They see the signs way before it reaches to point of no return. Try to be friends with your kids
Re: Warning signs!
One of my inlaws family friends knows of a family whose young son (i think in his late teens) who committed suicide last year. Jumped over a highway bridge. So sad. We just saw the family at a dawat a couple of weeks before this incident happened. :(
Candy Apple - I dont necessarily agree with you. I have an aunt is who is very religious. She's the one that would just tell us in front of anyone and everyone if someone is not doing anything unIslamic. But unfortunately she is bi-polar and has tried to kill herself numerous times. Obviously she knows it is wrong, but in that mental state that she was in during those times, she couldnt help it. Who knows, maybe these kids are clinically depressed but unfortunately parents, teachers, and other adults didnt see the signs of depression soon enough to help them.
If it were my child, like njgal said, I would talk to them. Yes, I would be their parent, but also a confidant. Yes, teens have their angst and such, we were all teens once, but i dont want my child never to not talk to me about anything.
Re: Warning signs!
I would say listening to your children and talking with them not at them to be a good starting point. Sometimes no matter what you say/do, how you act/react/bond/communicate with anyone not just your children, you can never know what's really going on inside their heads.
Re: Warning signs!
Dont bury things under the carpet just because you dont want to admit they are there.
Talk and look for changed in behaviour which just dont seem to match with whats going on in their lives.
Re: Warning signs!
Talk to your child, be involved in their academic and social life...(but also give room to develop independence). I've taught elem and middle school...and I've noticed that when kids get into middle/high school...the parental involvement sometimes decreases...and with parents who weren't that involved during the elem years...it seems to decrease even more as they grow older.
Warning sign possibilities:
Isolation. It's not healthy for a kid to be in their room all the time.....even if they're gaming or surfing the web. The should be interacting with their family and have other interests as well...that are not confined to their room. Internet activities can be monitored. Facebook pages, if parents have access to that, may provide a clue to the child's state of mind. Change in appetite, insomnia, or sleeping too much. Cutting....those marks can be hidden behind long sleeves/clothes.
The parenting style needs to change a bit as kids grow older. When they're younger ...the parents are more of a parent. As kids grow older...and have a more mature/complex grasp of situations...they also need a "confidant/friend" in their parents. Of course, limits should be there. But they should feel that they can come to you and discuss things and know that you'll first try to understand them...as opposed to judging them right away.
Re: Warning signs!
i agree with Afshi- when its a reason like depression, bipolar disorder, manic depressive disorder, etc... then its not in your control. those are diseases and require medication and treatment, but ultimately, its up to the person with the disease to decide whether to accept the treatment or not, and unfortunately when they're in the throes of the disease, those decisions aren't very clear and don't come very easily. a very close family member is currently going through something very similar, not suicidal, thank goodness, but severe depression and anxiety and all their related ills, and it is a stressful, painful situation for everyone involved. religion and talking to kids isn't always the only thing although they are very solid foundations, but you also need to recognise when its time for medical intervention and do your best to get your kid that kind of help too.
Re: Warning signs!
Off course if depression is severe you need to get your child/teen medical help. I didn't say religion was the ONLY answer but if you raise your kids the Islamic way from a young age they will not do it...no matter how strong the urge is. Also, the more Islamic you are the less likely you are to fall THAT deep into the throes of depression. Lot's of people experience it at some point or another, myself included. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go jump off a bridge. Islam teaches patience.