Re: Want to move out
I didnt realize I forgot one of the main details. Yes I am intact a girl.
Re: Want to move out
Dude...what happens when happier days come a-callin'? Would u just not post with that nick or make another one?
Re: Want to move out
Where was this kind of thinking when so many of our fathers traveled to unknown lands halfway across the world with often vague promises of education and employment? That too at a time when phonecalls and letters were still rare. I'm sure there were fears and doubt, but there was also pride in your child having the knowledge, skills, and personality to step out into the world and achieve success in new places and new ways -- to make a life and home for himself.
You are comparing 2 different worlds that's why that thinking doesn't apply. Here we are talking about moving out of the parent's once you feel like you are financially secure enough to gain freedom and do what you want. The scenario you describe is that of a man leaving not only his parents, but also his wife, kids, and country so that those he's leaving behind wont starve to death...see the difference=moving out because i want freedom and now i can afford to vs moving out because I don't want my family to starve to death slight difference I would say. My father moved out and lived by himself for 25 years and did all his own cooking and cleaning and he didn't do it to gain freedom, he did it so 1. His father can retire and start working his butt off and stay home 2. So we wouldn't starve. Paheeli I doubt the relatives you refer to lived on their own seeking autonomy.
Re: Want to move out
You are comparing 2 different worlds that's why that thinking doesn't apply. Here we are talking about moving out of the parent's once you feel like you are financially secure enough to gain freedom and do what you want. The scenario you describe is that of a man leaving not only his parents, but also his wife, kids, and country so that those he's leaving behind wont starve to death...see the difference=moving out because i want freedom and now i can afford to vs moving out because I don't want my family to starve to death slight difference I would say. My father moved out and lived by himself for 25 years and did all his own cooking and cleaning and he didn't do it to gain freedom, he did it so 1. His father can retire and start working his butt off and stay home 2. So we wouldn't starve. Paheeli I doubt the relatives you refer to lived on their own seeking autonomy.
I'm actually referring to the multiple generations of bachelors who have come to the UK/US/etc to obtain degrees or jobs and eventually make a new life for themselves. And I don't know a single one with a starving family at home.
Re: Want to move out
I did not go away to college. I stayed with them, and studied abroad for a short semester. That was my extent of living away from them.
I think I am more frustrated than anything. I like being home. I like seeing my parents daily but I cannot for the life of me enjoy being told I can't go to yoga. I am 24 years old, I can decide if I want to go to yoga
I would need to get a roommate, not just for expenses but my parents always think people should try to live with other people if possible for safety reasons. However, I can afford it. Even if I did it alone I could afford it.
I am just tired of being expected to act like an adult with adult responsibilities but not be treated like an adult at the same time. You don't think I am a child when I work 14 hour days but watch out if I want to decide when to go to yoga. It's ridonculous
This happens. It's hard for many parents to let go. But I think if you want the independence, then I think you should pursue it. If you don't do it now, you will need to later, so why not start the process now? I'm not sure that you necessarily need to move out. They just need to understand that it's ok if you determine your own routine. They need to see that you still respect them and consider them. They are not irrelevant to you. You will need to start saying to them that on such-and-such day/night I am doing this. I will be back at X time. You can reach me @.... You need to make sure to always be honest with them. And try not to avoid their calls/texts, because that will just increase their anxiety. When they see you are not cutting them off, but rather involving them in a new stage of your life, they will hopefully relax a little. I'm not saying they will ever encourage you to do those things, but they will accept them iA.
Re: Want to move out
Hi OP you have what is a case of typical desi parents who would have been much cooler if u had been living in a different country. Have they been the sort to be very particular about ur friends and afraid u will get influenced by the US culture and are trying to keep u as safe as possible from all that. And that this is just an extension of that? So they are not necessarily extremely worried about ur physical safety but how much u would absorb from another culture ( that might go against their beliefs and the values they tried to instill in u).
I had some sort of experience like this, I've lived all my life in the middle east and had fairly conservative parents. For my brothers it was decided that they would be going to the US for their higher education but I was either supposed to go to Pakistan or stay where I was and enroll in a university. I think I never really questioned it or even asked them to go to the US. It just sort of came about because the money they would be spending locally( with me living, eating at home) would actually be more than or equal to what they'd spend sending me to the US. So just looking at all that it was decided that I would be going too, but to the same uni as my bro ( we have a year's age difference so would be enrolling at the same time) and my mom would also go with us. My dad decided this, and This would mean they would be living apart for 9 months out of th year. It was a big sacrifice for him, to be living alone, without the comfort of your companion and home cooked food ofcourse. All so that we could have the comfort and so she could tell us k parh lo Beth k.. Idhar nahi jao udhar nahi jao whatever.
Anyway, she did the whole concerned mom bit but after 6 months she realized that we were responsible kids, had made good (shareef) friends, were committed to getting good grades and also that she was really bored and lonely ( with us in classes and working as well). So she went back. The followIng school year she only came for 3-4 months, and the following she didn't come at all, just for the graduation ceremony. over time it turned out fine but when I was actually going I felt embarrassed by the idea that my mom was going to babysit me and the whole time she was there she did roke toke in everything. We would have some arguments, some times she would give in and sometimes it was me. I was never the partying sort either. (I've never seen the inside of a club in US even though I was living alone, even without my bro for the final year, cuz he graduated before me and moved to another city for a job).
i just did regular stuff with my friends, go to a movie, eat out , mall, whatever i would have done even if my mom was with me. I could have easily lied and done evrything she didnt let me do, she didnt keep tabs on me all the time, we talked 2-3 times a week. When I came back home after graduating and talked to my mom about how she was worried for nothing she said that it's natural as parents and that even though everything was fine she used to pray nafl for all of us everyday for our safety and to protect us from everything that is evil (surroundings, friends etc)
Maybe u can try explaining that to ur parents that ok its natural for them to worry but that u r in that same city for work and whatever harm can come to u At that time as well. Cite examples of how all the ppl u know who go into the city after work have never been attacked or mugged. Also explain to them that the values they have instilled in u r a part of u. That their typical lines "yay nahi Karo wo nahi Karo" are part of ur conscience. Tell them that u have never given them any reason to lose their trust in u. One typical line my dad had while I was growing up ( in late teens ofcourse) was " Jub aapki shadi ho jayegi to Jo marzi karna", and no one added k then u will just have to listen to ur hubby and do what he says. Anyway my mom got It after a while, when she realized I was responsible enuf she loosened the noose saying k she should do what she wants now cus who's to say she will get to do it later. Ofcourse it was never for clubbing or something like that but general stupid stuff.
Try to join ur yoga class with a friend that they like. Or if they are actually worried about your safety then join with someone so they know u won't be travelling alone to and from. And maybe look for a yoga class closeby?
Re: Want to move out
Btw after I graduated my parents were encouraging me to find a job and work for a while to gain experience! That was a big surprise. I could have never thought they'd be ok with me living alone and working in another country. Anyway, I didn't do it! I never applied anywhere cuz I just wanted to go back home even though there'd be the whole kidr Jana hae , kitnay bajay waapis aaigi and Aur kaun kaun ja raha hae, the third degree!
Re: Want to move out
discussion has successfully reached hijab junction. its all downhill from here..
Re: Want to move out
sorry if I haven't read all the posts and this had been discussed.....
to me it sounds like you need to have better communication between you and the parents rather than move out....
have you sat down and explained to them that you want the liberty to make certain decisions on your own?
have you told them that you feel stifled?
have you suggested a plan where you get to have some freedom while still following some of their rules?
Re: Want to move out
[mod]Folks, please make sure the discussion is still relevant to the OP's original questions. Feel free to start new threads about related topics. [/mod]
Re: Want to move out
- I did not go away to college. I stayed with them, and studied abroad for a short semester. That was my extent of living away from them.
By short semester, do you mean winter or summer sessions? How did your parents handle you living in a different country during that time?
Re: Want to move out
Op, why don't you go to yoga directly from work or before work?