Hello, I’ve been wanting to ask this question for quite some time. I live in America, I have 3 boys age 3, age 2 and a newborn. Obviously a very busy mama! My husband’s grandfather comes over from Pak every 6 mos and its quite a strain but the grandfather stays with us for a while and then goes to his duaghter’s then his sons. The daughter complains to the relatives over in Pak, not to send him because he is very difficult - he eats dinner at 10 pm, needs to go out each day shopping (which gets to be a strain on the finances of anyone he stays with) etc etc. The relatives in Pak are very mad at the duaghter who complains but you know what? she isnt wrong! Life in america is very hectic and dinner at 10pm is just absurd. I agree with the complaining daughter although I;ve never really complained. Why dont they understand over in Pak how different life over here is?? We dont have servants or cooks or even babysitters here and forget the shopping - each time grandpa comes, he buys at least 50 ties to bring back and I see the college education of my kids going into ties for grandpa. Am I being mean and inhospitable or what??
Is obeying the elders regardless of how WRONG they are only a trait of Pakistanis?. I mean can't they be wrong, EVER?. Why is it considered rude if someone tells them off?.
Have you talked to your husband?. WHat does he think of his dad's behavior?.
Thats the husband's GRANDFATHER. How absurd is that! If he has his own kids in town y go to the grandkids?
Oh u r right, it's kid's great grand-daddy. ANd he expects his grandson and grandbahoo to buy him stuff?. You should tell him it's time he start giving to you guys. Is he gonna leave behind any inheritance?
How very grand of him 
From reading these types of post, I think when I get my own home I am going to lay some groundrules from day one, when guests/family are over. This way there is no bad blood (or relatively little) during the stay.
The grandfather in this scenario is imposing his own ways of doing things on his grandson. I don’t see anything wrong with him crashing at the grandson’s place being that he’s blood and all that but taking advantage just isn’t right. I wonder if he realizes it himself. Therefore, I think it makes sense to show him through example what the household rules are and when he is overstepping bounds without being confrontational and saying so outright. He is an elderly gentleman of a wholly another generation so sympathize with him a little bit too and see how he reacts. I’m sure he means well in his ways and isn’t trying to deplete his own grandson’s finances or anything either.
Munni - That's exactly what my cousin did. You're welcome to come, stay, chill, crash, hangout. Whatever. But don't expect us to change our routine to entertain you.
Sounds cold. But sometimes there's no other choice.
I think these problems can be solved by communication.
Is your husband cool with grandpa's routine and behaviour? If not then he should speak up...Its his side of the family thats causing issues and he should address it accordingly.
Sounds like hubby is quiet may be thats why you are getting frustrated...but I wouldn't recommend you to confront the old man..let ur hubby do it...or just tell ur lil one to pee on grand pa three times a day that would work too :-)
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*Originally posted by Sahar02: *
Munni - That's exactly what my cousin did. You're welcome to come, stay, chill, crash, hangout. Whatever. But don't expect us to change our routine to entertain you.
Sounds cold. But sometimes there's no other choice.
[/QUOTE]
Sahar, I think I would wait till everyone is in the room, then tell everyone the "rules" in a polite conversational manner, like where everything is, how they can each get their own stuff, perhaps explain what my daily schedule is like, etc. Sort of like how a teacher does on the first day of class. Sounds silly but I think it could work.
Mamaof3, I think you need to speak with hubby about this and put your heads together to resolve this, because its obviously affecting you.