We are visiting Pakistan after 3 years - my son is 5 yr old and he is Autistic. Nobody in my extended family (meaning cousins,uncles,aunts,grandparents) know that my son is Autistic. Last time when we went he was 2 and the signs were not apparent (in fact we did not know yet ourselves)
Anyway my question is what is the best way to tell them?
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
As you would do with any family member. Have a face to face discussion with them. Especially with the family members that you'll be staying with.
You do have a choice of letting them (grandparents) know early on so they are prepared for what you are about to tell them. Thanks to social media and some popular movies - most people in Pakistan has somewhat of a limited knowledge of what autism is even though they might not have seen it first hand.
Be prepared for some providing some ways that they can help your child transition into his visit to a new country and new folks around him. I would also suggest to get some pictures and show him where he's headed. (places, people).
Also be prepared for some questions, suggestion of alternative therapies and straight up denial from some family members. It's to be expected.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
I agree with what njgal said but living in Pakistan I can tell you that majority of the people don't have any clue about autism. I myself don't know a single child who has been diagnosed with autism not that children over here are not autistic it is the severe lack of awareness. People ignore signs from their kids and blame it on other factors.
It would not be easy and I would suggest you to give minimum and only relevant information don't go into details otherwise I am pretty sure that there would people who would say things that will hurt you n irritate you.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
diamond321 it is good to hear perspective from someone living in Pakistan.
I just want to have a nice vacation and not have this topic to be the center of discussion all the time. I will try not to go in detail some time you cant help it because when somebody is asking it may appear that they are interested to find out more about the condition but that is not true all the time.
I didn't know of one Autistic person or Autism till my son was diagnosed. And I don't know any one with Autism in pakistan. I wonder if it is lack of awareness or just the rate of Autism is low.
Anyway thanks for your reply.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
I feel for you in terms of the challenges that you are about to face. May Allah make the journey and the process easier for you, ameen.
From what you have written, I suspect that you are already aware of the mentality of folks there......asking details, showing concern but really having none whatsoever and just satisfying their curiousity and desire to gossip.
I have never faced this situation so I cannot provide advice in that way but I hope that you will remember it is only for a vacation and you don't really need to worry about those folks as much. And the bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger issue they will see it as. Try to take things in stride and let everyone feel that they can know things on a "need to know" basis. At least that is what I would do.
Please do come back and let us know how things went.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
Concentrate more on how you can make the trip easier for yourself and your son and rather than what people are going to say. You can ask his therapists about how they can prepare you and him for the journey and the change ahead.
Even if you prepare yourself you are not ready to hear what comes out of people's mouth. That is just not in Pakistan. That is everywhere.
I think if someone ask - why your child is behaving in a particular way - a simple answer that "he's autistic" is enough. If they curious - prepare a 1 minute elevator speech that you ready to give.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
From my personal life experience I have learned that if your child has any short comings or has anything that is different from the rest then embrace that difference , accept it open heartedly , show to the world that despite the shortcoming or special needs that your child have you love him/her more than anything in this world . Become a protective wall for your child and stand up for him/her. People will say bad things once , twice but third they will shut up when they will realize that the issues they believe that the child has does not affect you (the parents).
and I firmly believe that they won't realise that your child is autistic unless you will tell them. If I were you and someone says something I would just reply " abhi chota hai jaisay jaisay bara hoga theek ho jaye ga insha allah"
Have a lovely vacation with your lovely child :)
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
Thank you so much for your replies.. it is really helpful
My mom and husband will totally agree with diamond321 - they keep telling me that there is no need to tell ppl the entire story - if someone ask just tell them he has some delays and will be ok with age. They also think no one will notice. (which is not really true)
The only problem with this situation is that I get into too much pressure when he is not behaving like typical kids. He wont look at ppl when they call him or wont play with other children or follow direction. Ppl then look at me for explanation It is hard to pretend that nothing is going on.
But I agree with @njgal I will give them short answer like "he is autistic". and if they need to find out more they can always Google it.
Thanks all.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
Some useful advice from others. Have a look at the link below, this may also be helpful in planning your holiday etc.
Edit: I was reading around the website and this information below seems really useful.
Re: Visiting Pakistan with special need child
I agree with Njay, focus on how to make it easier for your son. Lots of advance prep in terms of airport, travelling on a plane etc.
I have tried so many times to explain what Autism is to my grandparents (they don't live in Pakistan, but they did however bring Pakistan to the UK) and the long and short of it is that they just don't get it. Autism and other social/cognitive developmental conditions are hard to explain to most people, they can't see that it's not an illness, it's a way of life.
Nobody needs any detailed explanation unless they specifically ask. He's only 5, you just say he's still developing and that's it.
Most people only react negatively as they are afraid of what they don't know, not because they are intentionally being mean.
Good luck and have a great holiday!