In recent years, I have noticed that many immigrants, especially the younger crowds, come to North America and try their utmost hardest to “FIT IN”.
Not only do they lose their identity and become western..they also lose their faith and respect for themselves and their family.
I’ve also discovered.. these individuals who become “so western” are MORE western then the desi kids who were born and raised in North America.
I came to this conclusion by comparing myself and my siblings with these individuals…its quite shocking
“…beauty is life when life unveils her holy face, But you are life and you are the veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in the mirror, But you are eternity and you are the mirror.”
Yeh.. lotsa ppl move here in NA n totally change.....4get their lang, culture, religion etc...ne ways thas jst them... so well we should try not to change n stuff... like totally change....should always keep up with ur religion culture, etc !!!! Its upsettin when u c ppl change jst like that :(
Thank you for your post. I will be migrating to Canada by January next year. One of the thing that is bothering me is that I don’t want to be westernized. To some extent I have worked out a solution for this problem but I don’t know if that’s is enough or not. I will be getting married, insha allah, this November, before leaving for Canada. I don’t know what kind of foreign culture I would be getting exposed to and that my preparation is enough for that or not. My wife to be would not be travelling with me. I have to file her papers and it would take her some 6 to 8 months before she could come there. I would like to know would that be enough to safe guard me from the exposures of the western world.
You're right Hinz, people do strive to change and even though I'm living overseas, my parents have been so strict with me that I've retained my morals and hopefully, I won't be swayed by what the western world throws at me.
But don't you think that you've also got to change yourself a bit in order to adjust and be able to make friends. I think, to a large extent it's impossible to be truly loyal to your roots. But yeah, it's important to retain your religious values and those that your parents stress.
A few of you brought up the point about having to change a lil bit to fit in. Well change happens everywhere and some changes are good while others are bad.
ie, Someone who is really shy...starts to open up and speak out...
or someone who is totally against smoking..suddenly changes their view and begins to smoke because they were influenced by the ppl around them.
It depends on yourself and what you're comfortable with.
It also depends upon the ppl you hang out with. Try to find someone who is like you or has similar interests...that way the change won't be too great. :)
Mind you,
there are lots of things around here .... which are very very distracting. Maybe there is no way whatsoever we'd be exposed to such things back where we were living before.
Maybe some ppl just aren't ready/prepared for such distractions?? True, maybe some of us ppl are naive....that we don't see the potential troubles coming...but there's a first time to learn everything. Once we learn/see it, it's up to us how much of it stands & flows with our principles.
I dunno.....who's to say who's more of a western kid & who's not. You know hinni?
[This message has been edited by kohal (edited October 31, 2000).]
kohal what I meant about young immigrants becoming more western then the younger western crowd who were born and raised in the west was that some of the "newbies" are worse off then us.
These newbies try so hard to fit in that they get messed up...drinking..drugs..dating...gangs etc.
I have a pefect example in my head right now.
Girl A came to Toronto from Pakistan. Girl A was very innocent and seedie saadi. Girl A..after hanging out with the "wrong crowd" gets "corrupted" so to speak and becomes totally wild...parties..smokes..dates guyz etc....see where I'm goin with this? BTw...this is a true story...
But,
shouldn't Girl A seen it coming? I mean, i dun't know her or anything but i'm sure she was mentally aware/mature enough to know as to where she should draw the line wrt her social life. You always gotta draw the line somewhere, everywhere.
Wait, what's our point here again? We're not criticzing this girl or her character or anything. Just 'analyzing' ppl like her...where & why we/they mess up coming to NA. Not that there's a specific blame as to why she messed up (ie. family upbringing wasn't as tight or blah blah blah).
You know what I think.(dont have to agree or disagree) Even if you are in Pak, if you hang out with the wrong crowd, you are destined to be "corrupted".. Yeah i have seen a lot of bro's and sis's who come from back home and completly change. Then I have seen bro's and sis's who are born and raised here and are as desi/muslim as one could be. and vice versa.
So, to quite an extend its a matter of a person's upbringing.. Now sister kohal as you said that did'nt Girl A see it coming.. I doubt it, she probably knew that she was doing something wrong but in order to do something wrong it's a matter of spilt second. Either once you do something haram and continue doing haram or realize that its wrong.. If Islam is engraved in one's heart then nothing in this world can make her/him do anything haram..
And I lost my train of thought again here..
will come back..
Totally Agree with u Hinna.. new immigrants SOMEtimes try really hard to fit in n stuff like that... like in my skool i know lotsa paki gals.. who've like TOTALLY changed... this gal i've known for bout like last 3 yrs.. totally changed.. got into guys/parties/drugs etc.. end up with sleepin with some guys etc... so well parents caught her n now shes in some islamic skool.. somethin like that.. n yeh i know this other gal... she looked really nice n innocent n stuff which she really was n now shes like totally changed !!!! :( n well lotsa other gals as well... one thing i've noticed is that pakistanis r the ones who r totally changing themselves n really really tryin hard to fit in unlike the indians... they r still a LIL better than pakistanis....
P.Ice...your brought up some very good points..you know I've also seen ppl who don't really practice Islam..and they came here and they haven't changed...but then itz also the opposite ...ppl who have had an islamic upbringing...have changed.
I totally think its how much peer pressure you can handle and what type of ppl you associate yourself with.
Also, even westerners born and bred in NA are 'screwed'...but I tend to find more immigrants 'screwed'
I think trouble arises when parents are too strict w/ their kids specially daughters that they get messed up.
Its a case of never seen anything b-4 and now they are in la-la land!!
Balance is what they should opt for. Let's be realistic here. While choosing to live in t/ West you cannot hope for a Desi environment.
Kids get deeply confused w/ school atmosphere & when they come home everything is t/ opposite .
Parents need to talk to their kids & give them reasons & logic.
However Iam quite offended by this generalisation of FOB's .
Me & my husband whom I met after finishing off my education, are proud FOB's who originally came to study here, leaving our families behind in Pakistan.
We finished our education & are now working professionally & thank GOd my husband is a greatest & sweetest guy I have ever met.
Also, I could go on about t/ # of girls & guys we met in our separate universities in t/ U.S. who were raised here by theri families & would look down upon us simply because we didnt have t/ " American Accent" they had or t/ time & $$ to dress up so much in school.
I think it boils down to parenting- educated parenting . Not simply because your'e born here or there!!
But one thing we both do plan to do once we have kids down t/ road is not to be too over strict not let them completely loose. also, NO INDIAN MOVIES @ our home in t/ name of culture plss!! Either Pakistani Dramas or PG Rated english movies!!
Agree with both FunkyDesi and Hinna.. but therez tooooooooo much peer pressure n stuff in high skool.. can u guys tell me like does it get worse in uni./college or ppl dont care bout all this ne more.. ?!?!?!? coz rite now in high skool .. therz too much of this peer pressure stuff goin on...
It does somewhat revolve around what goes on at home...but I mean some parents are totally laid back and don't care what their child does and when you look at their child...they are totally different from their parents...ie more religious etc etc.
Sometimes its the total opposite...too strict parents...messed up child...
Sadiaa....ya in highschool there is a lot of peer pressure...to conform and be like the others...but always remember to be happy because of who you are and what you represent. Being an individual is always better than being an unknown face in the crowd of a million.
In university I find that there is not a lot of peer pressure...no one goes around lookin at what you wear or who you hang out with. There really isn't a lot of time to waste on trivial things like that..so don't worry sis..Inshallah it'll all get better :)
From what I've seen & heard frm my Desi & non Desi friends, There's way too much pressure in High School.
Community Colege is prtty much t/ same, only slightly better , but depends on t/ ppl you hang around w/.
University is much better. PPl are too busy working & studying too engage themselves in such immature crap. Altho I knew a # of Desi girls who were Daddy's little girls & were in University cuz what else to do b-4 getting married to a engr. or preffebaly a Doc?? Big time attitude!!!
Well.... i think i'll probably be goin to some college.. coz firstly my avg. isnt simply that good.. secondly.. m one of those unlucky student who gotta grad. with current gr.11s :( coz i wont be havin ne OAC so i'll have to grad. with OAC ppl... k well ppl in Toronto or Ontario'd know wat i m talkin bout :( :( :(
Saadia..its all good sis....highschool in Toronto isn't too bad...and really screw the ppl who try to pressure you into stuff :) My highschool was like that..I went to Pearson in Scarborough...and there was a lot of peer pressure...but you know wat..don't let it get to ya...just shrug it off because those ppl just try to big themselves up because they have to make themselves feel better.
And as for graduating with the OAC ppl...screw them too!!!!
and College isn't that bad...u know if you go to college..u can always transfer in 2nd or 3rd year to a university in Ontario or n e where for that matter :)